WIBU - To cut or not to cut?

[HowDidSheGetTheFuckingScissors]

Who is being unreasonable...

Backstory: Have namechanged because anyone who sees us at the school gates tomorrow will fucking know this is me. 4 year old DD SOMEHOW got hold of the scissors. AGAIN. Since the last hairgate they have been carefully guarded but someone fucked up. I hope it wasn't me, but it probably was.

Anyway. Having spent 4 years growing out her 'feathers' (very wispy and slow to grow) she has decided to hack roughly 4 inches off the side of her head, from the front to past her ear, going almost to the scalp in places. Photo attached for shock value informative purposes.

I told her to go (the fuck) to sleep and I would cut the rest to match in the morning. This is not punishment, I do actually do everyone's hair in the house. If, upon waking, it seems beyond me I will take her to a hairdressers. I suspect she will need an AA Milne Christopher-Robin style bob to make it look vaguely presentable.

DH has put his foot down (unusual in matters such as this) and said I am not to cut, or cause to be cut, a hair on her head. He reckons she won't see it as necessary after her self-administered actions, but the cruel and unusual punishment of Cross Mummy.

He just went up to talk to her and apparently she cut it because she didn't like the curls and thought it would grow back right away, and get longer if it didn't have curls. 4 year old logic

So ... who's being unreasonable here? Me for trying to even her up or him for leaving her lopsided?

Also, just as an aside, my son is growing his hair out. People are going to think I'm making some kind of fucking statement with my ponytailed boy and my short back and sides girl.

Also, if anyone has any soothing words of wisdom so I won't be so upset I would very much appreciate them. Who knew one could be so attached to someone else's dead protein strands.

I would take her and speak to the hairdresser, see what they say. I don’t think I would have too much off, maybe a Bob shape type do?

Lock the blinking scissors away too

Take her to a hairdresser to sort it out. Try and be as upbeat as you can.

It is hair. It will grow back. It's not as if she took the scissors to your hair - that would be a completely different matter!

See, now, I actually need a blinking haircut. I was saving up for it. Now it looks like I might have to spend that on my wretched child. Or bravely attempt a home fix.

But so far everyone thinks it's reasonable to event her up, yes?

Event her up? What’s that?

Don’t do a home job. Sadly you’ll have to hang on for your hair cut. Kids eh?

You can't leave her like that it looks awful. Take her to the hairdressers in the morning. I remember having to find a hairdresser on a Sunday when my Dd did the same.

I can’t understand your DH’s argument, why does he think she shouldn’t have it cut? It will look much better if you take it to a hairdresser to sort out.

Hairdresser here. Please don’t try to “fix” it yourself. You will make it worse. Guaranteed. Take her to the hairdresser and see if they can do anything to salvage it. Or just leave it to grow, buy her some nice hair bands, thick ones and just grow it out

Like I said, I have always been responsible for the haircuts in this house and am reasonably competent, but I am too tired and irrational to assess whether this is within my capabilities or not. Will decide tomorrow. Either way it needs evening out. I will tell DH the Mumsnet jury is with me!

Agree with everyone else - go to the salon!

Sorry but you’ll make it so much worse. I already think that you are planning to cut if more than is necessary, she doesn’t need to go that short. She definitely doesn’t need ‘short back and sides’

Change your thinking - you don’t need to ‘even’ it out or make it symmetrical. It just needs to vaguely blend in as it grows out, you can do that whilst maintaining length if you let a professional do it.

She’s a child, these things happen, just tie it up until it grows out to a presentable look and lock away the scissors.

Oh bless her with the reason. That made me a little sad.

Ask HER what she wants to do. She was obviously unhappy with her hair before and whilst she'll have the live with the curls (as they grow back) it soubds like she could do with having a say on her hair.

I know some of you will be rolling your eyes but body autonomy needs to start from as early as possible.

If you don't want her to decide, I'd leave it as it is. You won't be the first with a wonky hair child.

Plus your husband is so anti chop and you've said that is unusual so unless there is a reason other than vanity, I think you should leave it.

Go to a salon.

And lock your scissor drawer

I slightly cut one of my DD’s after her sister found the scissors and did both their fringes. See pics. The eldest wasn’t too bad but poor little one didn’t look so good. Otherwise I just let it grow. If it’s a bit wavy it should disguise it better. Save the cash for your own cut. A four year old is unlikely to care.

Crusty thanks for the support. We do let them have bodily autonomy, hence why she was growing it out, even though I would probably have chosen a bob until it thickened up a bit and why our DS has a ponytail when it would make life sooooo much easier if it was short. My mum used to make me have the same haircut as her, despite having very different hair and I HATED it. So I let my kids decide. I think she's as upset as I am though.

I may have been exaggerating slightly about the short back and sides, but thanks for the reassurance that it may be possible to blend it in a bit. I am unfortunately new to the area so don't have a known and trusted hairdresser here - will have to ask around and hope someone has a slot after preschool tomorrow. FML.

No idea why DH is so adamant, but I'm not going to override him so we'll need to have a discussion tomorrow and hope I can persuade him to let me set a professional on the job.

How did she get the scissors in the first place? Especially since you said this isn't the first time!

Ah you know what, if you're used to cutting hair then tidy it up yourself rather than spend money at a salon. She's four, she doesn't care much and it will grow back no matter how awful it looks right now . She's not the first four year old to do this and she won't be the last.

It could be worse - my friends dd cut herself a half fringe at that age leaving them little option but to "fringe" the other half. Unfortunately she had very curly frizzy hair which just doesn't suit a fringe! 20 years later friend still gets people telling her that they wondered at the time what possessed her to do that to her child and she practically screams IT WASN'T MY FAULT .

This was DD2’s second haircut by her sister. A hairdresser wouldn’t be able to do much. It grew quickly and we used clips. And banned scissors (DH never put them away).

I did exactly the same thing as a toddler. There are several photos of me and my bowl cut knocking about in the family albums.

Take photos to show her mates when she's a teenager

Dd

How did she get the scissors in the first place? Especially since you said this isn't the first time!

That is the question. All the big scissors were well out of range and the nail scissors were tucked safely in the bathroom cabinet, but I did her nails this morning and I wonder if she spotted me putting them away and hatched a plan. She's pretty sneaky.

Agh. I'm so tired but I have hiccups so I won't be able to sleep and DH will get grumpy if I lie there reading and hiccuping.

Don't do any more amateur hairdressing!
Let your DD decide what she wants to do with her hair and stop cutting it yourself. Keep telling her what beautiful curls she has so she doesn't end up trying to cut them off again.
(Back story here: my mum was always moaning about my curly hair and made me hate my hair.)

I assume your husband is saying you shouldn’t cut more of her hair off (because that is technically what you’d be doing!) because she wouldn’t understand that you were making it neater and instead would think that it was part of a punishment? Presumably she knows she’s not meant to cut her own hair so she might link the two together.

If you can put up with it for a couple of weeks (lots of Alice bands etc), I would take her to the hairdressers then so she doesn’t see having more hair cut off as a punishment for having a go herself? Just a coincidence that you are both going Her reasoning is so sweet though!

God, no offence to any hairdressers here but I wouldn't waste money taking a 4yo to a salon - if you're reasonably handy with a scissors just tidy it up yourself. I understand your DH's argument but I think he's wrong.

I done that when I was 3. I cringe when I see the photos. I have the shortest hair ever. What made it worse was starting school and all the girls had long past their shoulders hair that they would have up in bouncy pony tails or plaits with lovely bows etc. Then there was me- looking like a boy. My mother never grew my hair past my shoulders after that- I’m sure it was for punishment.

If you don't want to take her to a hairdressers then don't. Just give her a pretty hair band, and leave it. I've known a couple of people whose dc have done that and that's what they've done. After the first couple of times of seeing them you don't really notice it, and I think it actually was surprisingly quickly that it isn't that noticeable.

You can’t leave it like that at the back. Give her a tidy-up trim in the morning. Your husband is being ridiculous if he thinks you can leave it like that.