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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To think I need to report this?

44 replies

MimiRose01 · 14/05/2019 13:05

Name changed for this as it’s possibly outing.

We live on a very safe cul-de-sac where all the children on our street play outside. My DD (8) was riding her bike up and down the street and was approached by a random stranger who apparently introduced himself and asked her what her name was and shook her hand. She told him she had to go home and got on her bike and came and told me what happened straight away. I was in the front garden so I wasn’t far from her but was bent down picking out weeds.

Later that day my DH walked to the corner shop with her and as they got to the till my DD pointed the man out as the man that spoke to her earlier. We’ve lived here for 8 years and this man is definitely new here, we’ve never seen him before. DH has felt very uneasy since and says he just got a very odd vibe from this guy (DH is very rational and NEVER says things like this)

We were chatting about all of this when my son (12) suddenly tells us that he has encountered this man a few times at the shop and that he is a bit strange. A few days ago DS was in the shop and the man was on the phone to someone and suddenly turned the camera to my DS and his friends to show them to whoever he was on the phone to and referred to them as ‘handsome’?! Apparently a teenage girl then walked in (around 14 years old) and the shop assistant said ‘hello gorgeous’ as she walked in. He then started telling her she was very pretty.

AIBU to think this is all a bit of a red flag? Am I just being paranoid? He had no good reason to be on our street (that I can think of) as he definitely doesn’t live on the street. We know every single one of our neighbours. I don’t feel safe letting DD out to play with the neighbours kids now! We haven’t brought this up with anyone else as I know how dangerous an accusation like this can be. We want to tread very lightly but we also want to make sure our kids are safe. I’m not even sure who we could approach about this? Any advice would be great.

OP posts:

Original poster

MimiRose01 · 14/05/2019 14:20

@SnowyAlpsandPeaks that is very true! A lot of the kids on this street go to the corner shop on their own so he probably isn’t a ‘stranger’ to them anymore. I’m going to pop in this afternoon on my own and suss him out a bit.

OP posts:

KissUntilTheyDieOfRabies · 14/05/2019 14:22

I'd be concerned he was introducing himself to the kids because some people say that then you're not a stranger anymore and stranger danger doesn't count.

Your dd acted well. Nothing wrong with checking up on someone, as long as there's no paedo man hunts as they get it wrong so often.

HomeMadeMadness · 14/05/2019 14:24

@Marmablade No one has suggested the man has committed a crime. They have said that his behaviour is odd and suspicious. It could be worth logging it with 101 in case it escalated or builds to a bigger picture of suspect behaviour. If the man is known to police as a danger to children it could also trigger immediate action. It could also be that he's just an odd man or has learning difficulties in which case no harm would have been done.

Original poster

MimiRose01 · 14/05/2019 14:25

@Marmablade this is exactly why I’m trying to get an objective opinion on the matter. It was certainly not my first thought to go to the police. I actually said to DH that I should speak to his boss first before doing anything else.

OP posts:

Original poster

MimiRose01 · 14/05/2019 14:28

@CardinalCat we live on a private road with no thoroughfare. It’s a good 5-10 minute walk to the shop. The shop is not on our road.

OP posts:

IAmTheChosenOne · 14/05/2019 14:33

@mimi I actually said to DH that I should speak to his boss first before doing anything else.

And say what exactly?

He has every right to be in any road.

PamelaX · 14/05/2019 14:33

well done to your daughter to do the right thing and rush to you.

How can you hesitate for a minute to report! It's not normal for random people to start talking with children.

No one is asking you to get a squad of armed police, but reporting immediately is the right and only thing to do.

PamelaX · 14/05/2019 14:34

to add:
I'd rather report to the police than publish a photo on the local facebook group to warn other parents and start an unfair vigilante action.

report.

Lovemusic33 · 14/05/2019 14:38

When I first started reading your post I thought maybe it was just a man with some kind of sn’s but as I read further I began to think more of it. I think I would report, he may already be known to the police, he may be a sex offender who has just been released and rehoused in the area? If so then he could be a big risk and could be breaching bail conditions. He sounds creepy.

ncdforthis · 14/05/2019 15:00

I was just about to write what I can see a last poster has written - he could be someone who is already known to the police and has been rehoused or relocated there. I don't know whether any record would have prohibited him from being able to work in a shop or not. As he works there, at least someone will know his full name. I'd report it to the police and tell them his name once you've got it and where he works. He might already be known to them in which case they may be very interested, or if not but someone else reports him they're more likely to investigate him properly

SamBaileys · 14/05/2019 15:05

@CarpetDiem register? How would you go about doing that? We're in a similar position to OP.

Yabbers · 14/05/2019 15:47

I don’t think there is anything to report yet, but I agree it’s totally inappropriate for him to be calling 14 year olds handsome and gorgeous

Approaching an 8 year old out playing and asking her name, engaging her in conversation = something to report

Showing some unknown person on his phone, a group of children and referring to them as handsome and pretty = something to report

The police will take both of these incidents seriously and speak to the person.

This may well be just someone being friendly, and if that’s the case, there is no problem. But it might not be and that is worth looking in to.

I am the least likely to be trigger happy when it comes to reporting but this doesn’t sound right to me.

formerbabe · 14/05/2019 17:15

What is the man's crime? Talking to people?

Oh come on... all of us know that grown men should not be striking up conversations with children they don't know who are out by themselves.

CarpetDiem · 15/05/2019 08:36

sambaileys these types of situations are exactly what Sarah's Law was implemented for & so parents can follow their instincts without formally reporting an instinct. Follow this Sarah's law link for how to check registers

SamBaileys · 15/05/2019 18:02

@CarpetDiem Thank you, I'll have a look..I knew about Sarahs law but thought they would only disclose if a person was in direct contact with children, scout leader or similar..thanks again.

Hermano · 15/05/2019 18:07

I'd tell your DD not to shake hands with someone she doesn't know, not even to teach out her hand to them. I thought that was how a lot of people are grabbed?

As for reporting him etc... Definitely check him out yourself, see what kind of vibe you get. If you're still worried I'd ask the local police if they're is any reason to worry about him. No harm in having a quiet word.

But definitely tighten up the safeguarding training for the kids

Cornettoninja · 15/05/2019 18:14

It’s good that you have a regular pcso patrolling and worth a chat with them.

It may be that this man has some sort of neuro issue but if that’s the case, as he’s working locally, he needs pointing out to him what is and isn’t appropriate. Someone much less rational than you could come to their own conclusions and the consequences could be awful.

If his intentions are anything less than innocent then it’s a good thing for him to know that people have him on their radar.

I agree with the notion that we can’t treat everybody as a potential threat but sometimes you have to err on the side of caution, especially when your own children have clearly said his behaviour has made them uncomfortable.

curtaintrail · 15/05/2019 21:57

It could well be someone who has certain motives, or it could be someone with a learning disability. I have worked with a lot of service users who look, act and talk just like everyone else, however there is a learning disability and it means that they can be over friendly and not understand ‘social norms’

This may be so. However, I do think that children should be taught to listen to their gut sense of feeling uncomfortable.

And service users who do not understand societal boundaries may well cross them in an unacceptable manner. Let's not sanction that because they have learning difficulties. Over and above the protection of children, for their sake, at least, reinforcement of those boundaries is important as well as it protects vulnerable adults.

I think reporting the incidents does no harm. Boundaries were crossed and it made children feel uncomfortable. It may or may not form part of a wider jigsaw. I'd ring 101.

maxiflump1 · 15/05/2019 22:06

You wouldn't get a disclosure under Sarah's law in these circumstances. Sarah's law is for people that have direct contact with your child eg new partner not just some random guy in the street.

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