Escape to the Country

[MatthewBramble]

This is utter bollocks isn't it. They never buy any of the houses shown, there's a boring bit in the middle about local "crafts" or what have you and the "mystery" house is always totally unsuitable in one way oe another.

Kirstie and Phil could have re-housed a small town in the time these idiots waste on bugger all.

What I don't get on housy programme's and I love them, is you know you're going to be on TV, brush your hair, ditch the fleece salmon coloured gilet and the well worn runners. Put on even a little makeup and fgs get rid of the ponytail hairdo. As for the men, the old t-shirt and Tesco jeans.
Would ye not make some sort of effort. Homes under the hammer, same thing and then it's all cream walls and beige carpet. Crikey I know it's a rental but could you not go pistachio green or duck eggs blue even.

It smacks a bit too much of the good fortune of the baby-boomer generation. Country villages are going to be full of ageing baby-boomer couples in 4/5 bed houses with humongous "farmhouse" kitchens, and the local young people will be forced to live in tatty static caravans as they are priced out of the rural areas.

I was put off after watching one where the couple already lived in the country and ran an "animal charity" (which seemed like a tea-room in a barn with a few bunnies/goats about the place) and there was something about him buying a very hi-spec car as well.

Not even the ever-charming Alaistair in his tasteful knitwear can tempt me back!

It is utter bobbins and the couples seem like terrible time wasters, but I think Alistair Appleton is the most beautiful person in existence so always watch his episodes

I watch these shows on Britbox and YouTube for nostalgia and homesickness. A few things always irritate me though...

The couple that rejects every single house where you can hear the slightest distant car driving by if you stand silently in the drive or garden and strain your ears for a few hours. Yet they absolutely must have at least a double garage because they will be bringing at least two cars and Mr will be roaring along the country roads at 4 am to get the early train to London where he will continue working as a stockbroker.

Insisting on a huge kitchen and dining area or dining room because “we love to cook and entertain”. The size if the kitchen they want increases their price by about 20k so they are spending all that just to impress people who probably come round once a month. And then it will show them in their current house, in the kitchen, supposedly cooking and/or entertaining and they are hacking away at a carrot with the wrong type of knife, sawing it like a log, obviously having never chopped a vegetable in their lives.

Needing a house with lots of “storage”. If you’re storing stuff in the loft you don’t need it on a regular basis, if at all. Get rid of it.

They also had a “Home or USA” spin-off and I think of all the couples they showed only 1 of them actually had the necessary visas to live here. Although it was supposed to be about the USA, all but one of the homes were in central Florida, and being viewed by people who have been there on holiday a few times and “love the lifestyle” - we all love the lifestyle of being on holiday! Living here is completely different. When you’re sitting there doing your tax returns and trying to find healthcare you can afford, on top of property repairs and the utility bills for having the pool and the a/c on 24 hours a day and trying to find a school for your kids in a state with some of the worst education results in the country I don’t think you’ll “love the lifestyle” and you’ll realize why most Americans wouldn’t live in Florida for all the money in the world.

The very charming Alastair Appleton is my favourite presenter on ETTC but I wish he'd ditch the beard, it really doesn't suit him.

And what the frig is 'life-style' anyway - we all have to get out of bed in the morning, wash and dress, etc - how can it be any different in the country?

I loathe the way the couples act as one unit, with identical opinions. "Oh we don't want beams, we don't like poky kitchens, we like cottage style...." FFS, you're two separate human beings with your own fucking opinions, no matter how long you've been married.

I'd actually quite like to go on just for the being sent to go donkey knitting in deepest darkest Shropshire - the trying out crafty bits looks really really fun.

With Kirstie Allsop trying to set herself up as the patron saint of crafters - I think Location Location is missing a trick here really - cut out one of the house viewing and send the prospective buyers off for a graffiti spray art workshop in Bognor Regis before the ad break.

I just wonder why all of these Tarquins and Jacinthas haven’t heard of Rightmove.

I like the way the houses are always so immaculately presented with nary a sign that anyone actually lives there at all. Or at all like the properties on estate agents’ websites where the vendors have all their personal stuff on show.

ETTC is one of my guilty pleasures, but like many, I always watch on record so that I can skip the crap.

What gets me is the couples in their late 60s or older who want 5 bedrooms and 3 acres to run a B&B and keep llamas in a location with no neighbours. They have no clue as to the work involved and that within 5 or 10 years they'll be hating it and spending most of their life commuting to healthcare and other services they increasingly need.

My other bugbear is the couples who seem to be buying for other people who want to come and stay. Yep, they'll come maybe twice a year for a free holiday and the rest of the time it'll be just you.

Some lovely houses, but most of the couples haven't a clue about country life.

Also why do they always show them eating at home?? One wasp iterally sat eating lettuce in a plate.
It just seems a really odd thing to set up deliberately, ooh now let's have a shot of you eating to prove you're not Robots....

But yeswe wat h on play back to avoid donkey weaving

I always find it annoying when couples living in an above average size 3 bed semi, with a good size garden, in a naice commuter town always want to move because they need space for their 18 month old Tilly. 🙄

Alistair Appleton is the most beautiful person in existence so always watch his episodes

Same here

But agree with pp he should ditch the beard.

don't forget christmas, they always seem to go on about that.
I watched one the other day where they did actually buy the house. they put an offer in before the end of the show.

mateysmum

What gets me is the couples in their late 60s or older who want 5 bedrooms and 3 acres to run a B&B and keep llamas in a location with no neighbours. They have no clue as to the work involved and that within 5 or 10 years they'll be hating it and spending most of their life commuting to healthcare and other services they increasingly need.”

This. Research shows again and again that abandoning everything youve known and going to live the dream in the middle of nowhere in retirement is an huge mistake for many.
After decades of the constant slog and expense of maintaining large family houses and gardens, my husband and I are desperately looking forward to downsizing to a city centre flat with a big balcony, minimal maintenance - which someone else will come and do - having immediate access to facilities, culture, healthcare, public transport (and hopefully still a bus pass) and finally having a bit of spare cash to enjoy it all. And not a bloody llama in sight .

Langrish
That's exactly what 2 of my sets of friends are doing.One in Reading - right by the Thames and a 5 min walk from the station and MnS. The other to a flat in hip hopping central Manchester.

Langrish I'm only in my late 30s so a long way off retirement but that is my exact dream. I'm going to get an unlimited cinema card, go twice a week then walk home to my little flat for a nap when I retire. Feck llamas.

And another one where the woman said she would take out the log burner and put in a flame effect gas fire

Don't scoff. I would gladly have done this. Our woodburner was bloody useless and high maintenance and had no back boiler so only heated one room anyway (when it felt like it). If our village had had gas, I would happily have replaced the bastard thing with a gas fire that actually did the job.

Also the friends and family visiting? Hardly ever happened and we had a B&B so plenty of guest space! Ooh, maybe people just don't like us?

Anyway, now I've escaped from the country and have happily re-joined the 9-5 rat race, I rarely get to see it but I do remember one where the couple went back in to the house for the second look around and when they came out Alistair/Jules/Jonnie/Catherine (showing my age there) asked "thoughts?" to which they replied "we've put an offer in and the sellers have accepted" which was pleasing.

DH and I even had an ETTC catchphrase when we watched it more regularly: "DON'T DO IT!! THERE'S NOTHING BUT MUD!!"

I wish someone would tell my husbsnd this. His dream when he retires/kuds leave home is to get a huge house with acres of land (not sure how hes budgeting for it) in the middle of nowhere. I like having neighbours close by because i am -a scaredy cat quite sociable and have seen what benefit good neighbours have been to my parents when they are old and in ill health. Also having seen various elderly friends/relatives give up driving i think it makes sense to be not so isolated.

"DON'T DO IT!! THERE'S NOTHING BUT MUD!!"

made me laugh Charlotte for first time today

(though I'm afraid it is my fantasy-will-never-happen-though)!

There isn't just mud!

There is is also poop and sometimes, puddles 👍

(I do love living in the country and I wouldn't want to move back to a town, but it's good to be realistic about what you're getting into [fetches wellies] )

There was a house 100m from me on ETTC and its a rural area. Stunning 200+ yr old cottage and the stupid bint said it was too rural.

Happy for someone like that to stay in the city.

Classic one today.

Couple in their 60s, holding hands,looking to downsize but every house was too small. They loved the mystery house a massive 5 bed pile with a large garden.

All the bloke could think about was where would they put all their furniture and their huge coffee table and a garage for his merc.

Alistair Appleton is the most beautiful person in existence so always watch his episodes

He is truly lovely. And gay.