Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Child-safe in minutes.

Meet the Other Phone.
Child-safe in minutes.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To not want to drive

37 replies

mummyof2darlings · 16/05/2019 21:00

It's my DPs dads birthday next month and they live a 2 hour drive away so a 4 hour round trip I refuse to stay as there isn't any room and there really nosy (last time I stayed they went through all my bags) it's a big birthday but when ever we see them we always have to drive to them as they never make any effort to come and visit us I'm currently 30 weeks pregnant so will be 34 by the time it's his birthday my DP doesn't drive I've said I don't feel like driving all that distance but we could meet half way or they could come to us apparently I'm being difficult and this isn't fair on them?

OP posts:
PinkiOcelot · 16/05/2019 21:03

At 34 weeks pregnant I wouldn’t have wanted to drive that far either.
I don’t think he’s got a say as he doesn’t even drive himself. Unless you stayed over in a travelodge it something.

MancaroniCheese · 16/05/2019 21:06

YY at 34 weeks a 4 hour round trip would be tiring.

I'm assuming train is not an option or you would have mentioned it.

Creatureofthenight · 16/05/2019 21:07

YANBU. That’s going to be a tiring day for you, and it’s not easy to fit behind the wheel by that stage!

Original poster
mummyof2darlings · 16/05/2019 21:10

Hey no can't really do train as it's about 3 different changes which would be worse than driving 😳 we could do a hotel but it would be about £120 which we can't really justify spending atm xx

OP posts:
Leeds2 · 16/05/2019 21:12

Could you go by train, and go there and back in a day, or go by train and stay overnight in a hotel/B&B? You can blame your pregnancy hormones for whatever you think is the best option!
Or, tell DP to go on the train by himself, and stay at his parents' house if he wants to.

Leeds2 · 16/05/2019 21:13

Or get DP to go by himself on the coach?

Summerorjustmaybe · 16/05/2019 21:14

Send dp alone...
Peace at 34 weeks is a much better proposition....

BlueSkiesLies · 16/05/2019 21:14

At 34 weeks PG maybe you fancy a weekend at home on your own whilst DP goes off on the train/coach to see his father.

You know this is going to be your life for ever? Having to drive him and the kids always? Paint in the ass.

Ellie56 · 16/05/2019 21:15

Well if he doesn't drive it's not his call is it? Stick to your guns and say. "No."

TapasForTwo · 16/05/2019 21:20

I agree with Ellie. If you are the only driver it is your call.
Does your DP plan on learning to drive at any point?

How will you get to the hospital when you go into labour?

MrHaroldFry · 16/05/2019 21:21

This is biased however I went into early labour at 33+4 ...nope...I would not do that drive. Too much at that stage of pregnancy and you are not going to a 'spa like' environment at the other end. B I G fat no.

CalmdownJanet · 16/05/2019 21:22

I would say to my dp "It's reasons like this that you need to learn to drive because I am not your chauffer", he makes his own way there or doesn't go.

How is calling you difficult? Him or his parents?

I ended a relationship over not driving, I warned him when I got pregnant i wasn't doing all the driving to our families that he either learned to drive or got the train, we lived 3 hours from our families. He thought it was a joke until I miscarried and had to drive myself bleeding and hysterical two hours to the hospital while he sat in the passenger seat. I dumped him.

forkfun · 16/05/2019 21:22

Let him go by himself. My mother gave me the best advice when I got married. She said you're marrying him, not his family. This made me realise I don't always have to do stuff with/for his family. I equally don't expect him to worry about mine. We actually all get on fine, but I'm very much in favour of me visiting my family without him and he visiting his without me. You are heavily pregnant, pull the pregnancy card, say you can't make it and let him make his own way. I'm sure they'll all get over it.

Babes222 · 16/05/2019 21:25

2 hours is nothing. You could drive for an hour, stop for lunch and take a short walk and then drive the rest of the way. Same thing for the way home, stop for a coffee half way. No big deal. I don't get the problem? It's obvious that you don't care about his birthday and just don't want to go so just tell your husband that. (PS much easier for you to go see them now while you still can before you have kids).

churchthecat · 16/05/2019 21:25

Why doesn't he drive?

RandomMess · 16/05/2019 21:30

Send DP on the train to stay with them for a couple of days?

strawberrypenguin · 16/05/2019 21:30

YANBU that's a longer drive than I'd have wanted to do at 34 weeks. Arranging to meet them somewhere closer to you is a reasonable compromise.

TapasForTwo · 16/05/2019 21:31

Why should she if she doesn't want to Babes222?

Disfordarkchocolate · 16/05/2019 21:34

I'd be sending him on the bus, I could barely fit behind the wheel at 34 weeks.

fedup21 · 16/05/2019 21:37

hmmm, why doesn’t he drive? How does he get around normally? How did he get around/visit his family before he met you?

Piglet89 · 16/05/2019 21:39

Grown men and women who cannot drive aren’t proper adults. Vital life skill.

ivykaty44 · 16/05/2019 21:40

Don’t go, who really cares if they think you’re being difficult?

What will happen when baby arrives? Will they still expect you to go to them?

Stop now and firmly say it’s got to be a compromise and if you think that’s difficul then never mind

NoSquirrels · 16/05/2019 21:43

I used to be the non-driver and in this situation if my DP wouldn’t or couldn’t drive me/us (& I think 34 weeks pregnant is closer to couldn’t), I’d have arranged my own transport to my family. I would never ever have moaned!

So YANBU and your DP (or his family) are BVERYU.

Don’t be dictated to or guilted into it. He can go alone and stay over, you can meet them as a couple halfway, he could go alone and stay over and they give him a lift halfway back and you meet there for lunch ... loads of options.

Prisonbreak · 16/05/2019 21:46

I feel your pain. My in laws are 4 hours away so 8 roundtrip which means a hotel each time. We go once a month and since I work Saturdays and sundays I have to use my annual leave to facilitate this. But I’m unreasonable to ask if they can come to us (which they have never in 7 years we have been together)

NoSquirrels · 16/05/2019 21:48

We go once a month and since I work Saturdays and sundays I have to use my annual leave to facilitate this. WTAF? Really, Prison? I’d just refuse - that’s madness for you.

Please create an account

To comment on this thread you need to create a Mumsnet account.

Join Mumsnet Log In

This thread is closed and is no longer accepting replies. Click here to start a new thread.