To not know how to respond

[PinkGlitter123]

When friend said the reason she couldn't tell me what was upsetting her was because she knew I would tell all my family/friends what she said. She also told me that it put her off confiding in me because of this.

You need to apologise if it's true and hope that she doesn't recognise you on MN as she'll never trust you again if she works out that this thread is about her.

It wasn't common knowledge she was behaving like that. I too thibj it was a bit dramatic/paranoid as nothing was said maliciously

No your gob has given her some repercussions and you don’t see any issue with it

Surprising

It wasn't common knowledge she was behaving like that.

And yet you talked to what appears to be a number of people about it. Can’t you see why she’s upset?

Don't blame her.

I’m on Team Friend here.

It wasn't common knowledge she was behaving like that.

Well, you made it common knowledge though didn't you, by talking about your friend to other people. She's right. She can't trust you.

Don't gossip about people and you won't have this problem.

Nobody had told her I was talking about it though. She just assumed as I am very close to my family and friends.

Nobody had told her I was talking about it though.

How do you know that?

She just assumed as I am very close to my family and friends.

She was right. You are seriously in the wrong here.

She assumed correctly didn't she? You must have form for this or she would have no reason to think you would blab.

You are being massively unreasonable and it's a shame you can't see it.

How do you know no-one told her?

For all you know someone in your circle might be an untrustworthy blabbermouth.

Oh, I see.

As you were, everyone.

If you are a "sharer" then you can't expect to be told stuff that people don't want shared.

I would have responded at the time though with a " I promise if you ever told me anything in confidence I can be trusted to keep that confidence, I hope you know that, but I understand why you feel like this". Obviously only reply like that of it was true and you would keep mum.

My MIL is a gossip, as a result I tell her nothing. She wants to be closer, but she can't be trusted. You sound similar.

As I said, nothing was a secret. She hadn't told me anything private.
She just assumed and yes she was right but it wasn't done in a horrible way. I ended up saying I didn't have a bad word to say about her and she can talk to me about anything.

Well she can’t can she? If she doesn’t want you to discuss it with family and friends.

Not sure what the issue is, tbh.

You sound like my mum and sister, OP. I don't tell them anything anymore because even the smallest thing becomes something they want to discuss between them. One example was my plans for a home birth four years ago that I only recently found out they'd both been 'deeply worried about' and had therefore discussed at length for months on end. It wasn't a secret I was planning one, but it wasn't nice to find out it had been the subject of many conversations that I hadn't been a part of. If they'd come to me for reassurance or information, I'd have given it. Instead they decided to ask each other's advice and opinions on something that wasn't anything to do with them.

In answer to your question, what I would do in your shoes is speak to the friend face-to-face to say you have taken it on board and you're going to stop chatting about her. And mean it. Then prove to her over time that you don't need to speak to your wider family about her or her news. And slowly, maybe she'll start to confide in you more. If she does, you continue to not talk about her with your family. Don't be defensive or make excuses. She has told you she doesn't like your behaviour, so either understand where she's coming from or end the friendship.

Do you have a habit of gossiping Pink? Do you, for instance, post about other people's private situations on here? But you think it's OK because they don't know you're doing it?

You need to start looking at your own actions. Other people's problems and behaviour are not your concern. It's very rude to share private information with others, whatever your intentions.

She assumed and she was right that tells you everything you need to know. It really doesn't matter what way it was done, the fact is because it was done she doesn't think you are discreet so doesn't want to confide in you. She's correct. What do you want from her? Do you think she should just take a chance and tell you, hoping you don't decide to poll friends and family?

This reminds me of a thread on her a few months ago. The OP’s friend’s husband came onto her and told her it was okay as they had an open marriage. OP then proceeded to ask several mutual friends whether they knew if this was true. Friend then emailed everyone saying she had something to tell them and met up with the OP to tell her it was indeed true.

The OP’s AIBU? ‘Why is she making such a point of telling everyone her private business? Why does she think everyone is SO obsessed with her life?’ Maybe because you and your bunch of fishwives had been swapping stories about it?!