To wear a fascinator to a funeral?

[JovialNickname]

It is very sadly the funeral of one of my close friends in a couple of days time. I am fortunate enough to have never attended a funeral before so do not really know what would be the appropriate style of dress.

My now deceased friend was always very well groomed, and appreciated people making an effort, so I wanted to reflect that in what I am going to wear to the service. I had planned on a plain black shift dress (up to the neck and knee length, smart and not clingy) with high heeled black closed court shoes and a small black fascinator. Minimal make up - just a little foundation to stop me looking too washed out. I thought this would be entirely appropriate, but now reading "funeral etiquette" type guides online they seem to suggest flat shoes only for females and nothing too showy/festive. Will I be dressed appropriately? I don't want to look like an attention grabbing twat. By the way the fascinator is a black headband with a small black net bow on it and a couple of small (2 in?) feathers.

Thank you people of mumsnet if you can help! Any advice appreciated

That all sounds fine to me apart from the fascinatior. I really wouldn’t.

Flat shoes aren't necessary but I wouldn't wear a fascinator.

Mind you I think they're dreadful things anyway, but especially so at a funeral.

Make up is fine, so long as it's not OTT.

I wouldn't wear a fascinator, it's not appropriate for a funeral IMO. How high are the heels? 1-2 inches fine, more than that is too high I think.

A fascinator seems a tad 'frivolous' for a funeral. The rest of your outfit sounds om though

Heels, nude dress, all great.

Fascinated! God no. You'd be like Joan Crawford or something. Please don't!

I wouldn't bother with the fascinator. I don't know if it's inappropriate or not, just that there's no requirement for it.

Dress and shoes sound fine. Just dress sombrely (think interview rather than party).

And now I'm laughing because autocorrect changed 'nice' to 'nude'.

Don't go nude for the love of god

OK.. Not om

I wouldn’t wear a fascinator

I would ditch the fascinator. Maybe lower the shoes but they definitely don't need to be flat. Height of heel really depends on what you would normally wear. No cleavage or thighs and you should be fine

YWBU to wear a fascinator to a funeral.

Demure and understated is the way to go. It's a sombre occasion, and while some might see it as a celebration of someone's life, you have to remember that that someone is no longer with us.

BTW, I don't know the OP or the deceased.

It's not really an occasion for you to be seen, where a facinator is all "look-at-me" and far too showy.
Realistically, no one cares what you wear providing it's respectful. A facinator may also make it look like you're trying to "out-grieve" everyone else

No, definitely not a fascinator.

I don't think a fascinator would be appropriate (I'm Irish, we go to a lot of funerals) but the rest of the outfit sounds perfect

I'm sorry to hear about your friend x

Flats probably suggested if going to an internment so you don't sink into grass.

Def no fascinator.

Sounds nice except fascinator-

More appropriate may be a black pill box hat with veil if you like but it's really probably better to just have
A nice hairstyle, not too OTT as a friend as I'd normally think of a wife etc wearing such a hat

I'm probably not the best placed to answer, as I refused to wear black to my parents' funerals.

Why do you want to wear the fascinator? "Modern" take on the black hat and black veil?

Thinking about it, I don't really remember what anybody else wore to my parents' funerals. Unless somebody had turned up in something utterly outrageous or offensive I am not sure I would have noticed.

It was more important to me that people had come - to me that's what is important, not whether you are wearing heels or flats, etc etc.

Flat shoes aren't necessary just not 6 inch fuck me stilettos.

Sorry for your loss

A fascinator would be odd and attention-seeking.

Thank you everyone for your replies - much appreciated! A unanimous verdict it seems so I shall ditch the fascinator and keep the rest of the outfit. Thank you O wise ones of mumsnet (aside from the poster that said I should go nude!) x

Heels are fine but dear god don’t wear the fascinator. Sorry for your loss.

I'm going to buck the trend and say yes, definitely wear it. To honour your friend. A lot of people wore hats/fascinations to my Dad's funeral. He would have loved it.

Mentioned my parents because I was trying to look at it from the perspective of the family, btw. I'd tend to be led by the family of the person whose funeral it is.

I also think a fascinator would be a bit . I also agree with the "think interview" suggestion by a pp. You'd look a bit bonkers showing up to an interview in a fascinator!

So sorry about your friend btw.

Unless you’re Sue Pollard of course......