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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Nursery worker exchange

48 replies

Storkbloom · 14/05/2019 21:42

DP had a day off work today and we all went to the park... DSD is 3.3, today we had been at the park for hours, playing football etc, she had walked a lot. On the way home she was a moody, lagging, asked to sit in the pushchair. We usually still bring it out if we are going to be out for more than a quick trip, just in case. She asks for it when she wants it, or if she is having a tantrum and throwing herself on the floor then I will strap her in (issue when I have extra bags etc so cannot carry her).

We needed to pop into a shop on the way home just to grab a few bits we would need for dinner, the shop was small so I waited outside, DD was relaxing, dp went in.

Then a staff member from her nursery saw us, recognised me, and said "you have no shame! No shame!" I was very confused, probably looked it, as she carried on "what have you got her in the chair for!?" I explained we'd been out all day and she was hot and tired, and before the nursery worker left she said "you should stop babying her and have another one"

Now, she said all this with a smiley face, so I assume if was supposed to be ""banter"" but AIBU to feel she was out of place, was she BU? Of am AIBU to still have DD in buggy sometimes? Or was this exchange fine and I should get over it?

Ps. If this has posted more than once I apologise, I have been trying to post it but it kept saying the site was moved to a new location or down etc, lots of loading, so might have sent it more than once.

OP posts:

Original poster

Storkbloom · 14/05/2019 21:43

*DD, not dsd

OP posts:

thankyourforthemusic · 14/05/2019 21:46

Yanbu she was out of order to pass opinion to you , who does she think she is ?
I used to collect my dd from nursery at 3 years old in the pushchair she then would fall asleep on the way home .

Bringmewineandcake · 14/05/2019 21:46

That sounds massively rude on her part. I hate that kind of “banter”.

PrayingandHoping · 14/05/2019 21:47

She was way out of order!! You could have come back from a 10 mile walk! No 3 yr old would walk that. She should mind her own

Shallowhals · 14/05/2019 21:48

It was rude of her to comment. As a nursery worker she should definitely know better. It might have been said with a smile but that’s often used as a passive aggressive way for people to get their “opinions” across. If you have a close relationship with this woman then it would be different and she’d possibly get away with this kind of banter but I’m guessing you don’t have that close a relationship?

It was judgey for sure. Totally fine for a 3 year old to use a buggy so don't doubt yourself OP!

MRex · 14/05/2019 21:48

Eh what? That's not funny. YANBU

Shallowhals · 14/05/2019 21:50

Also rude to tell you to “have another one” when for all she knows you could have fertility trouble or anything.

BackforGood · 14/05/2019 21:51

Why have you go two threads running on this ?

Shallowhals · 14/05/2019 21:52

BackforGood she explains this in the OP

sleepylittlebunnies · 14/05/2019 22:19

Yes I think the smile was a way of passing off her rude judgement as banter. Totally out of order even for a friend but for a nursery staff member it’s downright unprofessional.

I once had a mum at DD’s nursery pass comment about DD3 arriving at nursery in a pushchair. She was quite pleasant about it but exclaimed surprise that she still used one. This was said as she pulled up to the nursery entrance and got her DC out of the car, no judgement from me. I can’t drive and after walking older DC to school we had 20 minutes to get to nursery on time and it took 20 minutes at my marching pace. At end of nursery she would walk home as we had plenty of time. Tbh I think there is little difference between a 3 year passenger in a car and a 3 year old passenger in a pushchair.

FireflyEden · 14/05/2019 22:37

I agree, she is coming up 4, why is she in a pushchair? So in answer to your question she is right.

SmellbowSmellbow123 · 14/05/2019 22:41

@FireflyEden

The child is 3yrs 3mths! She’s not “coming up 4” at all!

CheshireChat · 14/05/2019 22:46

How is 3.3 nearly 4 though?!

And before anyone has a go DS was turfed out at 2 years old as we moved to a flat and I couldn't be arsed to drag it on the stairs.

jpclarke · 14/05/2019 22:46

Disgraceful behaviour, very different being a nursery worker to being a mother. She obviously doesn't have her own children.

hazeyjane · 14/05/2019 22:48

I posted on the other thread too...she is rude and unprofessional. Using a buggy for a 3 year old is fine.

she is right. well...no she isn't 'right', she has her opinion, and she has every right to her opinion, but she is stepping over the line in voicing it.

Goldmandra · 14/05/2019 22:56

It is none of her business whether you choose to put your child in a buggy for a two minute dash to the shops or a five mile march. You don't have to justify yourself.

She is overstepping the mark. She doesn't know your child better than you do and she has no right judging you.

There are lots of ways to transport a tired child. You can take them in the car, put them in a pushchair or, as DH often did when ours were 3, carry them on your shoulders. None is harmful or inappropriate.

The only time it would have been appropriate for her to offer an opinion is if you had approached her for advice on how to manage your child's weight, fitness or activity levels and, even then, she should be making suggestions, not giving instructions.

It's also totally unacceptable to tell anyone they should have another child. What if you were trying and struggling with infertility.

Will you speak to her about this?

UndertheCedartree · 14/05/2019 22:57

YANBU - Nursery worker was. 3.3 is still really tiny and you shouldn't have to justify why she was using the buggy. Mine still used a buggy at 4 sometimes.

All this racing for independence to get out of the buggy, not use a dummy or bottle. As your children get older you realise there was really no significance to it in the end. And you don't remember any of these milestones.

Could it have been a cultural difference that made the nursery worker say such unusual things?

Drogosnextwife · 14/05/2019 22:58

I don't mean this in a rude way at all, but maybe she feels like you baby her in other ways aswell? Just because of the way she said it "you need to stop babying her". Of course it's rude of her to judge, and she shouldn't have said anything.

drspouse · 14/05/2019 23:01

Could it have been a cultural difference that made the nursery worker say such unusual things?
I wondered that because of the odd way she worded it.

Goldmandra · 14/05/2019 23:01

I don't mean this in a rude way at all, but maybe she feels like you baby her in other ways aswell?

So what if she does? This is a three year old we're talking about.

I don't get this race to make children grow up as quickly as possible. Has nobody else noticed that children get independent in their own good time? You can't stop it.

UndertheCedartree · 14/05/2019 23:04

And I do find those that usually say 'Oh your 3 year old is in a buggy...mine stopped before 2!' Are usually the types that drive everywhere and don't need buggy space for shopping etc.

Drogosnextwife · 14/05/2019 23:07

Well because the nursery workers are preparing the children for school, and because children in this country start school so young, it can be difficult when they have a nursery full of children who can't put their jackets on themselves, because parents are doing everything for them at home.
Goldmandra, this seems to have hit quite a nerve for you.

ILoveMaxiBondi · 14/05/2019 23:07

She sounds very like the owner of my DCs nursery. I grew to hate her, she was that rude so I removed DC.

arethereanyleftatall · 14/05/2019 23:14

I was just about to say what underthecedartree said. Those who judge young children in buggies are pretty much always those who drive everywhere.
I used to meet a friend of mine for lunch. Her ds would walk in to the restaurant, mine, same age pushed in her buggy. She'd gloat about how she hadn't used a buggy since he was two. Choosing to ignore the fact that she'd parked outside the restaurant, whilst I and dd had walked the mile in to town.

Goldmandra · 14/05/2019 23:54

Goldmandra, this seems to have hit quite a nerve for you.

What an odd comment.

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