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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Having a shit time on holiday?

58 replies

napalmskies · 11/05/2019 15:26

I’m in fucking Miami and I’m miserable.

Came with a friend (supported her for 9 years listening to her bullshit relationship the entire time) and now they’ve broken up again for good and it’s all she’s talked about the entire holiday and we went out for breakfast and she started crying.

I’m genuinely not a horrible friend as I have supported her for so long but I paid for this holiday too and our conversation is just going around in circles saying the exact same thing.

OP posts:
spongedog · 11/05/2019 16:40

What a shame. Miami is an amazing city - bucket loads to do. Seriously if your friend cant manage to go out then you really should go to places on your own.

madamedeluxe · 11/05/2019 16:48

Arrange to do something where she can’t wallow eg a boat trip round the Everglades.

SuburbanCrofter · 11/05/2019 16:49

OP, I quite often have to travel to cities on my own for work. If I have time to sightsee, I usually start off by booking on to a walking tour - they're a good way to get an idea of the city, meet other travellers and maybe get recommendations. A quick Google found some here: www.timeout.com/miami/things-to-do/best-miami-tours

They are a bit pricey but if you shop around I'm sure you can find something to suit your budget and interests. Book yourself on, ask Miserable Friend if she wants to join, and if she doesn't - too bad.

cafenoirbiscuit · 11/05/2019 16:52

The food tours are amazing. You are on the move or eating the whole time so no time for moping 😊

dontdoxmeeither · 11/05/2019 16:52

I agree with banning the subject, told in a lighthearted way. Definitely put a stop either way or one hell of a waste.

Does anyone remember the thread where an older lady (??) was on holiday, possibly in France/Italy with a gentleman friend who turned fucking awful? Ages ago now but her last post was of her being quietly determined to enjoy the rest of the time on her own and dump his arse.

DarlingCoffee · 11/05/2019 16:56

I agree with the others OP, under the circumstances I would ditch your friend and go and enjoy the rest of your holiday.

BigusBumus · 11/05/2019 17:01

I once went to Greece with a friend who had a massive depressive episode after the second day (there for 2 weeks). I just went out and had fun and left her in bed reading the whole time. TBF she told me to.

You need to be honest with you friend and say this isn't the fun time you had saved and paid for so would she consider having a set hour when she could talk about it, say 5-6pm and then not at all after or before.

Boysey45 · 11/05/2019 17:06

Just tell her, you both there to enjoy yourselves not her getting upset about the ex. Say its not going to help her going over old ground and whats done is done, time to move on etc.
I'd just change the subject and if she persists then tell her you cant be talking about him. If she continues after all that then I'd go out without her.

I had this with a friend but it was all about her job for 2 weeks. Never again.

PurpleFlower1983 · 11/05/2019 17:09

Go find a cool bar, drink and dance!

BrendasUmbrella · 11/05/2019 17:18

Tell her - depending on the length of the holiday - she can have x mutant of time to get all her feelings out and cry, but then make an effort to put it to the side and enjoy the holiday. If she won't, let her cry in the hotel while you make the most of your time.

DeadWife · 11/05/2019 17:19

I wouldn't add loads of alcohol to the friend, she could get all maudlin.

Actionhasmagic · 11/05/2019 17:20

I made friends in my hotel in Miami when my friend went off with a guy. We played cards and drank - I had a blast

MaybeitsMaybelline · 11/05/2019 17:23

Ok, so being in a fabulous destination isn’t going to make her happy. Nothing is going to make her happy, you can’t make her switch of her misery and be chirpy.

You are absolutely right to be pissed off though. I th8n’ the only thing you can do is leave her to her misery. So if that means you making friends with anyone else that is up for a chat or going for a wander down Ocean Drive on your own, or an organised boat trip without her, or an afternoon sunbathing with your headphones on and book then do it.

Tell her in no uncertain terms that you are making the mos5 of this holiday, be it with or without her. And do it.

skybluee · 11/05/2019 17:38

Do an activity where she would be embarrassed to talk about it in front of other people - something like archery or something where you have an activity to take part in (doing) so she is busy. That might help.

Original poster
napalmskies · 11/05/2019 17:57

It’s just the fact I’ve spent years talking about him with her. I’ve lost count of the times she’s argued on the phone with him whilst I’m there in public - it’s embarrassing.

We’ve not spoke for months because I gave up. She was then there for me when I had a break up early this year but now they’ve broke up again I’ve spent hours again talking about it ... and now to come on holiday and be subjected to it AGAIN!!

Honestly it’s the exact same conversation. I feel like a parrot just repeating over and over

OP posts:
HollowTalk · 11/05/2019 19:22

Have you spoken to her? Can't you say that this is meant to be a holiday and you can't stand the thought of spending it thinking about him, so you're going to go on a tour or a walk or for a meal or whatever and if she wants to join you then you would love that, but that if she just wants to talk about him it would be better if you spend the day separately.

I have a friend like this - I had to stop seeing her at all as I thought I was going nuts.

bumblingbovine49 · 11/05/2019 19:30

Say she can talk to you about her relationship over breakfast. When breakfast is over, the topic is banned for 24 hours until the next morning. Then she will be forced to talk about other stuff. It will make her feet better too. Wallowing will be making her miserable as well as you.

O
If she tries to talk about it after breakfast Just say 'We can talk about that when we have breakfast tomorrow. That way she can still talk about it a bit if she needs to but it has boundaries.

TheSheepofWallSt · 11/05/2019 19:31

Oh man it’s the worst when a holiday with a mate goes sour. I’ve had two like this- one where the other woman got a cold (it was just a cold) and took to her bed for 4 days (of 7)- only emerging of an evening when she would critique me smoking and drinking and refusing to acknowledge the friends I’d made while she nursed her cold (old, Italian, definitely dodgy but hugely entertaining- and only stopped by the table to say hello).

The other was in Berlin when a really dear friend on our third night there went absolutely batshit mental because we couldn’t find the entrance to a club, and I asked someone for directions. It turned into the most enormous character assassination, which ended with her saying “oh and now you’re crying. It’s like I’ve kicked the fucking (friendship) group puppy - why are you trying to make me feel bad?”

We’d been best mates for years- and we never recovered our friendship after that.

In both cases I found the best thing to do was to make my own plans. Stay civil, be friendly, eat together if it suited - but do what made ME happy, until it was time to come home (and sit separately on the plane!)

Herefortheduration · 11/05/2019 19:56

No help, but I'm insanely jealous, I lived in Miami for years, so many things to do. Where are you staying? If you can get around, go to Bayside, Coconut Grove, South Beach, out onto Key Biscayne or get down into The Keys.

As far as your friend is concerned, I agree with the others, give her an hour a day to vent and then it's fun time.

Extremebungee, I spent my 21st birthday in Senor Frogs!

Original poster
napalmskies · 12/05/2019 02:03

Well it got worse. We had an argument and then I said I was sick of talking about him and apparently that in her opinion makes me a fake friend.

She then rang her dad and ranted about me in the bathroom and saying she wants to go home and get a flight tomorrow, wouldn’t think she’s 28.

OP posts:
jameswong · 12/05/2019 02:19

Her leaving tomorrow would be ideal. Enjoy the rest of your hols

Sashkin · 12/05/2019 02:36

Arrange to do something where she can’t wallow eg a boat trip round the Everglades

In light of your most recent update OP, take the boat trip and feed her to an alligator. It’s best for everyone.

Happynow001 · 12/05/2019 02:39

@HollowTalk

This is reminding me of another thread where a woman went on holiday with someone who didn't speak to her the whole time - does anyone remember it?
Yes I remember parts of it. Wasn't the non-talking work female pretty much uncommunicative apart from the occasional "fine" to the OP? And the colleague wouldn't shower? And the OP ended up moving rooms or hotel To get any type of holiday herself?

JeezOhGeeWhizz · 12/05/2019 03:24

The worst part of it all is, I bet he's not blubbing about her had probably has already hooked up with some other pair of knickers.
Tell her to grow up and if she won't, just leave her there to mourn that loser and go off and enjoy yourself.

JeezOhGeeWhizz · 12/05/2019 03:29

Tell her to fly home if she wants. She's obviously going to go back to him anyway... What a loser she is.

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