Taking child out of school trip

[mycatisblack]

Background: we live very rurally in Ireland so no issues with taking children out of primary school for the odd day. Headteacher was very supportive when DS had 3 days off when family were visiting a couple of months ago. DS is undiagnosed but suspected Dyspraxia. Teacher in previous class suggested this was likely given his poor handwriting, poor co-ordination skills, can't use a balance bike let alone ride a bike and other minor issues.
Teacher also advised that funding for SN testing is very limited and so only students with poor academic record are generally put forward for testing.
DS is extremely able academically.

DS is 10 and hates all sport.
School is very keen on sport, specifically Gaelic Football. PE consists entirely of Gaelic football taught by local amateur coach to both girls and boys. They don't even do Hurling here. (Similar to hockey) Every playtime, DS wanders around the perimeter of the playground alone whilst the other children play football. Sometimes the girls will play with him. (I know this because I can see the playground from my garden, across the fields.) There is no bullying issue as his friends accept he isn't interested in playing football. He is a whizz at computer stuff and his friends love playing with him with computer games etc. as he can figure stuff out very easily.

My AIBU. The school has just sent out letters about the school tour (trip) which involves 2 of the classes (30 students in total) on a bus ride to some activity centre about 80 mins drive. The info says that children will get muddy and they must take spare clothes, trainers and a towel as they will be expected to shower afterwards. Looking on the website, lots of pics of mud trenches, rope climbing apparatus, etc. I'm sure the majority of the kids will absolutely love the experience.

We are also required to sign a (lengthy) Disclaimer form (!!)

DS really doesn't want to go. He says he'd be happy to sit in another classroom and read his library books. Sad, but perfectly true.

There is no suggestion of an alternative arrangement if the child doesn't go or if parents are unwilling to sign Disclaimer.

Firstly, I am not happy about signing a Disclaimer form. Seems very wrong to me especially as we have to pay insurance costs to the school at the start of the academic year. (Again, it's an Irish thing.)

I'm thinking of keeping DS at home (or just going out for the day somewhere) because I know he'll absolutely hate it and with his co-ordination issues, he's quite likely to fall off something and hurt himself.

I honestly don't think the head will be bothered if I just tell him we're taking DS out of school for the day, but I'm wondering about whether to raise the issue of my concern regarding the Disclaimer form or just accept that the school and presumably (?) other parents are accepting of it?

WWYD?

I wouldn't bother raising the disclaimer thing as your ds isn't going.

School trips are an amazing opportunity to try something out of our experience that we’d otherwise never do.

If your reasons are, “he’d rather stay at home” and “Iknow he’ll hate it” then I think, gently, YABU.

I understand your concerns, I would speak to the centre they’re going to directly and talk to them. You might find they have experience in dyspraxia and SEN, they’ll adapt the activities so your son can participate.

The activities they do might also suit your son better than the traditional sports:))

Let him skip it. I have never let mine off anything academic but for this then no problem.

My DS1 totally not sporty, hates football, pretty uncoordinated. Had to go on a few bonding school trips over the years - camping, archery, making fires etc and has absolutely LOVED it.

It's just one day. I would probably mention the suspected dyspraxia to whichever teacher is leading. It could open up a world of activity out of the usual norms of football football football.

You sign a disclaimer for most things these days. Go ape, trampoline places, some scout activities, canoeing etc. They give training so that they can categorically say xxx went wrong because you didn’t listen. If you don’t think he can follow instruction, that would be a legitimate reason not to sign.

I would encourage him to go. My 11 year old has ehlers danlos syndrome and I worried about him doing a trip similar to this. He absolutely loved it. 4 of the teachers took it in turns to push him in his wheelchair for the 4 mile hike but he was able to do all the other activities himself.

If your child will hate the trip, don't go. I pulled my DD from a trip with a 6am departure when she was majorly stressing about it at 4am. I reasoned that no teacher wants a massively anxious kid in their charge for the day. We went back to bed, had a cuddle and she was fine. Problem solved.

I think you've over thinking this. Ireland is. Try relaxed about this type of thing. I'd take him out and maybe arrange a day trip some where you think he might enjoy instead .

I think he should go on the trip and I think he should have an assessment for his possible additional support need. It’s completely unfair not to assess him because he is able.
I’ve had a dyspraxic pupil who could type her exams due to her handwriting, if your ds is not diagnosed will he be allowed that kind of thing?

Are you Irish yourself?

I can't see any benefit of him going if he knows he won't enjoy it. I was like your son when I was younger - I'd have chosen sitting reading books over some exhausting "fun" active activity.

I strongly persuaded my DS to go on his y4 residential
He calmly explained to me why he didn’t want to go ( didn’t want to share a room, didn’t like the activities on offer) but DH in particular thought he would regret not going and accused me of projecting my own dislikes. We didn’t make DS go but we basically bribed him
When he got home he said he had hated every moment of it, I checked with his teacher and she said that while he did participate wasn’t homesick or was a problem anything he clearly wasn’t enjoying himself at all and with hindsight probably shouldn’t have gone
For all the kids who just need a bit of encouragement and will love it once they get there some won’t and I think we should respect that

I would encourage him to think about it, is there an adventure playground you can visit together for him to have a play before the trip?

If he ultimately doesn’t want to go I wouldn’t force it but I would try to encourage him to go.

I'm sure the school won't push you to have your child on the school trip. If he is really resistant to going don't send him. My DS is sporty but has a dislike of the GAA which are the only sports in his school also.

I think it’s a bit if a leap to say ‘he doesn’t like sport’ to ‘he won’t enjoy an activities day’. He might enjoy it. It’s not going to be a day of playing football. It will be all different things. Not everything you do outside is sport.

Coupled with the fact he already feels left out at school, I’d be really encouraging him to go.

Too much angst for just one day. I’d discuss it with the school. Dd is going on a similar sort of school trip. The centre where they’re going caters for people with additional needs as prides itself on inclusivity.

Your ds also needs to be assessed.

He may find something he loves s new friend/activity
Or he will learn to get on with things that aren’t his cup of tea
He should not be singled out by his mum , give him the muck in mentality

I'm a teacher in lreland. If he is going to be miserable and there is nothing suitable for him plan a day out yourself.
As for the dyspraxia go to your GP and have him referred to local clinic..occupational therapist for an assessment as it could be important for Secondary. Your school should have told you that years ago but do it now.

I bring my Cub Scouts to something similar every year (we go to Lilliput on Lough Ennell which is generally flat and wet and muddy rather than climbing, but I know there are things in Kilruddery and Killary that sound similar).

There are occasional Cubs who aren't keen on that activity - the mud, the stickiness, something else....or just have not slept enough the night before and feeling homesick...just something making them not want to do that particular thing. (It can happen when we are away - or when we are doing things we normally do back in the Den, and again, even the Cubs who normally join in with gusto can have a day they really don't want to for some reason).

We always make a point at the start of the year to say to Parents, and then Cubs, that while we encourage everyone to TRY everything, we know that everyone doesn't like every activity that we do so we will always have some option for those who don't want to do something - for the "bog hopping" adventure, we usually need someone to carry a water bottle and some tissues in case someone gets some mud in their eye, or we might want a photographer, or just someone to keep a tired Leader company as they walk alongside......

I second those who are suggesting talking to the Centre. The activity leaders we know are usually very good at this kind of thing, getting people involved where they can, but also not making them feel left out where it really won't work. They may be able to reassure you, if they know of an issue ahead of time they may be able to plan around it to have DS involved in a different way - or they may be able to let you know that you are making the right decision to keep DS off. But talking to the centre is a good idea before making a final decision.

I sent my son on a school trip like this (it was residential for a week though) because I thought he would be happy once he was there. I wish I hadn’t - he was miserable, lost weight and I honestly think it impacted negatively on his friendships as everyone saw how much he was struggling with the activities.
If I could do it again I wouldn’t make him go.

I meant to say that I have (and had) Cubs with ADHD, ASD (aspergers), ASD (not specified), dyspraxia, dyslexia, non-swimmers (in a Sea Scout Unit), with physical disabilities - and all have generally enjoyed the camping weekend with the muddy activity (its' a major highlight of EVERY year). It's a case of thinking things through for each of them ahead of time, and occasionally sitting down with the activity leaders to make the odd thing more accessible for certain Cubs.

OP - I think you should talk discuss with the school your worries about your son’s possible dyspraxia and how the activities can be enjoyable for him. I agree with others that what’s planned sounds fun and different from his school’s seeming obsession with Gaelic football (why don’t they do anything else?!?!) and he may have a great time.

“I pulled my DD from a trip with a 6am departure when she was majorly stressing about it at 4am. I reasoned that no teacher wants a massively anxious kid in their charge for the day. We went back to bed, had a cuddle and she was fine. Problem solved.”

I’m sorry but I think there’s every chance the problem isn’t solved but insteps you’ve reinforced your child’s belief that the trip really was scary and she wouldn’t be able to cope.

Insteps = instead