AIBU to hate living in a houseshare?

[ImposterSyndrome101]

Usually it's fine but I'm increasingly unhappy living with one of my housemates. She's one of my closest friends but I'm finding more often than not I hate living with her. She's often one of the biggest CF I know and her mood swings when she's had a bad or stressful day are really starting to piss me off because while we live with five other people people her moods are always directed at me. And other housemates have commented on her attitude and behaviour but only I call her out on any of it and she honestly thinks that she's a delight.

Like right now I'm sitting in the lounge working on something on my laptop, with my laptop on my knee. My stuff is out of the way and I'm not making any noise and yet she's had a massive temper tantrum about me being in here because she wants to watch a film with another housemate because I'm 'in the way' and my typing is annoying her. For reference we have a two seater and three seater sofa and I have headphones on with nothing playing, just to dampen the noise of the film.

AIBU to refuse to go sit in my room instead of the communal area when I'm not doing anything to be disruptive or taking up more than my share of the space or made any protest about her putting the bloody film on anyway.

I need to cook in 20 mins anyway and she's going to complain about that but I need to eat and I can't help that the kitchen is attached to the lounge. Tbh I'd normally go right to my room after eating anyway but today I feel like sticking around just because she doesn't want want me in the room.

I couldn't live with someone who had temper tantrums just because I was present! That's pretty shit.

This is the first one she's had about me being in the room. I'm assuming it's because I'm sitting where she wanted our other housemate to sit. But I've been in here most of the day working and our other housemate doesn't care that I'm here or where he sits. But you don't get to dictate who is where or demand that someone vacates communal space.

Besides, why should I sit in a hot and stuffy room alone when it's a nice day and the lounge is far cooler and lighter with plenty of space.

If she had a date around or something I'd make myself scarce but I don't see why I should because she feels like having the room to herself.

Can you move? Do you want to move?

She sounds like a weirdo.

But if I was in a houseshare I would secretly prefer not to have someone working all day and all evening in the main communal area.

@Tawdrylocalbrouhaha, I get that but she has just come home so for all she knows I could have just came into the room. I usually work in my room but it's too stuffy at the moment and it's far easier if I'm cooking to be in the lounge so I can keep an eye on it. I was in here earlier because my other housemates and I were working together. If she'd asked me nicely I'd of told her I'm moving as soon as I'm finished cooking but the temper tantrum has left me thinking why should I, I pay rent the same as her.

@Thehop, house or from the lounge?

Sadly these niggles tend to arise in house shares - after a certain age it gets difficult to tolerate other people's ways of doing things! No need for her to be an arse though, I agree.

I think there are two separate issues here.

The general mood swings and temper tantrums - sounds difficult.

Working in the lounge - if I’d just come home from work and wanted to relax in front of a film, someone tapping away on a laptop would probably bug me too.

God I hated houseshares.

Stay in the communal area! You pay rent so you have every right

I shared a house with a friend once. It was hideous & I barely made 6 months. I hated pretty much every minute of it.
Moved into a little flat on my own at pretty much double the cost. It hurt financially but I’ve never been sorry

I think it's a bit selfish to work in the lounge in the evening, as that's the time people want to relax. It is annoying if you're trying to watch a film and someone is typing.

Same with cooking, do you have to cook while the film is on or could you do it later or make a sandwich instead?

Cooking fine.

Tapping away on laptop not fine

WTAF!
Ehh can’t you sit at a table and work.
Why can’t you cook food
She’s the one not suited to house share. You just have to suck these things up. You can’t expect people to live in their bedroom because you want some chill time

Sorry sit on a sofa.

Depends if the lounge is the only place she can watch a film with her friend. Someone tapping on a computer while you’re trying to watch telly is EXTREMELY annoying and if I were her I wouldn’t be able to understand why, if you had the option of another place to type in (ie your room) you couldn’t use that instead. If the lounge is the main “tv viewing room” when someone has a mate over I do think you’re being a bit unreasonable to not do the rest of your work in your rooom if you’ve had use of the room all day.

Maybe you should have some sort of house meeting to iron out some agreements about use of the communal room.

Houseshares start to grate after a while, no matter how much you like the people you’re living with (and a grumpy housemate would drive me mad!)

I would start saving as much as possible and or look to get a higher earning job if I were you, to get out of there ASAP! Even living with just one or two other people would be much better than with five.

Eventually all housemates tend to get on each other’s nerves.

God I hated houseshares! I don't envy you op. Hope things improve soon

to be honest, typing on a laptop is such a grating noise when you're not working !

When I was writing my undergrad dissertation I was banned by my very lovely housemates from typing in the living room

@Calic0 and @OneStepSideways, my laptops one of those ones with a 'silent' keyboard and the volume the films on drowns out the sound of everything else anyway.

@Winchestermom35, I'm looking into doing that tbh.

@OneStepSideways, we don't have rules for when people can and can't cook because we all work and study funny shifts. I'd be more inclined to make something quiet if she showed me and our other housemates the same courtesy.

@CurlyhairedAssassin, it's not a mate over its just her watching a film and another housemate who is sitting working himself while the film is on.The general house rules of the communal space are to; keep it clean, no loud noises before 9 and after 11 and that it's open to anyone to do whatever provided it's not disruptive and you can't demand exclusive use of any of the communal spaces. If you want to be alone then you have your room, because we had this issue before about her wanting to ban people talking in the corridor and other issues where she's tried to ban our housemate whos room backs onto the lounge from playing his keyboard, singing or listening to music in the shower and the lounge, because she needs complete silence to work or read and yet manages to be the loudest and most disruptive person in the house.

@Justbreathing, I and our other housemates put up with her as she's the loudest and most disruptive person in the house. She wanted to ban everyone else from talking in the corridor but spends her time yelling and shrieking from there to everyone else or while she's on the phone.

@ConkerGame, I'm at uni so I can't really do much to improve the situation yet tbh.

@firstimemamma, thanks

@piffar, I know that's why I have a 'silent' keyboard. But tbh I think my typing is less annoying than listening to her practice the clarinet

God I'm glad I'm too old to have to deal with this anymore.

Sorry OP, not that helpful. I lived in a lot of shares, but never with people who were originally friends. Some became great friends afterwards but it's simpler to start from scratch with (carefully selected) randoms.

Also try to avoid 5 person shares! the more people, the more risk that one will be a pain. Doesn't matter how nice and big the house is, it's rarely worth it

Good luck with your search.....

Urgh, just be done with her and tell her to fuck off and not to be such a demanding little bitch.

Do your thing OP, you pay to live there just like her and are entitled to use the house as you wish (reasonably of course). Her requests are ridiculous and if she does continue just mention you live here just as much as her and do not appreciate being dictated to.

I hope it all works out, flat-sharing can be horrendous and very distressing.

She is being totally unreasonable . Tell her if she wants to dictate like that then she best get her own place, alone, then she can be on her own and sit where she likes, alone, because no one will want to spend time with her when she’s acting like a spoilt child.

She's now crying in her room because our other housemate asking her not to bother him later tonight. So clearly she's had a bad day and is taking it out on everyone and is insulted about anything and everything anyone is doing.