Daughter not going on residential AIBU to take her on more productive days out ?

[Careradvice2019]

My daughter has missed out on residential. To be honest her behaviour was appalling and we said she couldn't go unless it improved , bad management on our side we missed deadline deposit because they kept get moved about etc .. when the time came to actually pay it was too much too soon so shes not going however we've been informed on that week the ones Not going will be watching videos in school and not doing lessons but doing other nonsense
AIBU to take her for more productive days oh it. Big Ben , Tower of London , changing of the guard , house of commons etc .
I feel her time is being wasted being in school watching videos for the week .. it may be fun but really not educational fun
I'll get fined though wont I taking her out to do more educational stuff ??

Watching videos in school is ok for the kids who can’t go due to health, financial reasons etc as it’s a fun thing for them seeing as they can’t go on the residential and makes up for that a bit but if your DD isn’t going because of her behaviour I’d not want her to be having loads of fun but be doing some school work if possible.

I don't think anybody is saying she needs punishing at home people are saying don't give her special days out to compensate for not going away on a school trip

Was your DD not allowed to go by the school or by you?

She should absolutely stay in school and understand that bad behaviour does not pay. You should not reward bad behaviour with fun activities taking her out of school

I think you feel guilty as you didn’t actually mean she couldn’t go then you couldn’t afford it anyway. Otherwise you wouldn’t be looking to treat her now.

It’s not worth the fine. Try and salvage something out of this and let it be that she can’t play up in school.

Is that it do you feel guilty she didn't get to go ?

Clarify what the school is doing for those not attending the residential. Then complain if it is only watching videos.

Sorry I think it is wrong to punish by banning a residential.
A school trip is about learning to do things with her classmates in a different situation, ie teamwork, a chance to learn beyond the classroom and see things from a different view point. Its about learning to build relationships with others in a non school setting.
This is still schooling and still part of her education, however fun and informal it may seem.
A week is a long time for an 11 year old. And its not just the week itself, but the run up and the aftermath when all of her friends are talking about it and she's left out.
I'm sure however bad her behaviour was, there were different ways of teaching her to improve her behaviour.

So yes, maybe she should have some trips out during that week and I wouldn't regard it as rewarding her for bad behaviour, but recognising that the punishment was probably quite harsh and has been spread over more than just the trip week.
Sorry OP, I know you meant well and it is difficult to know what to do in some situations. Its just my opinion.

If her behaviour is appauling she might not be safe to go on a residential. Tbh the Op isvague we don't really know if she didn't get to go because of behaviour or the deadline for payment was missed

there maybe 10 kids not going some because they didn't want to, some maybe not allowed to some because their parents can't afford it or don't want then to go
the school can't really do
David, Nick, May, Lisa, Joe and Polly have good reasons so they can play games watch videos
Bill and Sally are being punished with extra maths and spelling, Freda has to do maths in the morning and play games in the afternoon John needs to do maths/ english for 2 days then he can play, this really just won't work
so which category OP's daughter falls into is a bit irrelevant as all who stay behind have to do the same thing together

Op dd missed the trip be susecthe deposit wasn’t paid, she wasn’t barred due to bad behaviour.

*because

School everyday but a day out on the Friday if her behaviour has improved enough. Use it as a learning experience and that behaviours have consequences

Her behaviour was appalling hence no residential trip but you want to 'reward' her by a sightseeing trip in London.

Do you honestly think a sightseeing trip to London is a good idea? How will it teach her that bad behaviour has consequences?

Ok cool..looking for advice and now got the majority verdict..that's the beauty of advice in a wwyd situation
I'll keep her in school and as other suggested maybe do something on the Saturday.
I know I might need to set up communication with the teacher regarding her progress and behaviour..I'll find out if her teacher has a school email address perhaps ..if that's a thing
Thanks all 🙂

I'll keep her in school and as other suggested maybe do something on the Saturday.

That’s your takeaway from what was suggested here?

Bad idea. You might just as well have sent her on the residential!

She has already been " punished" by not going on the trip and will have to endure all her excited classmates talking about it when they return.

OP could use the Saturday outing to have some one to one time with her DD on a day out together and maybe a chance to have a chat and get to the root of the behaviour. That may be considered "rewarding" the DD, but it is also a good way of communicating with her outside of the routine home environment.