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Original poster

To ask what you would do?!? Potential issue at work

38 replies

ApplePieIsAmazing · 15/05/2019 07:35

Back when I was 18/19 I was questioning my sexuality and went on a couple dates with this girl. We had 1 or 2 kisses, I worked out I was definitely straight. I called It off, she was heartbroken and I felt terrible. I haven't spoken to her since and have gotten married

Now I'm 25 and I heard she applied for work where I am. I'm terrified my husband and my colleagues will find out if she gets the job. My colleagues are slightly homophobic and will absolutely take this piss out of me and I just want to leave all of that in the past.

What should I do if she gets the job? Just pretend nothing happens and hope she does the same? I'm not homophobic, just don't want this info out there

OP posts:
NoSauce · 15/05/2019 07:47

Stop panicking! You kissed a woman. Big deal. Honestly your colleagues sound like twats, “slightly homophobic”? What’s that then? Like being only a little bit racist?

Don’t worry about it. Be pleasant and friendly to your new colleague ( if she gets the job ) and carry on as usual.

Complainingagain · 15/05/2019 07:48

She won't say anything in a working environment - it would be totally inappropriate - and to be honest even if she does I doubt anyone will be interested. It's hardly breaking news that a young girl kisses another girl a few times.

Iwouldratherbemuckingout · 15/05/2019 07:49

If she gets the job, welcome her with a big smile, and tell your colleagues you knew each other a few years ago. If it does come out, any teasing from your colleagues will only continue if they get a reaction - best thing to do is front it out the same if it were any other ex. If your colleagues make homophobic remarks then I would challenge them directly.

CherryPavlova · 15/05/2019 07:54

I suspect she’s moved on too.

ZoeWashburne · 15/05/2019 07:55

Why are you pandering to bigots? I doubt she would say anything. But I am really wondering, you would rather her feel bullied and belittled by everyday homophobic comments? This is someone you once cared about. Maybe it is time to do some introspective looking at why you allow such horrible things to be said in your presence.

I think the bigger issue is, why have you worked so long with horrible bigots and not asked them to stop? Morally, you absolutely should, but also legally, sexuality is a protected group. You don't know people's true sexuality. Every time your colleagues say homophobic things, they open up your company to be sued for millions and possibly bankrupt. So selfishly, also realise they are putting your job at risk with that awful behaviour.

IAmTheChosenOne · 15/05/2019 07:56

Smile, head tilt, "I think you've confused me with someone else"

IAmTheChosenOne · 15/05/2019 08:00

Every time your colleagues say homophobic things, they open up your company to be sued for millions and possibly bankrupt

Millions? Never seen 'millions' awarded in a UK court, (and Ive just googled to check) unless the OP is in the USA of course where phemomenal payouts are regularly awarded.

The largest payout is £118K. The complete over exaggeration on MN is ridiculous. Millions my arse.

www.diversitylink.co.uk/resources/record-payout-for-victim-of-homophobic-bullying

ChodeofChodeHall · 15/05/2019 08:02

I'm sorry you have to work with homophobes. Please don't modify your behaviour in any way on their behalf.

ThatCurlyGirl · 15/05/2019 08:06

They're either homophobic or they're not. You can't be a little bit racist, same principle.

Is she out as either bi or gay? If so I feel bad she's unknowingly applied somewhere that homophobic people work, it's awful thinking of her going into that environment - I'd be more concerned for her than for yourself.

ZoeWashburne · 15/05/2019 08:07

@iamthechosenone

I was speaking facetiously, but really? Your bone of contention is the amount of payout? Does this mean because it is only tens of thousands, it makes bigoted comments OK?

Maybe get some perspective.

bebeboeuf · 15/05/2019 08:07

Haven’t read other replies but I think you’re really over thinking this one

And shame on your colleagues for being homophobic

And shame on you for feeling embarrassed about kissing a girl in your youth.

Everyone has a past.

No one should be judged for that.

AnAC12UCOinanOCG · 15/05/2019 08:09

What would I do? Find a less cunty place to work.

specterlitt · 15/05/2019 08:10

I doubt she would say anything to these colleagues, especially if she was hurt by you. The chance of this being brought up is slim to none. Furthermore, who gives a toss what a bunch of homophobic people think anyway? I'd be more concerned being around them than the fact your lips touched another woman's.

WhoKnewBeefStew · 15/05/2019 08:10

Definitely over thinking this. She’ll prob see you, say ‘hello how are you’ and that will be that...

Catchingbentcoppers · 15/05/2019 08:25

This really isn't a big deal. Be friendly, I'm sure she won't try to jump your bones when she comes to work, I'm sure she's moved on too.

I'd be more concerned about working with a bunch of arseholes to be honest.

haloumi · 15/05/2019 08:31

GIRL KISSES GIRL SHOCK HORROR!

When she is established in her new role, talk about it with her if you need to .

Where do you work? In a Foundry or Shipyard or something?

(Where, even nowadays there would probably be more open minded people)

Justheretosee · 15/05/2019 08:37

If she got the job I would tell them before she even starts takes away the anxiety of Will she ever bring it up. Treat it like you would if a man you kissed got the job.

“Aw I can’t believe she’s starting I was a bit confused about what I was/wanted back in my teens and went out with this girl a few times. Was no hard feelings,she’s a lovely girl,I just realised girls aren’t for me”

BarbedBloom · 15/05/2019 08:41

Why are you worried your husband will find out? Is he homophobic too? I very much doubt this woman will say anything, she might not even remember you that well if it was one or two kisses a long time ago. If she does say anything then I would just shrug and say it was a long time ago and that homophobic comments are not acceptable

Queenbetty · 15/05/2019 08:44

If she got the job I would tell them before she even starts takes away the anxiety of Will she ever bring it up. Treat it like you would if a man you kissed got the job.

Dont do this. Totally inappropriate and it's not just your business, its hers too.

EmeraldRubyShark · 15/05/2019 08:50

she got the job I would tell them before she even starts takes away the anxiety of Will she ever bring it up. Treat it like you would if a man you kissed got the job.

“Aw I can’t believe she’s starting I was a bit confused about what I was/wanted back in my teens and went out with this girl a few times. Was no hard feelings,she’s a lovely girl,I just realised girls aren’t for me”

Oh god no Justtheretosee. What a fucking awful thing to do, outing someone at work before they’ve even begun their job and pegging them immediately in their new coworkers minds as ‘the lesbian who got off with OP* instead of letting her be treated and seen the same as every other new employee. That is such a shameful suggestion, I sincerely hope you would never consider doing something like this, and if so why would you suggest someone else do it!?

EmeraldRubyShark · 15/05/2019 08:51

Sorry, their new KNOWN HOMOPHOBIC coworkers’ minds. Jesus.

Catchingbentcoppers · 15/05/2019 08:59

Aw I can’t believe she’s starting I was a bit confused about what I was/wanted back in my teens and went out with this girl a few times. Was no hard feelings,she’s a lovely girl,I just realised girls aren’t for me”

Fucking hell, do NOT do this. Her sexuality is absolutely none of your business and not up for discussion with the rest of your colleagues. For all you know, she may have been just as confused at the time as you were. FFS this is terrible advice!

Funkyslippers · 15/05/2019 09:00

You don't owe anyone an explanation. But don't do what ChosenOne says and lie, you have nothing to be ashamed of

Catchingbentcoppers · 15/05/2019 09:00

God almighty, it's rare, but I swear sometimes I read something on MN that makes me wonder if I live on another planet from some people.

EmeraldRubyShark · 15/05/2019 09:04

It’s appalling Catch. Either people are completely thoughtless or very nasty and get some kind of kick out of encouraging posters to act in ways that will completely fuck things up.

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