To not want to drive

[mummyof2darlings]

It's my DPs dads birthday next month and they live a 2 hour drive away so a 4 hour round trip I refuse to stay as there isn't any room and there really nosy (last time I stayed they went through all my bags) it's a big birthday but when ever we see them we always have to drive to them as they never make any effort to come and visit us I'm currently 30 weeks pregnant so will be 34 by the time it's his birthday my DP doesn't drive I've said I don't feel like driving all that distance but we could meet half way or they could come to us apparently I'm being difficult and this isn't fair on them?

Prisonbreak I wouldn't be using my annual leave to visit in laws.What would happen if you refused?

I got pregnant with DD1 when I'd been with my DH about 13 years. At that point I made him learn to drive. He passed his test really quickly. We genuinely would have struggled if he hadn't. Especially those times I was rigouring with temps of 40 when I had mastitis and we were all at a walk in centre at 1am. Life with kids is way harder for non drivers. I digress. In your shoes I wouldn't go.

Why doesn't DH drive? If he's just never got around to it then make him get a bus or a zillion trains. If he's unable to then push harder for the compromise, but you shouldn't have to do all the driving if you don't want to.

Don't go OP. It's unreasonable for any of them to expect you to. Also I would be pretty miffed about them going through your bags anyway.

I agree with most. If he can't drive it's tough. He can go alone on the train or not go. Or he can pay for the hotel.

You are not his chauffeur.

Late pregnancy is v tiring and you may be too tired in the evening to drive two hours safely. As with any other time when you are too tired to drive it's your call and not for someone else to make you.

My DH doesn't drive.

It's the bane of my life.

I wouldn't do this.

(I did drive 900kilometers from his brothers wedding, when DD was 9 weeks and DS was 2, whilst EBF. I was utterly exhausted. Decided there and then to never break my back driving for him again.)

What did you decide OP?

Sorry been at work all day he doesn't drive due to Heath issues so isn't actually allowed he would of loved to but can't we already have another child I don't mind driving normally it's just the distance and more of a why can't they just come to us or meet half way although it's a big birthday there still young so not like retired or anything I've told him it's either we meet half way or I'm not going so he's going to speak to them

If you want to be diplomatic you could fib and say you checked with your midwife and she told you not to drive long distances in the last trimester?

Sorry been at work all day he doesn't drive due to Heath issues so isn't actually allowed

How does he get around though?

Surely he uses trains and buses competently? How does he get to work/to friends/the shops? You don’t just drive him everywhere, do you?

Yeah sadly it’s true. My boyfriend wants to make the effort to see them which I totally support. But I do wish it could be a little more of an even split. His mother passed away just over a year ago so before that happened he would say she was too unwell to travel and she absolutely was too unwell. I had no issue with us making 100% effort but circumstances have now changed. But now I’m told ‘oh my dads eyesight isn’t up to long drives’ ....... WTF? in which case he isn’t up to short drives either in my book. Taking cars and long drives aside, they would also have the option of the train. They have yet to give me a good enough reason why they cannot board a train. Occasionally I do refuse to go but more on the basis of I cant take that weekend off work. Where possible I will go. I enjoy their company but I think it’s taking advantage

If I were you OP I would defo state that it’s too far to drive while pregnant, backache, fatigue and being too far from your hospital in the event of an emergency seem obvious reasons to me at this stage of your pregnancy. I wouldn’t fancy a four hour drive in a day myself!

Another poster is right, you married him, not his family. He can take time out and make the trip alone if he wants to.