To ask my in laws to lie?

[NoHolidaysforyou]

My DH and I have been married for 5 years and we have kids.

The way we met has always been an awkward story because the truth is that we met online. He told his family the truth about how we met and I never did. I told my family that we met while we were both traveling. My family is very old school and I think they would be really upset (especially my mum) if they knew the truth. Because my DH's family and my family live in different parts of the world, they have never met (we eloped 5 years ago). Now my parents have offered to fly all of DH's family out to where they live so they can finally meet so they are flying family out from the UK and South Africa to the States. This is great but I am now worried that the story about how we met is going to come up.

Anyways, AIBU to ask my in laws to lie about how my DH and I really met?

There is absolutely nothing wrong with meeting online is there?!

I read that as 'ask my in-laws to die" 🤦‍♀️🤦‍♀️🤦‍♀️

No. Don't ask them to lie. Just say it and it's done with.

@blackcatclocks

I'd love to see that conversation play out

I don't understand what's so bad about having met online. I can sort of understand that they'd be skeptical about who you were talking to at first but obviously they never knew at the time and you're way beyond that now and are together.

What is it that concerns you? Telling them that you met online or having to admit you lied in the first place?

@FreshAprilStart

I was coming on to go, of course that's unreasonable you crazy person 😂

Firstly, I read it the same as @blackcatclocks first and thought ‘shit, that’s cold’.

There is literally zero wrong with meeting online. Just tell them and get it out of the way.

@Merryoldgoat so glad it wasn't just me!

@Purplelion I don't think there's any issue with meeting people online but unfortunately my family has the mindset that it's only for desperate people. I have tried to persuade my brother to use Tinder or something since he got divorced like 8 years ago but he won't and always says he won't because that's for desperate people. I have always been the more open minded one of the family.

I don’t really understand if I’m honest....half the younger married couples I know met online.. it’s not odd. Not sure why you feel you need to keep up the lie. Can you elaborate?

They need to get over it. It’s not like you met in a strip club while he stuffed fivers in your pants. And even if you had, it still wouldn’t be any of their business.

I think asking your in laws to lie would be significantly more uncomfortable than your family finding out that years ago you and your husband first got chatting online.

Don't tell them to lie, just mention to them that your family don't know how you met as they wouldn't approve. I am sure they will understand and won't bring it up, it is unlikely to come up in conversation anyway.

I know what you mean. Totally and utterly despair with you and I have nothing to advise. I come from a very conservative family too. My sister had to lie when she met her ex online - said she met him at Starbucks. She finally came clean, and surprise - they’re not together anymore. I had to lie numerous times when I moved - I get it OP. Sorry you’re going through this.

Sorry x posted.. so what? Proof of the pudding and all that. I still think you should just tell them and don’t discuss it any further.

Genuinely baffled that your mum would be ‘upset’ if she knew. How does is change anything?!

I don't understand what's so bad about having met online
You should tell them. Who cares what they think, you know they are wrong.

So yabu

But it all worked out so who cares what they think or say? They’ve been proven wrong!

Tell them and educate them. Be the member of the family who moves things forwards rather than cringing under the oppressive, outdated status quo.

Hmm ok well my DH and I met online, we chatted for 2 years then I flew to the UK (from the US) and we hit it off. We got married 2 months after I flew out. To a normal person this might sound... Crazy? We've been married for 5 years though so it's been working out.

Ps it’s horribly controlling to ask others to lie.

Why do you care so much about what your parents think? You are an adult, remember?

Just be breezy about it.

What’s more desperate - meeting and marrying your true love, or staying single for years and years because you’re too embarrassed to try anything new or different?

Yeah... I wish I could get my mind around just telling them. I just can't imagine the fallout. I think my mum would be pissed that I lied to her and flew out to a foreign country to meet a guy I met online.

I think my mum would be pissed that I lied to her and flew out to a foreign country to meet a guy I met online.

Are you 15?

Don't ask them to lie. If the truth comes out just laugh and say, "yeah I made up a silly story because I know you think online dating is naff but, guess what, it worked" and move on. You're not a child. Stop worrying about what your parents think.