To not know how to respond

[PinkGlitter123]

When friend said the reason she couldn't tell me what was upsetting her was because she knew I would tell all my family/friends what she said. She also told me that it put her off confiding in me because of this.

Apologise for being a blabber?

Apologise and stop gossiping about your friends.

You don't seem to be denying it?

Is it true?

I'm with her, if it is. There's not much that you need to say, apart from sorry, perhaps.

Well, say sorry but also accept that she’s not going to tell you stuff anymore as you are unreliable. And tell her you understand why she can’t confide in you.

Isn’t it obvious how to respond?! Do you value your friendships or not??

Ouch!

Is what she said fair and true?

If it’s true, apologise and work on rebuild trust.

If it’s not true then I see why you are hurt, because she has developed an unfair view of you. I don’t know if there is much you can do about it though

How do we know how you should respond? It depends entirely on whether this is an unfounded accusation or whether you’re a latter day Mrs Mangel.

Is this a reverse?

I think you've done the right thing by asking around to see what other people think about the conversation.

If it's true, then a massive apology for your untrustworthy behaviour is in order. So obviously you have to now commit to zipping it completely, on things people have told you in confidence. Also consider not getting involved in secrets.

If it isn't true, you need to clarify what is going on, because if people think you've betrayed ther trust when you haven't, th sa t needs fixing.

It was a situation between us which I wanted some opinions on. I didn't badmouth her, I just wanted to get some feedback from family and friends on it.

family and friends

So how many people did you discuss it with?

It’s not your place to discuss her personal stuff with your friends and family.

How did she find out you’d been gossiping about her?

Apologise?? You can’t blame her!

It was a situation between us which I wanted some opinions on. I didn't badmouth her, I just wanted to get some feedback from family and friends on it.

So what did you expect? You should have kept it to yourself.

I've been in your friend's position and it's really hurtful. Especially when you have told someone not to say anything and then find out loads of people know.
If your friend wanted your family and friends opinion she would have asked them but she confided in you.

I would apologise and say you don't expect to be confided in but you are sorry

Well she has a point doesn't she? You told everyone before, wanting opinions or not you were gossiping. This is the consequence.

In her situation would you trust you?

Is she one of the people you asked MN opinions about too? Tina, Mel?

Apologise and get used to fact that she won't be telling you stuff.

But it wasn't anything she had told me in secret. I was just commenting on why she was acting like she was and wondering what to do about it. I didn't betray her trust

I wouldn’t confide in you either.

I can’t see why she’s still friends with you at all.

You haven’t answered how many people you told. “Some” and “family and friends” implies several.

To be fair it sounds like she has a point.

She sounds - erm - dramatic

If you didn’t do anything wrong, and know this to be the case, then don’t let her make you think you have.

Leave her to her misconceptions

I was just commenting on why she was acting like she was and wondering what to do about it

Was the reason she was acting like she was common knowledge? If not then you shouldn't have been talking about her behind her back. If she had told everyone why she was acting as she was then I suppose it's no harm to discuss it between you to see how you can all help.