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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To think this is a bit weird?

29 replies

poppymatilda · 11/05/2019 14:40

My DD is 6 mths old. When she was a couple of months old a girl I went to primary school with (Fiona) had a baby. My mum is still in contact with Fiona's mum (they see each other about 2-3 times a year), I haven't seen Fiona for at least 10-15 years. When I had DD Fiona's mum sent me a very small gift via my mum just as a token. She had 3 grand sons at this point and my mum had not sent a gift when they were born so felt a bit bad.

When the new baby girl was born my mum asked me whether I could dig out some of DDs clothes she'd grown out of for her to give to Fiona. Their family are really into recycling/reusing etc so I thought it made sense. I was surprised that Fiona sent a card to mum thanking her for the clothes and not me but wasn't bothered and forgot all about it.

Now my mum another friend who I have no connection to at all. She's an older lady with grown up grand children and I've met her once or twice when visiting my mum. She also sent a gift when my DD was born (which I was really surprised about tbh as I don't really know her and DH has never even met her). Anyway one of her grandchildren had a baby a few weeks ago. My mum asked me to find some more of DDs clothes for this grandchild woman so she doesn't have to buy a present. She even picked out the items from DDs wardrobe that she particularly and asked for them. I made up an excuse when she first asked me but she visited this week and asked me again and when I said she should just buy a small jellycat or something rather than fobbing off DDs old clothes she said she didn't want to spend the money because what if any of this woman's other grandchildren had babies?

It's not a big deal but is it just me that thinks it's weird that my mum wants to give my DDs second hand clothes to some woman neither of us have ever met and pass them off as a new baby present from her? It's not even like my mum's skint, she could easily afford to spend a tenner on a baby gift.

OP posts:
nicenewdusters · 11/05/2019 14:44

Yes, very weird. I'd tell your mum that you want to pass on any of your dc's clothes to people that you actually know.

OnlyRealButterWillDo · 11/05/2019 14:46

Tell your mum you've already promised certain/all the outfits to a friend. Or you're selling them on eBay. If she wants to get someone a gift, it's probably best she picks something from a shop.

Owwlie · 11/05/2019 14:47

Yeah it's quite weird, especially requesting certain items. They aren't your moms things to give away. Just tell her that you don't want to give away anymore of your DDs things yet.

Rachelle11 · 11/05/2019 14:47

She passes them off as new?? That is really weird.

poppymatilda · 11/05/2019 14:48

It just feels like she's decided from now on that anytime anyone she knows has a baby or grand child or great grandchild she can just come a paw through DDs things and pick out the stuff she wants to give as a present from her! Some of the clothes she wanted to take we're things I'd bought DD and was quite attached to and she hadn't even grown out of them yet!

OP posts:
AnnieMay100 · 11/05/2019 14:50

Very weird and cheeky to take them from you to save herself money. Next time say you want to keep the rest of her clothes for next baby/friends baby/charity, bag them up and hide them.

poppymatilda · 11/05/2019 15:20

She got huffy when I said I wanted to keep them for various of my friends who are pregnant at the moment rather than give them to people I don't know. She said 'well I don't know your friends so how is it different?!'

OP posts:
nicenewdusters · 11/05/2019 15:32

er..... your baby......your clothes......your friends?

Maybe you need to lock the wardrobe door ! Grin

Troels · 11/05/2019 15:32

She said 'well I don't know your friends so how is it different?!'

You aren't asking her to provide for your friends thats how iit's different. You Mum is being a nut. Tell her to buy her own presents and stop begging stuff off you.

HollowTalk · 11/05/2019 15:41

She's giving secondhand clothes and pretending they are new? She won't be fooling anyone.

bringbacksideburns · 11/05/2019 15:48

Is she normally such a tight arse?

Tell her to get her hand in her pocket for her own friends.

poppymatilda · 11/05/2019 15:49

I'm not 100% sure about the passing them off as new thing. But Fiona wrote her a card thanking her for the baby clothes. If she knew they were from DD wouldn't she thank me? I'm on her Facebook so she could've dropped me a message anytime. I also found out later mum wrapped them up with a card. I just think it's a bit odd!

OP posts:
poppymatilda · 11/05/2019 15:51

Thought views might be 50-50 on this but clearly I'm not weird for thinking it's weird!
Parents are odd. I dread to think what DD will tell people about me when she older! 😂

OP posts:
Mayalready · 11/05/2019 15:53

Tell dm you intend to sell them on when suits you...
She can buy her own gifts - cf!!

Laiste · 11/05/2019 15:56

Best to nip this in the bud and say you've promised most of your DDs stuff to a friend from now on. And just repeat as necessary. Ignore huffs or arguments. If she gets shirty get shirty back.

It's weird but she can only carry on doing it if you let her.

MockingJay27 · 11/05/2019 15:59

Your mum is extremely tight

MitziTheTabbyIsMyOverlord · 11/05/2019 16:00

Ha ha ha. Your mum's nuts!

You should def make a comment to Fiona on FB along the lines of how lovely it is to see your DDs clothes being enjoyed by another child.

usernamerisnotavailable · 11/05/2019 16:03

But surely you can just say you're saving all DDs baby clothes for your next baby? As most people do?

diddl · 11/05/2019 16:03

It would have been nice if Fiona had thanked you both.

I don't think it's that weird if your mum asked if you had anything that you didn't want & could she pass it on?

Pretending old is new-that's weird!

ItalianEarthernware · 11/05/2019 16:05

What? So what if she gets huffy, she can go be tight off her own back. 'No. I chose whom I pass on my baby's clothes to.'

Dippypippy1980 · 11/05/2019 16:09

If she is wrapping them then that is totally weird.

My mum has started to pick up funny little quirks - and she is always totally sure she is right and everyone else is being ridiculous.

Have a chat - explain it is odd to give hand me downs as new baby presents. Could you even nip out and buy a little gift for this baby? To show Ointment what is generally expected?

Beeziekn33ze · 11/05/2019 16:11

OP Your 15:20:35 post had me spluttering my tea! How can your mum possibly think it’s not different?!
MIBVVVU

IHaveNoIdeaReally · 11/05/2019 16:12

Tell your Mum to stop shopping in your daughter's wardrobe and creak open her own wallet for a present.

BumbleBeee69 · 11/05/2019 16:17

Stop this now OP Flowers

poppymatilda · 11/05/2019 16:30

My mum has started to pick up funny little quirks - and she is always totally sure she is right and everyone else is being ridiculous.

This is my mum down to a tee! 😃

OP posts: