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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think I need to report this?

44 replies

MimiRose01 · 14/05/2019 13:05

Name changed for this as it’s possibly outing.

We live on a very safe cul-de-sac where all the children on our street play outside. My DD (8) was riding her bike up and down the street and was approached by a random stranger who apparently introduced himself and asked her what her name was and shook her hand. She told him she had to go home and got on her bike and came and told me what happened straight away. I was in the front garden so I wasn’t far from her but was bent down picking out weeds.

Later that day my DH walked to the corner shop with her and as they got to the till my DD pointed the man out as the man that spoke to her earlier. We’ve lived here for 8 years and this man is definitely new here, we’ve never seen him before. DH has felt very uneasy since and says he just got a very odd vibe from this guy (DH is very rational and NEVER says things like this)

We were chatting about all of this when my son (12) suddenly tells us that he has encountered this man a few times at the shop and that he is a bit strange. A few days ago DS was in the shop and the man was on the phone to someone and suddenly turned the camera to my DS and his friends to show them to whoever he was on the phone to and referred to them as ‘handsome’?! Apparently a teenage girl then walked in (around 14 years old) and the shop assistant said ‘hello gorgeous’ as she walked in. He then started telling her she was very pretty.

AIBU to think this is all a bit of a red flag? Am I just being paranoid? He had no good reason to be on our street (that I can think of) as he definitely doesn’t live on the street. We know every single one of our neighbours. I don’t feel safe letting DD out to play with the neighbours kids now! We haven’t brought this up with anyone else as I know how dangerous an accusation like this can be. We want to tread very lightly but we also want to make sure our kids are safe. I’m not even sure who we could approach about this? Any advice would be great.

OP posts:
IndigoSpritz · 14/05/2019 13:15

I would contact the police on 101 and let them know all about this man's conduct. They can probably arrange for a constable or PCSO to keep watch and monitor him. He does sound rather shifty.

HBStowe · 14/05/2019 13:16

I don’t think there is anything to report yet, but I agree it’s totally inappropriate for him to be calling 14 year olds handsome and gorgeous.

I would keep an eye out and make sure your kids are totally up to speed with not talking to strangers etc, and to report to you right away if he approaches them again. I would also let your neighbours with kids know that he has been a bit odd.

bobstersmum · 14/05/2019 13:21

Are you crazy! Definitely report!

Awwlookatmybabyspider · 14/05/2019 13:21

Yes report him to 101. Warn others in the area. I hate to say this.
Yes he may be harmless, but He may also be a dirty paedophile.

Omzlas · 14/05/2019 13:21

101 and get it logged.

CDC81 · 14/05/2019 13:22

This reply has been deleted

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Awwlookatmybabyspider · 14/05/2019 13:23

Thank goodness your dd knew to say.
She had to go home.

sarahqueenofp · 14/05/2019 13:25

I think if you did nothing and then something happened you’d feel awful so I agree it’s best to make your observations known

IAmTheChosenOne · 14/05/2019 13:27

I would call 101 and the likelihood is a PCSO might come out and have a chat, but no laws have been broken. Any safeguarding course I've ever been on tells you 'shifty' looking people get victimisted and stereotyped as they don't conform to societal norms.

TBH I doubt the police will 'monitor' him as they simply dont have the resources plus no crime has been committed. Im not sure its now illegal to be walking down a street you dont live on Hmm

formerbabe · 14/05/2019 13:28

Report it.

CarpetDiem · 14/05/2019 13:30

Look him up on the register

Damntheman · 14/05/2019 13:34

It's quite possible this person just isn't neurotypical. People who behave differently to us often set off our alarm bells because it's not expected societal behaviour.

I don't blame you for being antsy, I genuinely don't think the police will be able to do anything. But I'd keep an eye out anyway just in case.

Sosososotired · 14/05/2019 13:38

Report it. He may already be known to police. If nothing else, if there are further reports it would help to build up a picture. Maybe get in touch with your local safer neighbourhood team.

TwistedBiscuit · 14/05/2019 13:39

Any safeguarding course I've ever been on tells you 'shifty' looking people get victimisted and stereotyped as they don't conform to societal norms.

TBH this is a good reason to talk to the police, they can check him out and possibly give him some gentle guidance if necessary. Might protect him from getting beaten up by someone less reasonable than the OP!

SnowyAlpsandPeaks · 14/05/2019 13:42

It could well be someone who has certain motives, or it could be someone with a learning disability. I have worked with a lot of service users who look, act and talk just like everyone else, however there is a learning disability and it means that they can be over friendly and not understand ‘social norms’. It may be that he has gone to live with a family near by. So I would suggest talking to your community support officer first, but just reminding your children and the parents/other children in the neighbourhood to stay in groups, not go off alone etc, ‘stranger danger’. Because firstly you don’t want to label a person something they are not and secondly you still need to be cautious in case it is someone with another motive- so need to be on guard.

fruitbrewhaha · 14/05/2019 13:44

Does he work in the shop?

I'm with dametheman on this. He sounds a bit wierd but not harmful.

MallySally · 14/05/2019 13:44

You're talking about a man in a shop at first, then you say the shop assistant spoke to the girl. Which is it?

redhotchill · 14/05/2019 13:46

The same person. He is the shop assistant I think

howlongcanausernamebebeforeits · 14/05/2019 13:52

I think op means the shop assistant said hello gorgeous to the teen, probably familiar with them. Then the guy approached the teen.

I would report it.

Original poster
MimiRose01 · 14/05/2019 13:52

Some really great advice here so far, thank you all! He does work in the shop apparently. I haven’t encountered him yet. I wonder if I should pop in and get a feel for him? I’ll go in and get some milk this afternoon and hopefully he’ll be there. We have PCSO’s that patrol around here on a daily basis. I think I’ll have a chat with them and go from there. I’ll also speak to the neighbours and tell them to keep an eye on things.

OP posts:
howlongcanausernamebebeforeits · 14/05/2019 13:53

Oh cross post. Ok I read that wrong. If he works in the shop it should be easy for them to identify him then.

Original poster
MimiRose01 · 14/05/2019 13:55

@MallySally the man is the shop assistant. He works at the shop. Sorry, thought that was clear. Everything I have said involves the same guy, no one else was involved.

OP posts:
SnowyAlpsandPeaks · 14/05/2019 14:13

@MimiRose01 I know I said up thread he may have a learning disability for example, but like we said he may not and there could be other motives.

We talk to our children about not going off with ‘strangers’, but someone who works in a shop and sees children frequently may not be a ‘stranger’ in a child’s eyes. So reinforce they go with no one expect mummy, daddy etc. Because often a ‘stranger’ to a child is someone they don’t know. When research has shown that often it’s a perpetrator known to a child in some capacity.

CardinalCat · 14/05/2019 14:17

He had no good reason to be on our street (that I can think of) as he definitely doesn’t live on the street.

Apart from the part where he works at the corner shop, so he has plenty of reasons to be in your street.

I can't help but think that calling the police is a little hysterical. What exactly are you going to say? I don't like the new start at the local Spar- he seems very friendly!

I'm not sure what you're asking the police to do?

Marmablade · 14/05/2019 14:19

What is the man's crime? Talking to people? We're very trigger happy on MN to report but report what? OP I agree with your idea to go to the shop to see him for yourself, then you can decide what to do. Surely in the first instance if he is making customers feel uncomfortable you talk to his boss not the police?