To contact a old friend that phased me out of her life

[batmanmum]

To be brief this ex friend phased me out of her life, after three years of friendship. She started ignoring, ghosting me gradually about four years ago. It took me a long time to work this out as during that time she kept on saying she was having all sorts of crisises so I assumed she was busy to start with. Then contact got less and further spaced out and about two years ago she would read my texts, but take two weeks at least to reply. I should have got the hint sooner really but there was always the “let’s meet up soon” replies eventually.

Anyway to cut a long story short, around a year ago her husband suddenly died. I was in touch after his death, which I found out about by off chance. Again I know she was grieving at this point so her behaviour towards me from his death onwards is irrelevant.

I decided in the new year the friend ship was best left in the past, she has lots of fantastic new friends, so she isn’t alone or lonely. Our paths just went different ways years ago.

Here’s the Aibu. I feel like I should acknowledge her husbands loss after the year, but I’m wondering, if she decided she didn’t want to stay in contact with me years ago, would this be intrusive. I think basically it’s rude to not acknowledge it, or maybe I’m selfish wanting to persist with someone who clearly did not want me in her life?

On balance I think if I have to over think this I shouldn’t contact her. I know she has her circle comforting her now of her choice. I don’t want to rekindle the friendship. I guess it just feels so weird, like he never existed if I don’t do anything. I don’t want anything, just to know I’m thinking of her. Definitely don’t want to rekindle the friendship as it’s been to long and got weird.

You know, someone who is forever trying to find yet another reason to force contact with someone who has made it very clear that they do not want contact is not necessarily a wise, kind friend. They might have been a suffocating pain in the arse, hence the initial ghosting.
It isn't necessarily wrong to ghost someone, either. If you suspect the person you want rid of is going to make a fuss or be nasty about the fact you no longer want to be friends, phasing them out as much as possible with no confrontation is a perfectly valid thing to do.
Of course, if they keep trying to cling on, rudeness becomes more justifiable, and even, eventually, if you absolutely can't shake that person off, an official cease-and-desist-or-get-done-for-harassment approach might be necessary.

Let this woman be, OP. No good at all will come out of trying to force unwanted contact on her.