Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Child-safe in minutes.

Meet the Other Phone.
Child-safe in minutes.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Advise me oh wise ones, holiday woes, not sure who's cheeky (is it us?)

276 replies

RebeccaWrongDaily · 14/05/2019 23:31

My sister has a holiday home overseas.She offered it to us for no charge (they use ours regularly) for ten days at the end of May beginning of June.
We have booked flights.
Chatting to her earlier this evening, she's said to me that some friends of hers (who I also know well, well enough to attend their wedding) are going to come over for a week while we're there.
This couple are going through severe marital woes, one has had an affair, the other is throwing themselves into the bottle.
They also have very small children (two toddlers) Neither parent is particularly attentive at the best of times. My DH has a tendency to be a helicopter parent. The villa has a pool without a fence. My children are pre-teen and 9.
I have clear visions of us spending the middle week listening to the parents bicker / have make up sex whilst we collectively stop their children from drowning and pick up the slack of early mornings etc.
Would you still go? Would you book somewhere else? Would you challenge your sister?
We stand to lose about 2k if we just don't go, and then would want to book elsewhere by the way which would be an additional cost. Are we cheeky fuckers for expecting sole use of the house?

OP posts:
CoraPirbright · 16/05/2019 19:42

Have you spoken to your sister again OP?

Tinkobell · 16/05/2019 20:03

Completey unacceptable, your DSis is clearly thinking about her holiday home in terms of the number of available beds, rather than the actual experience of both families or indeed the whole holiday. Pull out, book an air bnb or a gite. Your DH clearly won't have a good time and you want no part in their marital spat. I'd go back to your sister and say youll be staying elsewhere. She can feedback to the others that she messed up the bookings. I'd definitely not allow her use of my place for a couple of years. By the way, just thought I'd mention that HMRC see 'own use' or family use weeks in holiday lets as a taxable benefit which you have to declare: and it's quite a lot of money (about £250 per week on our place)....so we do have to charge our family a nominal cost to cover that otherwise we end up paying for our family's holidays.

Jux · 16/05/2019 20:08

Book a hotel, don't use the place. Tell your sis that you'll not be going so she can book some other poor fools family in there instead.

Itwouldtakemuchmorethanthis · 16/05/2019 20:09

Book something for the time they are there. Boat trip? Cycling tour? Amusement park/big hotel?

Tell your sister she’s been a twat and you’ve had to pay to sort it out and that you’re really upset as you’ve always given them the whole house.

DeRigueurMortis · 16/05/2019 20:14

Book am AirB&B for the period they are there.

I think your sister has been pretty thoughtless tbh and I'd tell her so.

Holidays are important and who you are with has a massive impact on your ability to enjoy it.

It's simply not on to throw two families together in this way without prior agreement from them both. In this case the fact that one family is sadly in turmoil makes it even worse. It's a potentially explosive mix.

The fact is if you'd have known this was going to happen you wouldn't have agreed to it or booked flights.

Binglebong · 16/05/2019 20:49

Jade I hope you told the mutual friend what a shitty thing she had done to you, if only so she doesn't land that woman on anyone else. Flowers

BlueSkiesLies · 16/05/2019 20:56

I would be seriously pissed off with sister.

I would challenge her and say it’s best not to offer if she’s going to move the goal posts like that. If you have a good relationship it’s worth discussing.

I would go. Stay for the time the nightmare pair are not there. Then decamp to am Airbnb at a different location for the week they are there for a fun multi centre trip.

TapasForTwo · 16/05/2019 21:13

Where has the OP disappeared to?

7yo7yo · 16/05/2019 21:14

@TapasForTwo probably to another holiday home Grin

Frazzle678 · 16/05/2019 21:20

Oh gosh poor you! You’re not being unreasonable your sister has been thoughtless and had no boundaries. She sounds bonkers tbh Pollyanna gone wrong. But you’re in it now . Hmmmm. Any chance you can just be really upfront with the other family ? They might have some flexibility on dates or be able to stay there slightly less time. Can’t imagine its their idea of the ultimate Heal The Family holiday either 🥴 Alternative would be to use the house as a base and go exploring 90% of the time that your visits overlap . I’m sure the other fam won’t be tied to the house either. It’s very very annoying and disappointing but the reality prob won’t be as bad as you think. Hugs tho 🤗what a tricky situation to be in. MOST importantly DO NOT feel any guilt at your reaction of disappointment frustration and anger (and fear). It’s a completely natural reaction so don’t let your sister make you feel in the slightest bit guilty. And btw, i don’t think tit for tatting with your holiday home does anything positive . What outcome do you want here ? If you want sis to understand you want house to yourself next time spell it out in such a way that an Imbecile cd grasp It (but kindly and without anger) . If you tit for tat and get angry with her it simply escalates bad feeling and isn’t good for you or your kids . Really hope you find a solution 🙏❤️

JemimaPDuck · 16/05/2019 21:20

I’d be really annoyed!! It’s totally inappropriate for your sister to make the assumption that you’re fine to share with another family! I’d still go and let them get on with their own stay (avoid getting involved or engaging with them)

Allhailthesun · 16/05/2019 21:38

Not read the thread but has she done it on purpose? So the other couple have a bit of a reality check with a “ normal” couple.?

You know them well so my first thought would be that your sister is thinking she is helping you out with free accommodation and thinks you won’t mind helping them out by being a bit sane.

But I totally get why spending 2k is making you less inclined to be therapists.

ZenNudist · 16/05/2019 21:50

OP gone?

Echobelly · 16/05/2019 22:02

I'd be annoyed, but I'd still go. Could your sis make it clear, FWIW, that you are not to be expected to mind their kids and they need to be careful of the pool?

My parents have a holiday home and as it's quite big there's not unseldom someone else staying there when we're there, and not always someone we know and we quite like that, but I guess we've never had anyone with the sort of baggage the OP is mentioning.

Original poster
RebeccaWrongDaily · 16/05/2019 22:14

No, I am still here. Have had a further chat with Dsis. We land at almost midnight on Thursday night, Have a 90 min drive to villa. They arrive on the Saturday around lunchtime. And leave the following Saturday, Our flights back are on the Sunday lunchtime. So there is about 1.5 days they won't be there.

She claims to have not thought there'd be a problem and that we liked going on holiday with other families (we do, that is not untrue- however these are families of our choosing with kids of similar ages to our own)

They can't change their flights and they are restricted to that leave period.

The house is big (7 bedrooms) but the main living areas are all shared obviously. Sister knows I am furious- We have booked an Ibis for 3 nights so will leave on the Monday morning and get back to the house as late as we can on Thursday (hopefully there is 4 days of fun to be had in the place we've booked!)

DSis has spoken to my mum and one of our other sisters who, because DSis is a bit of a brat, have not ventured an opinion any way which DSis sees as tacit agreement with her.

It's the best we can hope for without a nuclear family row.
Thanks for all the advice.

OP posts:
CoraPirbright · 16/05/2019 22:42

Lord, I am so sorry. Your ‘d’sis sounds like a right piece of work. No more holiday freebies for her methinks.

DarklyDreamingDexter · 16/05/2019 22:48

I'd never invite her to your holiday home ever again. It's not on to invite two separate families to share the same week, unless they actually planned to come together. She's cost you money and wasted a week of your annual leave. I think it's worth having a row about!

Original poster
RebeccaWrongDaily · 16/05/2019 22:50

Oh, we will have the row. I would rather it not happen before we go.

(We don't have the key yet!)

OP posts:
StoneofDestiny · 16/05/2019 22:59

Can't conceive of having a holiday with a warring couple with children involved. Even less would I allow someone else to impose houseguests on me.
Hope it works out for you though......

manicmij · 16/05/2019 23:08

Just not on. Does your sister feel under pressure to offer the accommodation to her friend for any reason? Does she think they may behave better towards one another if in close company with you and family? Bit cheeky if she does. If you weigh up a potential loss of £2k if you cancel could you perhaps reduce your loss by staying elsewhere for the week. I'd be really annoyed at what your sister has done.

5foot5 · 16/05/2019 23:14

I am sure I am not the only person following this thread who hopes you will keep us all posted when you are there!

KC225 · 17/05/2019 05:39

As you have booked 3 days alternative accommodation, can they to the same - its only fair.

MRex · 17/05/2019 06:26

I hope it isn't as bad as you suspect, but hoping for updates either way.

billy1966 · 17/05/2019 06:46

Your writing your sister is a brat explains a lot. You would want to be brain dead to think that people would like to share a holiday without consultation.

Your sister is very disrespectful of you and your family to do this during a holiday.

Now you know.

caringdenise009 · 17/05/2019 06:55

So you'll get there and set the villa up, spend two days with,at best, a very strained family then have to pack up again and pay extra for a proper holiday. I bet when you get back the villa will be a mess, then you have a couple of days before you have the clear up and clean it. Or does your sister have someone who cleans it between guests?