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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Daughter not going on residential AIBU to take her on more productive days out ?

44 replies

Careradvice2019 · 15/05/2019 08:42

My daughter has missed out on residential. To be honest her behaviour was appalling and we said she couldn't go unless it improved , bad management on our side we missed deadline deposit because they kept get moved about etc .. when the time came to actually pay it was too much too soon so shes not going however we've been informed on that week the ones Not going will be watching videos in school and not doing lessons but doing other nonsense
AIBU to take her for more productive days oh it. Big Ben , Tower of London , changing of the guard , house of commons etc .
I feel her time is being wasted being in school watching videos for the week .. it may be fun but really not educational fun
I'll get fined though wont I taking her out to do more educational stuff ??

OP posts:

cestlavielife · 15/05/2019 08:43

No
Her behaviour was appalling
Leson learned.

Nyon · 15/05/2019 08:45

Isn’t this just sight seeing?

Big Ben , Tower of London , changing of the guard , house of commons etc .

Unless you intend to research and plan lessons for your daughter you’re just rewarding her poor behaviour with a jolly.

Saavhi · 15/05/2019 08:52

how old is she?

barryfromclareisfit · 15/05/2019 08:55

Use it as a wonderful opportunity to have good times with your dd, doing things you both think are more productive than videos. She’s missing the residential, she doesn’t need more punishment. You could have great times together. Do it.

Teacakeandalatte · 15/05/2019 08:56

I agree if you decided not to send her due to her behaviour she should really do the boring option.

If it had been purely financial reasons then I would have said maybe as long as school agrees, which they might.

Original poster

Careradvice2019 · 15/05/2019 08:56

Shes 11
Her behaviour has improved a little ..I think ... havent been called into a meeting with her teacher recently and to be honest I plan to contact the teacher this week to discuss recent behavior and if it improved but I too work in a school and dont finish until 6pm so its difficult to get the feedback from the teacher when it all overlaps

OP posts:

Mrsjayy · 15/05/2019 08:56

So her behaviour was appauling she didn't get to go away so you want to take her on a nice day out in London ! Are you taking the piss ?

Bookworm4 · 15/05/2019 09:00

She's missing the trip due to behaviour and you think that should be rewarded by staying off school and having day trips?? I'm hardly surprised she's badly behaved if this is your attitude. Let her sit through the nonsense at school and she'll see the consequences of her behaviour.

makingmammaries · 15/05/2019 09:02

I’d do it, for the reasons you describe, OP. There can be many reasons for bad behaviour and something like this could actually help.

ChicCroissant · 15/05/2019 09:03

Nothing you've mentioned so far sounds more productive than a school day though. More like a trip out for you!

Sirzy · 15/05/2019 09:04

If you work in a school how could you anyway?

But either way keeping her off would un do the reason for not going

IceRebel · 15/05/2019 09:05

I too work in a school and dont finish until 6pm

Surely you can't have time off work to take her to London, if you also work in a school?

Pk37 · 15/05/2019 09:05

Seems counterproductive.
She was behaving badly so couldn’t go on a fun trip so you take her on a different fun trip ...
Send her into school, she’ll be bored shitless and that will be her punishment otherwise what’s the message she gets from this?

GetUpAgain · 15/05/2019 09:06

Take her to London at the weekend if you want to, but send her to school during the week. And I know it's hard being organised but spending a bit of time looking at how you could keep on top of things better will really help you and your DD in high school.

kmammamalto · 15/05/2019 09:07

Did a school really really tell you that a group of 11 year olds would be watching videos for a week?!
I think they would be doing more than that as there are students who can't afford it etc and a school would sure be under fire for saying they could just watch tv. I think she should just go to school. If she behaves for the week then do something really nice at the weekend instead!

MumUnderTheMoon · 15/05/2019 09:08

She isn't going on a residential as a punishment so your going to take her out of school and take her sightseeing? That's madness. Also money seems to have been a factor in your decision and sending her to school costs nothing. If you do this YABVU.

Yabbers · 15/05/2019 09:08

If DD missed a residential because of behaviour and the schools response is to let her sit and watch videos, I’d be keeping her home and having her do schoolwork. Missing the residential isn’t punishment enough if instead she gets to have great fun. Taking her on a day out is still rewarding her for bad behaviour.

EskeewdBeef · 15/05/2019 09:08

I wouldn't. You don't get a runners up prize if you've been too badly behaved to go on a residential.

Teddybear45 · 15/05/2019 09:10

The trip you mentioned would have no more value than a few days of videos at school. If you want her to have an educational trip then take her out to a local museum on the weekend. Also, since when does good parenting mean rewarding poorly behaved children with jollies to London?

Flyingkites123 · 15/05/2019 09:12

I'm a school teacher, she'll not get anything out of school that week. Id do for every week her behaviour improves you'll take her out for a day trip so she's earning them through good behaviour. If you say she's not going because of bad behaviour then take her on day trips anyway I think you'll confuse your message.

Mrsjayy · 15/05/2019 09:14

So will you be taking days off from the school you say you work at ?

Springisallaround · 15/05/2019 09:14

I wouldn't take her out of school that week and risk a fine/the consequences of her bad behaviour not followed through.

However, I think it's reasonable to plan a couple of treats that weekend and possibly after school- a coffee and cake out with you, a trip she'd like to go on on the Sat. This is more an opportunity to talk with her, find out what's going on and set up communication for secondary- as if she's struggling at top primary, it may be a rocky transition.

I don't think over-punishing is better than under- punishing. The consequence of her behaviour is she has to go to school and watch boring videos. Don't then punish her more at home, and do keep going with the being there/bonding/talking part as the teen years are challenging and if you flip out and over-react to this stuff early on, you are giving yourself nowhere to go. Try to see her as a good child who is struggling rather than a 'bad' one- and look to reward that in small ways and show interest in her life.

Flyingkites123 · 15/05/2019 09:14

Also, it's really unlikely she'll be watching videos. The teacher will set her holding activities, like writing a story, maths sheets etc. If your school is letting her watch videos for a week, reconsider the school

EmeraldShamrock · 15/05/2019 09:17

Yabu. There is no way I would let an 11 year old off the hook, after bad behaviour in school, let her learn her lesson. If you take her off, she'll wear it like a badge of honour, getting left out of trip at 11 is very bad.
If you feel guilty for not paying for the trip on time, that's a different issue, you can make other up over the school holiday.
I get she is growing up and moody, I have a DD similar age, if she was causing trouble in school, there'd be real consequences.

Chopinaround · 15/05/2019 09:17

If you want her to have more productive days than watching videos in school then I’d give her something educational - set her a project to research and put a scrapbook together on, or print off worksheets for her to do. If she is mainly not going on the residential due to poor behaviour then don’t reward her by taking her on day trips which sound fun. That would send a very half hearted message and undo the consequence of her poor behaviour surely ?

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