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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Having a shit time on holiday?

58 replies

napalmskies · 11/05/2019 15:26

I’m in fucking Miami and I’m miserable.

Came with a friend (supported her for 9 years listening to her bullshit relationship the entire time) and now they’ve broken up again for good and it’s all she’s talked about the entire holiday and we went out for breakfast and she started crying.

I’m genuinely not a horrible friend as I have supported her for so long but I paid for this holiday too and our conversation is just going around in circles saying the exact same thing.

OP posts:
extremebungee · 11/05/2019 15:29

Have you got any activity booked?

Other people you could chat to in the hotel etc?

Failing that have a korona margarita in Senor Frogs and tell her that you feel bad but can you talk about something else?

Patiopauline · 11/05/2019 15:31

Be honest with her. Tell her you sympathise but you can either sit there miserable and have a shit time or park it for the moment and agree to talk about it when you get home.

She needs to give her head a wobble and remember its your holiday too.

lunicorn · 11/05/2019 15:36

Get strategic about the rest of the holiday. See if you can get some time to yourself and go and do some sightseeing. Suggest something you know she wouldn't want to do so you get some time to yourself.

HollowTalk · 11/05/2019 15:49

Go out on day trips on your own if she wants to sit and wallow. I bet you my house her ex isn't wallowing - he'll be off enjoying himself.

This is reminding me of another thread where a woman went on holiday with someone who didn't speak to her the whole time - does anyone remember it?

Celeriacacaca · 11/05/2019 15:51

Don't let this ruin your holiday. As others have said, get yourself out and about and say you need some time to yourself. Be firm!

stayathomer · 11/05/2019 15:51

Do something amazing/ fun/ go to some comedy SOMETHING!!! Tell her you just feel as you're on holiday you need to do something. Give her loads of hugs and if possible bring her but if not ... well ...

Durgasarrow · 11/05/2019 15:52

You have a right to a good holiday. Triage. Say you'll spend a certain amount of time listening to her, but you have things you want to see and do and DO THEM.

Lovemusic33 · 11/05/2019 15:54

I would say “look Karen, I know your upset about your relationship ending and I fully support you but how about we start making the most of this holiday and forget about the ass hole you left behind? We are here now so we might as well make the most of things and bloody enjoy ourselves”. If she refuses then just go on some trips alone and leave her at the hotel sobbing into her pillow, it’s your holiday too.

HaudYerWheeshtYaWeeBellend · 11/05/2019 15:54

How long are you there OP for? If everyone she mentions her relationship, I’d quickly change the subject.... we are on holiday let’s enjoy ourselves, what activity can we do today, let’s go to X etc...

Refused to engage

SlipperOrchid · 11/05/2019 15:54

I've been there OP but thankfully not at an expensive holiday destination! Same story, tears, analysis in a circle. For YEARS. There is only so much sympathy you can give. I ended up telling her she was better off without him and he wasn't a nice man. She was shocked because for years I had just listened and listened without giving any advice. But one night when we were supposed to be going somewhere and we ended up sitting in a car with her crying outside the place we were meant to be in, I just had enough. It didn't cheer her up but it meant she was less inclined to talk about him when we met up again.

In your situation, I would gently explain to her that it would be in her best interests to enjoy the holiday and that could only be attempted if she didn't say his name again (or at least until evening time/when wine is being consumed).

I feel sorry for her though because she sounds heart broken and many of us have been there.

Lovemusic33 · 11/05/2019 15:55

Hollow I remember that thread 🤣

CadburysTastesVileNow · 11/05/2019 15:57

Can you suggest turning the conversation onto other topics on the grounds that it will be healthier for her? ie, make it into a positive "We need to distract you, let's talk about / visit / etc etc", rather than "I'm fed up of listening to this".

LittleLongDog · 11/05/2019 15:57

That’s so odd HollowTalk! Whay didn’t they speak?

thenightsky · 11/05/2019 15:59

Hollow was that the one who went off with the hire car, leaving the OP with a pram, a car seat and a pre-schooler to cope with on her own?

woodcutbirds · 11/05/2019 16:01

Tell her he's ruining the holiday for both of you, and that she needs to give herself 30 mins a day to vent then focus on having a fantastic time.

Puzzledandpissedoff · 11/05/2019 16:04

Can I ask how you came to pay for her to go on holiday? That was a very generous thing to do, and while nobody's expecting her to fall at your feet I'd have hoped she'd at least show her appreciation by not carrying on like this

And I can't improve on PPs' advice - try to encourage some fun and if that doesn't work just do your own thing

CarolsBiggestFan · 11/05/2019 16:05

I would tell her “right, we’re going to have a good night tonight... any talk of your ex is BANNED for one night” and make her down a shot every time she mentions him.

TraceyLP · 11/05/2019 16:09

Hi,
I think you should say lightheartedly (but you are serious) that you are on holiday, determined that you will both enjoy yourself, and talk of him is banned. Mean it. When she starts just say "BANNED", her: "yeah but blah blah" you: "BANNED!"

Justbreathing · 11/05/2019 16:10

I agree with carols. Do it in a kind way. She probably doesn’t eve realise she’s doing it, her whole focus is on it. Gently change the subject. That’s what people did to
Me!!

rupple · 11/05/2019 16:14

There was another thread where the OP went away with a work colleague she was friendly with. Not only did she not speak, she started to smell as well. Could be worse OP.

HollowTalk · 11/05/2019 16:18

That's the one I'm thinking of, @rupple!

@thenightsky, no, but I want to read that one now!

Davespecifico · 11/05/2019 16:23

I remember the silent smelly work colleague holiday. The whole thing was bizarre. I wonder what happened next.

HollowTalk · 11/05/2019 16:28

I want to know, too! Sounded like a nightmare.

OP, you need to tell your friend that she shouldn't continue to give her ex head-space. Tell her you are not going to let him or her ruin your holiday.

bigbadbadger · 11/05/2019 16:29

Jesus, which is worse the silent smelly work colleague or the miserable heart broken friend!
You're in Miami. Tell her to shut it. Go to Little Cuba and drink rum. Then dance. Dance with strangers and don't go home till morning.

DeadWife · 11/05/2019 16:35

It's crap when holidays go tits up.

I don't think it helps that you're with whoever It is 24/7 and see all sides of them. Even your partner would normally be out at work for a chunk of the day.

Have you made any tenuous connections with other holiday peeps that you could possibly hang out with a bit?

Or rent a weepy movie, make sure she cries it all out, wring her out like a dish cloth and force her into sth positive like yoga on the beach in the morning.

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