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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To feel so happy DP is away tonight?

38 replies

InAnAtticRoomIroning · 15/05/2019 17:19

This isn’t even lighthearted.
We really aren’t getting on at the moment. He’s at a social event tonight & is staying at friends.
The utter relief when he left is indescribable. I really just want to change the locks (I won’t).
I just never imagined being nearly 50 & so unhappy.
We’ve been together 3 years. I was married for 24 years before that.
Tonight I feel I can just breathe for once. I’ve already booked myself 12 hours of work tomorrow so I don’t have to see him tomorrow at all 😦

OP posts:
ItsInTheSpoon · 15/05/2019 17:20

I hope you have a good evening!

Do you want to talk about what’s wrong? Flowers

ssd · 15/05/2019 17:23

That's a shame things aren't working out Flowers

CarolDanvers · 15/05/2019 17:24

I think it's probably time to think about leaving don't you? I used to feel like this about my ex H and I should have ended it a good while before I did.

PickAChew · 15/05/2019 17:25

That's no way to live.

What's making you so unhappy?

AutumnCrow · 15/05/2019 17:26

I'm in my 50s, OP. I 'live with' DP part-time only because I value my space so much. I've kept my own house on, and he his.

We both have dependent adult DC so it makes sense.

But I've grown to like it.

Do you want to talk about it?

Fiveredbricks · 15/05/2019 17:27

You've been with him 3 years. Bin him off ffs.

Asta19 · 15/05/2019 17:30

I remember I was with someone a few years back, we’d been together 4 years at that point. He came home one night and said he had a puncture on the motorway and how scary and dangerous it was. I still feel bad about this but my initial reaction was disappointment that he hadn’t died! I knew right in that moment that I had to end it.

It just isn’t worth being this miserable OP.

incogneto · 15/05/2019 17:34

@Asta19 sorry I laughed at that Grin

Asta19 · 15/05/2019 17:40

It’s ok! I felt awful for thinking it though. Broke up with him very soon after.

Original poster
InAnAtticRoomIroning · 15/05/2019 17:42

I think it’s just taken me until recently to realise we just aren’t suited !
I work really long hours & he is currently unemployed & looking for work.
I certainly don’t resent my long hours &!actively book those hours a) because I need the money & b ) to be out the house.
We don’t do ANYTHING. Money is an issue but I suggest a walk which he is initially enthusiastic about but then there is always an excuse not to go.
He swept me off my feet at a low time but now I realise I never really knew a lot about him IYSWIM? His job was really just a few hours a week instead of full time (we lived quiet far away from each other at the time).
He belittles my job- it’s cleaning but it puts food on the table & it’s bloody hard work !
He’s out all my daily hours on a white board & location. Initially this was a great idea because I needed to see times between jobs etc but now he phones me to see where I am or why not home because ‘looking on the board you should be at xxxxx’
He has a terrible porn habit. This is in no way a deal breaker but over the weekend I asked to look for a recipe in his history (on his laptop) which he had no problem with but whilst I’m working & he’s meant to be job hunting there is pages and pages of sites he’s been on.
I know he’ll ring me when he gets there tonight to check if I’ve got any news (he’s just messaged right now) . I just feel suffocated!

OP posts:
ssd · 15/05/2019 17:44

Ffs op, get rid of this wankerAngry

Arnoldthecat · 15/05/2019 17:44

oh dear..! Plot your exit.

HollowTalk · 15/05/2019 17:44

Oh for god's sake why are you with this twat?

Is he living in your house? Is it rented or on a mortgage? If there's any way possible, get him out.

HollowTalk · 15/05/2019 17:45

You're working hard and he's wanking. Then he wants to know what you're doing while he's wanking. Jesus.

supersop60 · 15/05/2019 17:45

I think you know what to do OP.
If you feel relief when he's not around, doesn't that tell you something?
Flowers

Original poster
InAnAtticRoomIroning · 15/05/2019 17:46

I mean what news could there be after he’s been gone 90 minutes?!?!

Sat here with beans on toast (he doesn’t like so we never have), cold beer & then ice cream & toffee sauce to follow- I already feel the weight lifting for 24 hours!

OP posts:
PickAChew · 15/05/2019 17:48

Ugh. Get rid. You'll wish you'd done it sooner.

TheBabyAteMyBrain · 15/05/2019 17:48

You're not the op whose dh took the car and left you to walk for miles to the cleaning jobs are you?

femidom12 · 15/05/2019 17:49

As Iron Maiden (I think?!) once sang 'Run for the Hills'. Good luck.

AutumnCrow · 15/05/2019 17:51

Whose house / flat is it? We'll help you plan this while he's absent. I'm serious.

Aquamarine1029 · 15/05/2019 17:53

You're old enough to know you need to get rid immediately. Stop wasting your time.

managedmis · 15/05/2019 17:53

You need to kick him out. He sounds awful

Likethebattle · 15/05/2019 17:54

Imagine feeling so light every day without him and not supporting him.

Original poster
InAnAtticRoomIroning · 15/05/2019 17:56

A text & a call within 5 minutes!
Oh & for good measure another message as I’m typing this 😦
Thanks everyone I know what I need to do & now I just need to be strong. We rent together but hopefully I can bunk with friends until I can find something else.

OP posts:
AutumnCrow · 15/05/2019 17:57

I'm wondering if you could message him farewell tonight, have his stuff packed and in a safe pick-up place, and the locks changed by the morning.

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