To not go to MIL event?

[User11011]

My MIL and SIL are putting on an event which takes place in a couple of months to raise money for a good cause. It involves a male stripper, a drag queen and lots of cheap, pre-mixed cocktails. Each to their own but it's my idea of hell.

Went to SIL'S hen do last year and it was one of the least fun nights of my life. Cackling laughter while rubbing soap suds over a naked man. I swore never again.

Anyway, I have been honest and said thanks for the invite but it's really not my cup of tea but of course I will donate to the cause. Tickets are £10 and they are doing other things on the night like a raffle I think, so I was thinking I'd donate about £30.

They are quite offended and annoyed at me. AIBU? Should I have just sucked it up and gone?

The trouble about going to those sort of events when you're secretly dying inside is that you start to emit a powerful attraction beam like a cringe lighthouse - the more you shrink back in your seat, the more your SIL/MIL will be cackling and pointing towards you, and before you know it the oily groin will be right there, in your face.

Urgh. YANBU. But if your MIL/SIL are the sort to take offence they'd take offence whether you go or not, so... don't go.

YANBU. I find the whole thing extremely off-putting as well.

If you say anything else, explanatory, self deprecating or otherwise, you'll just dig a hole for yourself. You've said no, given a brief explanation of why (not your cup of tea), just leave it.

Crying at the rather have a smear than look at Hot Bob's knob comments

I've had a similar situation with a SIL, it was a hen night so not even a charity involved. (The irony was she would have been furious if the DH had suggested female strippers for his stag do )

My (instinctive) decline of the invite was more a "Fuck, no" reflex than a considered "I would probably ruin your fun..." and I weakly tried to rescue it with a "it's just not my cup of tea". Meh. They don't like me anyway, they already think I'm a big snob, and were probably just inviting me to be polite

I did think about going just so I could wear my "angry liberal feminist killjoy" jumper. I could offer it to you OP? I'd like a live thread "AIBU that Hot Bob rubbed his willy on my feminist jumper"

“Cringe lighthouse” 😂
but really, don’t go

God no. That's my idea of hell!

Unless you said it in a sneery voice, it's their problem not yours. Just ignore.

I wouldn’t want to go either, and Hot Bob’s grinding groin would not entice me. Give them a few quid and bugger what they think. All the more Hot Bob for them.

Sounds utterly crass to me. Male strippers? Yuck. If a man was having an event at which there would be female strippers there would be an outcry.

You were kind to offer the £30 donation, I wouldn't have, it will probably encourage them to do it again. I would politely decline then give £50 to my favourite charity and none to MIL/SIL.

I wish id been brave enough to say "thanks but no thanks" in my younger days to my overbearing in laws. Well done! Its my idea of hell too.

I'd HATE it
But I would have bought a ticket then been stricken ill that night and asked if they could buy me £15 of raffle tickets etc.

YANBU. At the risk of sounding utterly joyless I have a feminist issue with the exploitative nature of stripping (usually done by women), so it would be bloody two-faced of me to embrace men doing it. As it happens I find the whole thing really awkward, un-enjoyable and just crude.

The evening would be my idea of hell and there's no way on earth I'd go. Hand over some cash to support the charity and if they want to sneer at you then that's their poor behaviour.

I wonder if they’d be quite so enthusiastic if the men to were organise a fundraiser including a female stripper

Do not be self deprecating. Such a pointless thing to do. Why put yourself down and give them ammunition?. You are an adult and allowed to make your own choices, as they are. They want to spend their night doing that and you don't. End of.

The idea of looking at a mans flaccid cock in the company of my MIL and SIL makes me feel really queasy.

It's 50 shades of shite.

I'd pay £50 if that meant I wouldn't have to go.

YADNBU

I just don't want to look at a man flap his massive dick about in their company

I can't help but laugh when I try to imagine my own MiL's face in this situation! She'd probably faint. Things like this are just not done, nice people don't talk about that, it's not in the good Christian's regimen. Through DH's childhood not one member of his family ever saw another one naked, or waltzed into the bathroom on each other, or cracked rude jokes as my grandfather did, and as for farting in front of each other, forget it!

No wonder her kids grew up full of weird bodily hang-ups. If it weren't for your MiL putting pressure on you and exerting the passive-aggressive mode of displeasure (& BOY am I used to that), I'd suggest we swapped MiLs!

On a serious note, don't go. And don't apologize for it, either. Different doesn't equal bad, and it's not a criminal offence not to share the same sense of humour. Come to think of it, I don't think our MiLs are so very different after all ...

Families!

No, YANBU. I also don't see why you should have to lie. Your response was perfectly reasonable and they are just acting like spoilt kids. I also think you were kind to donate. I mean, good on them for doing the fundraiser, but there are ways and means, and this isn't your thing. I don't get their problem.

YANBU. I'm repulsed by drag queens so no way on earth would I go to it either, whatever the cause.

I think you've been very kind in donating to the cause so fail to see why MIL and SIL should be upset. Don't feel that you have to phone and explain further. You have said it's not your cup of tea, if they are offended by that then they have a problem.

Wouldn't be my thing either.

Don't apologise for not wanting to be "entertained" by a stripper & drag queen.

Unless the event is an awareness-raiser for Testicular Cancer, there's really no reason to see a man's bollocks in the name of charity.

[hoicks bosom]

Honestly? Do you really need to ask?

Let me explain, you are an adult. You choose how you spend your time and money why do you need the affirmation of internet strangers to say “no”?

I think the pp saying to be I'll on the night are probably right. It sounds a real turnoff

Yes please! Is it anywhere near cranleigh?

It sounds horrendous. Do not go, or offer any more explanations or excuses. They are only cross because they will perceive their event to be a success or not by the number of people there.

"AIBU that Hot Bob rubbed his willy on my feminist jumper" 😂😂😂😂
"Cringe Lighthouse" 😂😂😂😂