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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To be annoyed about my partners drunkenness and subsequent behaviour?

39 replies

WhatKatyDidNxt · 11/05/2019 08:03

Last night my partner went out with his friends, clearly drank to excess as he appeared rather drunk when he came home in the early hours. Struggling to unlock the front door, banging around being loud etc. Fair enough, little bit annoying and then we all went to sleep. A few hours later lm woken to the sound of him urinating outside our bedroom door. I flick the light on, tell him to stop and go to the bathroom which he does. I then ask him to clean it up. He refuses, is still rather drunk and rolls back into bed. I have now asked him again to clean it up. He again refused, l asked for a 3rd time, he got angry saying he’s tired and it doesn’t need doing. I pointed out the smell of wee will stick and l don’t want to smell it. He will do it when he feels like it 🙄 apparently. Oh and l shouldn’t be annoyed and aggressively he told me l need to “shut up”. Fine, he can pay and organise for new laminate to be laid

What makes it worse is we are trying to conceive, have been for a while and aren’t getting anywhere. We agreed to only drink lightly between now and the end of the year -lm 40 in the new year so our odds will probably be fairly poor by then. I now feel like a right idiot as l have been eating well, drinking lightly / occasionally, having acupuncture, taking supplements etc. Whereas he goes and gets absolutely annihilated and then speaks to me like that! I’m also wondering if he took drugs as well, as he was acting quite oddly and chewing the inside of his mouth

We were meant to be going to the theatre today, lm probably going to see if one of my friends can come with me instead

OP posts:
WhatKatyDidNxt · 11/05/2019 08:04

Apologies for typos and spelling mistakes. I’ve barely had any sleep

OP posts:
ZippyBungleandGeorge · 11/05/2019 08:10

He pissed on the floor, refused to clean it up and you're trying to have a baby with this man?? WTF

WhatKatyDidNxt · 11/05/2019 08:12

He’s never done that before. To be honest after all this lm not sure if l want to speak to him again, never mind have sex with him / conceive a child!

OP posts:
Lepetitpiggy · 11/05/2019 08:13

Is this a regular thing?

CrotchetyQuaver · 11/05/2019 08:13

Definitely NBU, that is foul.

MediocrePenguin · 11/05/2019 08:14

Um yeh well I'd be livid. Although if he was pissed enough to do that then i doubt he'd have been able to clean it up properly either.

I'm not sure I'd be thinking of having a baby with him anymore either

Passthecherrycoke · 11/05/2019 08:14

I don’t think you’re going to get much sense out of him until he’s sobered up and recovered.

You say you didn’t know he was going to drink and it’s frustrating as you have pretty much given up- I do understand your frustration- but is today a one off? TTc is very stressful, and stress can lead to over drinking.

Needless to say he needs to clean up his wee when he’s in a fit state. Hope you enjoy the theatre with your friend Flowers

2cats2many · 11/05/2019 08:14

I'd need a grovelling apology before I could get past that.

WhatKatyDidNxt · 11/05/2019 08:15

He’s not peed on the fooor before that lm aware of. I knew some men are serial offenders with that 🤮

OP posts:
Loopytiles · 11/05/2019 08:15

Urgh.

How frequently does he binge drink?

foreverhanging · 11/05/2019 08:15

Gross gross gross. I would honestly be reconsidering conceiving :(

WhatKatyDidNxt · 11/05/2019 08:16

@Passthecherrycoke surely he’s sobered up now?! I love / loved a drink but lm always sober by this time

OP posts:
Weenurse · 11/05/2019 08:16

Friend has done this when really drunk and slept walked.
Did not remember in the morning.
Maybe a combination of too much alcohol and drugs

RJnomore1 · 11/05/2019 08:18

If he’s not been drinking for a while as you TTC it’s possible his tolerance has lowered without him knowing.

That’s not an excuse. I’d be totally peed off too but the decider for me would be how he acts this morning.

No point trying to get sense put him while he’s drunk.

Isth · 11/05/2019 08:19

Not exactly optimistic that he’ll be a great dad to be honest OP 🤔 I mean, everyone gets drunk sometimes, sure, but pissing on the floor is disgusting, and getting that drunk when he should be committed to being healthier in order to ttc is really crap and does, to me anyway, show a wider lack of consideration and respect to you then the drunken ‘shut up’.
He’d have a lot of apologising to do, and prove he’s taking it seriously from here on out.

Sausagerollers · 11/05/2019 08:23

This is the universe's way of telling you that this man is a dickhead & you should not procreate with him.

Imagine if he did this when you had a small baby and youd been up half the night feeding & changing nappies etc.

He's not ready to be a father if he's still expecting you to clean up his piss.

spacepoodle · 11/05/2019 08:23

I've seen so many MN threads about drunk men pissing on the floor - WTF?! If he were 18 I could just about understand but it sounds as though he's in his late 30s/40s. Is it really that difficult to make it to the toilet?

If I were you I would give up trying to conceive with him. Given the way he spoke and his refusal to clean up the mess I would also be reevaluating the entire relationship.

sarahqueenofp · 11/05/2019 08:24

my ex used to get drunk and piss on the floor. It was hilarious. But he would be mortified and clean it up and was like 20.
If this is a one off I wouldn’t be too concerned but he needs to wake up apologetic.

WhatKatyDidNxt · 11/05/2019 08:27

I am genuinely confused if he’s still drunk though. Even after long and boozy nights by 8am then l would be fairly sober. The peeing thing isn’t great. To be honest if it have just been that, then l would have seen the funny side and teased him about it for quite some time. It’s the going against a joint agreement which has a lot riding on it (its hardly as if we had agreed no drinks, the plan was only ever a couple) refusing / saying it doesn’t need cleaning up and the way he spoke to me. I know it could be argued l could clean it up but I didn’t make the mess and lm not his slave!

OP posts:
blackcat86 · 11/05/2019 08:27

Just remember that his attitude towards you which was already piss poor (literally) will likely get worse if you get pregnant and then have a newborn. Imagine dealing with last night whilst getting up to feed and change a baby. Asking for help and being told to shut up. I would be reconsidering this relationship.

LuluBellaBlue · 11/05/2019 08:29

OP re the chewing the inside of his mouth..... it’s a very common thing to do after taking drugs and I have never seen anyone do this from alcohol alone. It’s a sure giveaway sign in my books of drug use.

WhatKatyDidNxt · 11/05/2019 08:32

LuluBellaBlue Yeah l work in healthcare and this is my experience...,

As an aside l am liking the puns!

OP posts:
Bluntness100 · 11/05/2019 08:33

I knew some men are serial offenders with that

What men? It's one thing to piss on the floor drunk, it's whole other ball game to refuse to clean it up the next morning. That's the killer sin in this scenario. Most people would be embarrassed. Not leave it.

How long have you been with this man?

WhatKatyDidNxt · 11/05/2019 08:35

A friend of a friend at university had form for doing it

5 years

OP posts:
LuluBellaBlue · 11/05/2019 08:37

Drug taking would also explain the altered behaviour, so normally just drink he might be embarrassed, clean it up etc.
However if also on drugs can bring out a different personality that you’ve not seen before.