to be upset with DH for considering this job?

[JammyGem]

Long story short, DH hates his job (with good reason) and is looking for something else. He's had a lot of interest and went for a trial and was offered a job yesterday - it's great news for him and I'm pleased that it's rebuilt his self-confidence as he is brilliant at his job.

However, his current job have said they can offer him set days off a week. I'm on maternity leave, and before DD was born had planned to return to work full time. She wasn't planned and I'd gone into denial a bit, and never really bonded during pregnancy. Now that she's here and I've absolutely fallen head over heels in love with her, I was hoping to return part time instead. My manager has said he is fine with whatever I choose, just to let him know. I have the best manager

Ideally I would've liked to go back 3 days, but this just isn''t financially possible. So we compromised on 4 days a week, but this is only doable if DH has a set day off in the week so that we only have to pay 3 days of nursery.

But this new job he's been offered cannot give him set days off. It pays slightly more than his current one, but with the extra day of nursery, we would actually have less money.

He's seriously considering this new position because he hates his current job so much. There are other places interested in him, but he's so desperate to leave that I think he's jumping at the first offer. And I know that it's me who's changed the goalposts from when I was pregnant, but it breaks my heart that if he takes this job I'll have to spend 5 days a week away from DD.

AIBU? Or should I suck it up, seeing as I was the one who said I would work FT?

I think we'll have to look into a childminder and see whether that's a better option. The nursery we've enrolled her in is fantastic though, so I don't really want to change that.

It would need to be set days as the nursery cannot offer flexible days.

He usually gets 2 days off a week, but these can be any day of the week, including weekends.

He stepped down as he wanted to move to another area of the country where we could have a better life. It is cheaper and much nicer here, and neither of us would have wanted to raise a child where we lived before. But as he is a 'new' face, and his career is based on a lot of word'of'mouth recommendations for jobs, he had to take a step down for his first job here.

Reading back over my posts, I understand why you might think I don't give a toss about DH - but I honestly do! I love him to bits and would love for him to have a job that he enjoys and is happy at. He's a wonderful husband and dad and works so hard. I just wish one of us earned a bit more so that we could afford for me to go part time!

Ah the life of a chef's wife. (I'm one). But for about 15 years it was me sticking out the horrible (seriously horrible) job to keep the salary (higher earner, chefs get paid peanuts) and had all the stress of evenings and weekends alone with small children which had never ever been my plan.

I didn't realise until i finally left that job just how much it was bringing me down and affecting my mental health. So from that respect I'd say sure, he should absolutely change his job.

But then you love your job so and your manager sounds amazing so you should totes stay there. How part-time will you be going? How about compressed hours - same money but do 5 days work in 4? Or 30 hours instead of 40 (just guessing here) or 3 days or something so you get a bit more money than part-time (working on the theory you'll be doing half the regular hours) but you also get more time with your daughter?

Is there no chance of a chef job at a big company cooking for executives? that's usually a Mon-Fri job which is absolutely fantastic for a chef, but cooking good stuff

YABU. You've changed the goalposts. You go 4 days. Dh will be happy. The rest, the financial, your'll manage.

Either u both win - you get 4 days instead of full time and he gets a nice new job and you suck up the financial effects for a while (everyone is skint before the free hours kick in - its just something you have to get through with unplanned babies!) Or you go back full time.

Just wanted to thank everyone again for giving my head a wobble and to give you an update - DH went for a few more interviews at other places and was offered several occasions. The one he went for is perfect- big pay rise, good atmosphere, look after their staff, straight shifts, finishing no later than 11pm, and... two set days off a week! Meaning I'll go back to work 4 days a week, he'll do childcare 1 day a week, I'll do it at weekends, and we have one weekday every week as a family.

Well done @jammygem

Perfect!

That sounds perfect! Well done to you and DH.

I’m so glad to read your update! I was thinking on reading the thread that unless you yourself have worked in a job that you truly hate, it’s really difficult to understand how badly that will affect you. I’d never ask someone to stay in a job that makes them properly unhappy, because I’ve been there sad it’s so utterly shit and difficult that it almost broke me. So I’m very relieved that it’s worked out well for him and for you! 🌷