To wear a fascinator to a funeral?

[JovialNickname]

It is very sadly the funeral of one of my close friends in a couple of days time. I am fortunate enough to have never attended a funeral before so do not really know what would be the appropriate style of dress.

My now deceased friend was always very well groomed, and appreciated people making an effort, so I wanted to reflect that in what I am going to wear to the service. I had planned on a plain black shift dress (up to the neck and knee length, smart and not clingy) with high heeled black closed court shoes and a small black fascinator. Minimal make up - just a little foundation to stop me looking too washed out. I thought this would be entirely appropriate, but now reading "funeral etiquette" type guides online they seem to suggest flat shoes only for females and nothing too showy/festive. Will I be dressed appropriately? I don't want to look like an attention grabbing twat. By the way the fascinator is a black headband with a small black net bow on it and a couple of small (2 in?) feathers.

Thank you people of mumsnet if you can help! Any advice appreciated

I wear heels most days so wear heels to a funeral if I have to attend one. No fascinator though I've never seen one worn to a funeral. I usually go for dark dress, dark tight, dark shoes. Coat of approprtaie for the weather. Not always black I've worn grey and navy but sombre unless directed by immediate family. At my Grans funeral I wore a bright blue top but she never wore black so that would have been inappropriate and we requested colourful. If I have no direction I go dark and not look at me.

I wouldn’t - but then I wore a Christmas tree decoration in my hair at dads funeral. It was a family joke.

Jesus. Obviously don't wear a fascinator to a funeral. FFS.

I've attached photos of real life funerals in the last couple of years. I think the fascinator is a sign of dressing up and respect.

I definitely won't be wearing it so I'm very glad I asked! I'm really not a "look at me" person so I'm really grateful for the good advice, thank you all. (Also I haven't taken the tags off the bloody thing yet so can get a refund as well.) x

When DHs Grandma died her best friend ( from childhood) wore a red lacy top because “ she knew it would scandalise GM in law”

I wore a fascinator to a funeral. However it was my husbands funeral and there was no way I wasn’t going to look my best for him.

The other thing with heel at funerals is that they sink into the grass around the graveside. Also very high heels look too party time.
Your dress sounds good, heels ok if they are medium and sturdy enough, or if it is not also a burial. I do wear hats to funerals sometimes, but nothing too Ascot. You want to look smart and as though you have made an effort, but sombre in tone.

Don’t wear heels if it’s a burial! Fine for crematorium though.

Sorry for your loss

Sorry for your loss. I'd say it's only a good idea if you are a vet close family member as pp said re her husbands funeral. What a lovely approach @Widowodiw

Against the consensus, but I would wear it as a tribute to your friend. Funerals are such strange affairs. If you wear it and anyone comments then you can say 'I loved her style, I thought she would have liked it' and you may bring a smile to someone's face as you both remember your friend.
Whatever you decide, sorry for your loss and hope the funeral goes as well as these things can.

No. No fascinator

@alldressedupinblue I wouldn't be using those photos as a style guide

I was thinking that @itscallednickingbentcoppers

All well and good covering your head at a funeral but I'd generally start with covering my arse!

Don't ever wear fascinators. Not. Ever.

High heels are ok for a funeral depending on what they look like, I suppose.