to think my DH has missed the point of marriage?

[Merchant]

Prepared to be told I’m wrong here but today my DH told me that I’m not the centre of his universe. Shouldn’t I though? Surely married people should be the centre of each other’s universes (along with the kids) with friends and extended family in the universe but circling round the edges. Am I taking his comment too seriously? It comes off the back of a crap couple of years where he’s told me he loves me but he’s not in love with me. So now I’m not the centre of his universe either. If your spouse isn’t at the centre of your universe then what’s the point of being married?!!? What does everyone else think?

If he were saying it in an 'I think it's important for people to be their own person and have independence even within a marriage', philosophical kind of way, with no specific reference to your relationship, then I'd agree with him. But by the sounds of it, that is not his motivation for saying it.

I'm not sure I need to be the centre of his universe ( kids better be) but I do expect to be his favourite person and the most important person in his life (again other than kids).

Since he’s not in love with you then it’s bot surprising you’re not the centre of his universe

Maybe he means he has other interests - work, children hobbies, Line of Duty etc and that op is one part of this. Ie. His life doesn’t revolve solely around her.

I would be worried by that OP.
Both dh and I have very good, interesting and creative careers but I would definitely say that he is the centre of my universe and I am his. By this I mean he is the first person I want to share things with whether good or bad. We spend a lot of time together and we like it that way. We also have friends and a busy lives but I think it is fair to say that we are each other's favourite person.

Along with dd. though now she is a teen with all those challenges it's definitely easier to spend time with dh at time

I have friends who have girlfriends they confide in more than their husbands, I am definitely not like that.

Dh and I are together 20 years so not in the first flushes of love either but our lives are most definitely 100% together.

I would be pretty worried and sad if dh said he was not in love with me and I was not the centre of his universe tbh

mine is currently the centre of my universe however i'm not dependent on him.

It used to be DC but she passed away in January, luckily DP has always been aware of his place in the pecking order

My husband is my favourite person but he's still not the centre of my universe. I'd find that far too intense, to be quite honest.

Marriage (and long term relationships) are a myth we have all been fed. You only have to look at the threads on here. Men don't want them, most women do. Maybe it would be healthier if we just accepted that.

Yeap, "centre of universe" is OTT.

I always thought that 'I love you but I'm not in love with you' was the standard phrase used by men who are in love, or lust, with someone else, but still have some residual affection for lucky old you.

Being the centre of your partner's universe is just a rather dramatic way of saying that your lives revolve around each other, which is what most couples in love mean by it I expect.

So these two statements together are very telling.