Do you assume men will open the door/"give way"?

[Saavhi]

When I reach a door at the same time as someone else of course it's courteous to gesture that they go ahead- male or female. This happens all the time but sometimes I feel that some men find this gesture offensive /embarrassing.

E.g yesterday a senior colleague and I arrived at the top of the escalators at the same time, I said something along the lines of go ahead but he said "don't be so silly" in quite a curt/patronising one. I would feel incredibly rude just to automatically assume I have "right of way". I know this a very minor issue but I've become increasingly paranoid that I'm somehow doing something wrong. I just started a grad scheme in September so don't want to leave a bad impression when I encounter new colleagues.

I'm in my 20s so whilst I appreciate chivalry I don't see myself as a dainty woman that needs assistance etc

I know I'm overthinking this one!

I expect people to be polite, hold the door, give way when it’s logical. Regardless of how they choose to identify. Don’t overthink, and stay civil!

Wow very poorly written post- apologies.

I don't assume they will but if they do I just say 'thank you' and carry on. It costs nothing to be polite and I very much doubt the intention was to belittle you.

I don't assume,but I do appreciate a gentlemanly gesture for sure.and hate that some women would get offended at the poor fella

I actually think it’s astonishing how many men assume women will get out of their way. Walking down the street towards a man, I find that 9/10 of them don’t break stride and just wait for me to move aside. Sometimes when I’m in the mood for it I just hold my ground and it’s amazing how often that means they just walk into me then look aggrieved.

Your senior colleague might have thought you were deferring to his seniority, hence being slightly embarrassed.

I think you are completely over thinking this.

If I'm pushing my babies pram, and someone pushes past and doesn't help hold the door open, I think that is rude. If they do I think it's a very simple kind gesture, which is very much appreciated. I automatically presume they have been brought up to have manners and respect.

My DH's grandfather is on crutches, but still insists (even though it's a struggle) to open all doors for me. That's his generation.
This has rubbed off onto my DH and now my son.
Even though he is 3 he will try and help open doors for mummy and my sister.

I don't understand why some women would be offended by something like this.
If women get offended by something so trivial as this, then they obviously don't have real issues or problems in their life.

My DH was raised solely by his mother (doesn't have a relationship with his father) he has been brought up to treat women like queens.

And I will make sure both my sons are raised to treat all women with respect.

Small gestures go along way in our lives.

I would presume that whoever is nearest the door holds it open, it’s just manners.
Gentlemanly saying annoys me!

There was a whole thread about patriarchy chicken recently. It was quite funny, and it’s worth testing.

I assume they will because they normally do, but I don’t act as though I assume it, I hesitate first.

Men do the same at my work and I appreciate it, it’s a nice gesture and I always acknowledge it.

I would presume that whoever is nearest the door holds it open, it’s just manners.
This ^^.
I actually think it’s astonishing how many men assume women will get out of their way. Walking down the street towards a man, I find that 9/10 of them don’t break stride and just wait for me to move aside.
It's not just men! Women do it too, particularly if they have buggies, and rather a lot of children. It's just a general lack of manners these days.

My DH's grandfather is on crutches, but still insists (even though it's a struggle) to open all doors for me.

This sort of thing annoys me. It's polite for the person that can most easily hold the door open to do so for the other. I'm perfectly capable of opening my own door (!), and it's certainly easier for me to do it than someone on crutches!

I've started to hold the door open for men before (because it opened towards me, so was easier), and they've lent through and insisted on holding it for me so I've had to squeeze through the half-space they've left. How is that easier for anyone?!

when im about to go in a shop i follow the idea that whoever is nearest the door handle opens the door sometimes that me sometimes its the other person male or female

isseywithcats - What if you arrive from opposite directions at the same time?

The whomever the door opens towards should open and hold it.

if the other person tries to, they end up leaning through the door frame (as per my scenario in my earlier post). It gets really awkward.

So, I'll keep on doing what I'm doing

It just feels awkward faking hesitancy knowing that 99.9% of the time I will be let through.

My DH's grandfather is on crutches, but still insists (even though it's a struggle) to open all doors for me.

This sort of thing annoys me. It's polite for the person that can most easily hold the door open to do so for the other. I'm perfectly capable of opening my own door (!), and it's certainly easier for me to do it than someone on crutches!

@LannieDuck I have one leg. So even though I can open a door, it's very much a struggle for me as well!
He classes himself as more able bodied than me (which he is) so he insists on holding the door open.

Why would that annoy you? Don't make assumptions about people.

If a man who is bigger than me gets in my way I think "Big rude bastard"

I just do. But I'll hold the door for them if I'm first...always. Some men won't go in first though...but will insist that I do.

So I do...and I'm not offended either.

If I get to a door first, I open in and hold it open for anyone behind me.

If they get there first I wait.

I really do get irritated at forced chivalry though.

@LannieDuck I have one leg. So even though I can open a door, it's very much a struggle for me as well! He classes himself as more able bodied than me (which he is) so he insists on holding the door open.

That does make a big difference. Whoever it's easiest for should hold the door. Nothing to do with gender.

I hold the door for whoever, but I have found that most men for whom I do it often insist I go first.

I don’t assume anyone will hold the door for me.

It’s polite to open the door if you’re there first and able to. Sex shouldn’t come into it.

I never assume or expect that. There are some awkward moments with colleagues when I've held the door for them.

I get that for some men, this is them being polite but it feels a bit unnecessary. So I appreciate the politeness but wish it wasn't linked to gender (and age, in my experience).

HBStowe - I do that too. Deliberately don’t move aside when walking down the pavement. The amount of men who just walk straight in to me was shocking. Some have the grace to apologise, most don’t!

I also ‘stand my ground’ on the bus and tube, my space is mine, bugger off with your pointy elbows and knees!