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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

AIBU to visit GP regarding over weight child?

64 replies

Onepuddingisneverenough · 16/05/2019 08:24

Hi
I’m looking for opinions. Please don’t flame me.
2 of my DC are only separated in age by 13months. They attend the same school, do equal (infact the same except 1) activities, eat the same food and portions yet one of them is very over weight

I’ve monitored portion sizes, put them on packed lunch to control what is being eaten etc.

Both are very active football Monday, rugby Tuesday, gymnastics or dance Wednesday etc yet one is significantly overweight

I know genetics come into play etc but for contrast the aged 10 child weighs 5stone 5 and the 9 year old weighs 6stone 6. I’m struggling to find clothes that fit etc and the weight seems to have piled on over the last 2 years.

They eat an ok diet is fruit or porridge or whole grain cereal for breakfast
Lunch is usually whole meal wrap cold meats sliced veg and a yogurt
Dinner is generally homemade from scratch white fish or meat occasional nuggets and oven chips with beans
They do snack because they are so active and are generally allowed a treat once a day - think like a lot kat or maybe a bag of crisps. No fizzy drinks except for special occasions ie birthday or family holidays

So I suppose my AIBU is Aibu to take the overweight child to see the GP? I do not wish to, nor have I ever made a direct ref to their weight and obviously if I went the GPS for advice DC would be present and the weight would be mentioned. I know I can dress it up as being healthy etc but I think the GP would be quite frank in front of them and I do not want them to ever feel uncomfortable about who they are or their weight
Will the GP be able to assist really? I’m not sure what I think they will do except give advice which I can find online for healthy eating...

TIA

OP posts:

Gilbert1A · 16/05/2019 08:28

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

ReganSomerset · 16/05/2019 08:32

I'd go in yes, because it could be a medical issue. Your nine year old will have noticed that she's overweight. I'd gently discuss it beforehand and say that you just want to get some advice from the doctor because you want her to be healthy.

CherryPavlova · 16/05/2019 08:33

Absolutely children should not be put on food restriction regimes without medical advice.

Justheretosee · 16/05/2019 08:33

Does one doing more running around in the playground? They already sound like they do a lot of activities - does the 9 year old participate in them fully? Is it a option to do activities as a family too - walking? Swimming etc?

If you’ve already tried all the options GP might be only option I think the child would rather it was resolved now rather than at secondary school. Good luck OP not an easy conversation

ReganSomerset · 16/05/2019 08:34

*or he, sorry

Agree with PP though, cut out the daily treat. It's not a treat if it happens every day. Maybe replace it with a yoghurt or sugar free jelly pot?

Invisimamma · 16/05/2019 08:35

What height are both children? Have you put their height/weight into the NHS BMI calculator? Could it be that they are jusy built differently?

One slim and lean the other more muscular.

AmIRightOrAMeringue · 16/05/2019 08:37

I would take to the doctors but can you get your child to wait in the waiting room while you discuss everything with the doctor then get them in with you to be checked over?

ReganSomerset · 16/05/2019 08:40

Also, I have a sibling who did exactly the same. Gained weight rapidly aged nine or so. Parents tried everything- diet, exercise, weight watchers. I think, looking back, that the example set by my parents wasn't great wrt portion sizes and healthy eating, but the main issue was that my sibling had a disorder brought on by puberty gearing up that slowed their metabolism right down, so their weight suddenly shot up (diagnosed in adulthood). It wasn't their fault at all. I didn't have that issue, so I could eat more than my sibling and not gain weight.

UnaOfStormhold · 16/05/2019 08:42

You could write down the things you want to say and hand it over to the doctor - I've done this in the past when I've needed to explain something to them which I didn't want DS to overhear.

Butwhhhyyyyyyy · 16/05/2019 08:42

I'm taking my DC in to see gp as overweight, i spoke to him and he suggested an online food diary so DC can see the calories they are eating and the amounts, I wanted to go as I didn't want DC to get an eating problem so was being mindful.

cocomelon23 · 16/05/2019 08:45

My 9 year old is 6stone 12. He is very tall though. How tall are your children?

gnushoes · 16/05/2019 08:49

are they the same sex? One might be putting on weight before a puberty growth spurt while the other is a way off puberty - if your overweight child is the girl, she might easily be about to start periods, etc while a son might not be on the cusp till he's a teenager.

WorraLiberty · 16/05/2019 08:54

You probably need to gradually reduce portion size and cut out or change the snacks.

Also, structured exercise is rarely enough for children as by the time they've got changed/unchanged/taken instruction from the teacher, the actual exercise itself can be quite limited.

What's his exercise levels like outside of the structure? Does he play out much? Ride a bike? Use a trampoline (if you have a garden) Walk to school/the local shops?

Yura · 16/05/2019 08:54

Definitely go to the GP.
also, are you sure both kids eat their own portion? a friend of mine used to eat her own and most of her sister‘s food. Result was her being very overweight, sister very slim, and parents having no idea why....

pilates · 16/05/2019 08:55

Yes I would. From what you have described, they are active and eating well. I would want to check there isn’t an underlying condition for the weight gain. It may be the start of puberty.

LittleAndOften · 16/05/2019 08:56

Try making a food diary for a week with your DC. That way you can actually calculate how many calories they are consuming vs how many they should be having. Exercise is very inefficient at burning calories - it takes more than you think to shift a chocolate bar.

www.nhs.uk/common-health-questions/childrens-health/how-many-calories-does-a-child-of-7-10-need/

You can then show this food diary to the gp who will then have a much better idea of what's happening. It also gives you a better insight into where things might be going awry. You'll actually know then whether to involve the gp or not.

WorraLiberty · 16/05/2019 08:56

Not sure why I thought your DC was a DS but either way the advice would be the same.

Also, try not to compare siblings as they're two entirely different people with entirely different bodies.

EggAndButter · 16/05/2019 08:58

Go for it.
Go and see your GP and ask them for advice and to be referred to a dietician.
I would say even better, go and see a nutritionist.

You are right about genetic. We also know the gut flora plays a huge part in weight gain (so how a child is born will have some consequences, if the were bf’ed or not etc...).
And I suspect one of them isn’t eating quite the same than the other (eg my two dcs will be given the same amount of food to eat but one will eat it all and the other will just stop when they are not hungry anymore. It all makes a difference)

Get advice from a professional.

Huggybear16 · 16/05/2019 08:59

It's a shame you don't think you can ask on a parenting forum about your child's weight without being flamed. It's really not as supportive here as it used to be.

It sounds as if you are doing everything right, OP. Their diet is good and they exercise plenty. The curious thing is how both children eat the same and do the same activities, but one is overweight and the other isn't. For this reason, I'd want a doctor in the loop to look out for anything that may be going on medically. Is there any possibility of secret eating? A bit out-there for a 9 year old, but not unheard of.

bridgetreilly · 16/05/2019 09:04

I would not do anything at this stage. Yes, there's a difference in weight, but it doesn't sound enough to suggest any medical issues. I would just let them both continue to enjoy growing up, be reasonably mindful of portion sizes and snacks, but not too strict. And make sure to keep encouraging activity. They'll be fine.

bigdecisionstomake · 16/05/2019 09:05

Just came on to say you sound like a lovely mum who is doing her best for her children. I would second the idea of a food diary, maybe even make a game out of it with both DCs. LittleAndOften's advice is spot on as I suspect initially the GP will suggest a food diary anyway. Good luck with it and don't beat yourself up about it - this parenting thing is full of challenges!

Alyosha · 16/05/2019 09:09

I echo the above, do a food diary. A treat every day is quit a lot, over a week 7 4 finger Kit Kats would = 1633 kcal, or almost half a pound. So over a month that is 2 lb of weight.

BlueCornishPixie · 16/05/2019 09:10

Have you put their diet into mfp? It sounds reasonable but sometime calories can add up, even if it's healthier foods.

Also are they definitely only have a small treat once a day? What are their snacks like?

Realistically it's impossible to say two children eat the same as each other, and do the same amount of exercise. Me and my brother were fed the same as DC, I would eat all my breakfast, all my lunch and all my dinner. My brother would be too busy playing to eat most of his lunch, always leave some cereal, constantly fidgeting, running around etc he literwlly never stopped, so he was a very slim child and I was an average child. Is one of your children a fidgeter, and the overweight one not?

2toddlers · 16/05/2019 09:13

I think I'd just ask for a telephone consultation and see what they say, that way you can discuss the issue without your child there. I don't think it's a good idea to be discussing weight in front of a 9 year old, it could do far more harm than good.

My older brother was referred to a dietician after a primary school weigh in, this was in the 1980s. My mum told them to shove it (she's a nurse too I might add). My brother did have puppy fat but as my mum had pointed out once he hit puberty and grew tall he was fine. I on the other hand was always skinny, I've never been overweight. We were obviously raised eating the exact same food and doing the same activities. Children are individuals, as it happened I took after my lean sporty dad, my brother after my not so lean mum.

Teddybear45 · 16/05/2019 09:16

Is the 9 yo female? If so it’s likely she may be starting her period hence the weight gain. I put on a lot of weight between 7-9 before I started, then lost it and gained a lot of height between 9-15. My younger sister was always underweight and didn’t start her period until she was 13.

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