To not go to MIL event?

[User11011]

My MIL and SIL are putting on an event which takes place in a couple of months to raise money for a good cause. It involves a male stripper, a drag queen and lots of cheap, pre-mixed cocktails. Each to their own but it's my idea of hell.

Went to SIL'S hen do last year and it was one of the least fun nights of my life. Cackling laughter while rubbing soap suds over a naked man. I swore never again.

Anyway, I have been honest and said thanks for the invite but it's really not my cup of tea but of course I will donate to the cause. Tickets are £10 and they are doing other things on the night like a raffle I think, so I was thinking I'd donate about £30.

They are quite offended and annoyed at me. AIBU? Should I have just sucked it up and gone?

Embarassing. Eugh!

Don’t say anything else, just leave it and ‘don’t notice’ their huffing. I find pretending to be oblivious makes these things go away faster sometimes

You've politely declined, offered more than the ticket price so there really is no need to bring it up again. If they say anything just reiterate that it's simply not your cup of tea. Don't try to explain further. If you call mil and start explaining yourself, it will make it look like you not going is an issue, which it's not. They are being unreasonable being huffy with you.

hippermiddleton 😂😂😂

OK thanks all. I'm not going to mention it to them again or explain further, I'll just leave it. I did feel bad as I do love them despite the weird need to make me look at sex stuff 😂.
I don't begrudge the donation in any way shape or form as it really is a very good cause.
They'll get over it.
These responses have been so funny - thanks for the laugh!

I agree with PP that you shouldn't apologise either. I don't actually think "No" is a complete sentence, an explanation is just polite but there's definitely no need for a "sorry"!

Honestly, why on earth do women (and I include myself in this) feel the need to apologise about not being keen to look at willies in the presence of their in laws?

Hurrah - my feminist killjoy jumper is clearly working correctly!

I don't know, I think it's just maybe I felt particularly awkward because the night is almost a step by step re-boot of SIL's hen do. So I've basically said - I didn't enjoy your hen. Which I didn't, but you know, not that easy to say/hear.
But let's not forget I have actually said no, with politeness but without apology. Just felt a bit bad about it when I realised they were miffed is all.

Absolutely entitled to not go, and it's nice that you will be donating.

I have a feeling they're more annoyed that you said it's not your cup of tea more than you not attending, they may have felt you were judging them? It may have been better to have said you were unable to attend because of XYZ, it may have softened the blow?

Nonetheless, you have not been unreasonable, I would have been the same in your circumstance. If they continue to complain, let them get on with it, you have no reason to feel like you have done something wrong.

Sorry I sounded slightly more hectoring than I intended there (oh the irony of apologising about a post advising people not to apologise )

I wasn't having a go at you, honestly. I always wish I could be a bit less apologetic in RL myself tbh!

Sounds fucking awful. I'd pay to not go to that.

Mind you I probably would have said yes sounds great count me in, then said I had D&V on the day to avoid getting nagged and bitched at.

Hell no.

Think of how many threads there are about women being upset about their DH/P seeing a stripper.

I don't see why this is any different.

I've absolutely no objection to a nice cocktail but if the cost is watching a male stripper (never mind being expected to touch him) and a man parodying a woman then I'm out.

Happy to donate to the charity (as long as I support its goals) but you'd have to abduct me and staple my eyes open for me to watch that "entertainment" (plus a joker mouth job if you expected me to remotely look like I was enjoying it).

If you want to raise money for charity and bums on seats is important, then don't choose something so controversial and damn tacky.

WeBuiltThisCity I get you.

Def feel that this is one occasion that honesty wasn't the best policy and I should perhaps have made up an excuse! I'm just rubbish at lying...

I thought you were busy that night OP, something really important that can't be rearranged?

So virtually noone likes male stripper shows? I used to think it was just me that thought they were tacky, when friends used to go to the Chippendales etc . So what sort of women DO like strippers??

*apart from a couple of my friends

YANBU OP! It sounds awful! I think the donation is lovely you don't need to do more. I know that a lot of my interests are found boring by some, but I don't feel I have to do what others want any more. I just do my own thing but don't apologise for it!

sounds hellish

good to tell the truth otherwise you'd be invited to more of these.

I'm not sure I'd have donated either - if you want to then fine, but I hope you don't feel pressured.

I wouldn't go, as previous poster said, my idea of hell, I don't want to look at men's bits. I know people who would enjoy that sort of entertainment and think I'm a dreadful snob, so be it.