I want another baby 🙈 but husband doesn’t

[mummy2424]

Hi, I have been with my husband for almost 12 years, we have 3 children...just sold our beautiful house in the country (Scotland) and renting a house and just bought a new plot to build again...but anyway we have a boy12, daughter 11 and another boy 9..husband had a vasectomy in 2010 once last son was born but just recently I’ve been so broody and would love another baby.. how do I even consider asking him 😩

OP even DH agrees to vasectomy reversal and even if it is successful you might not get pregnant. You could possibly be opening the door to a lot more anguish. Probably best to leave it locked and enjoy the children you have now.

I have a newborn and a 15 year old and it’s fine so far a challenging age gap with a lot of conflicting things but not horrendous . I’m more concerned the OP is just feeling broody in general and why that is . I guess if her husband is 100 percent on board then what’s to stop them .

One other child is quite different to 3.

I guess if her husband is 100 percent on board then what’s to stop them

1. paying for a vasectomy reversal
2. finding a surgeon who will agree to reverse a decade-old vasectomy - private surgeons don't like taking on cases with a miniscule chance of success, it's bad for their stats
3. actually having the surgery be successful.

Well exactly Sohotadragon as long as they go in with the understanding that the chance is unlikely it’s them that will find it and out themselves through the emotional anguish . I wouldn’t put myself through it I have to say .

All you can do is ask him how he would feel about it, but I think it’s worth you considering the environmental toll of a fourth (big thread on this yesterday hashing out the arguments on both sides) and the toll on your existing kids. The older ones especially are about to enter teenage hood when they will need lots of support and present whole new challenges - would it be fair to compromise that by bringing a new baby into the mix, who will need so much attention?

You will also need to be prepared for hour husband to not feel happy about this. A vasectomy is quite a decisive act - you obviously felt at that time that your family was done. He will likely not react well to you wanting to reopen that door.

Tbh OP, I wouldn’t bother with this thread anymore, and read the one about how ridiculous and insensitive it is to say to someone who wants a child to “get a dog”.
Talk to your DH. See what he thinks/feels. He knows you better than random strangers on a forum.

PurpleDaisies

NHS won’t find a vasectomy reversal for a fourth baby.”

Good.

Who cares about the family dynamics or if she’ll manage or not (im sure you would OP) but the fact of the matter is she’s had 3 children (some might say blessed) and her husband has had a vasectomy so a 4th is out of the question unless reversals etc etc - absolutely bonkers!!! Get on with it. Grandkids won’t be that far off. Get a puppy

Be careful what you wish for! You've still the challenge of getting your 3 children to the fully functioning adult stage!
Sounds like you just prefer the helplessness of babies, feel more in control perhaps? But your existing children need all the help they can get through the adolescent years from their parents.
Sounds like your marriage isn't sufficiently open if you can't talk to him about such a big decision...did he discuss the vasectomy with you, I wonder. You mention 'asking him' which suggests something about the balance in the relationship...Maybe after 3 children in pretty quick succession someone had to take charge as it were, and look over the top of the nest to their futures? You are going to 'build again' but it sounds like you aren't totally keen having left your 'beautiful house in the country...' so maybe the baby idea is less about another real, live human life and more about how you feel about moving... and your other half? As someone said, get a pet instead if you can't face talking to him. Good luck!

Did Grand Designs tell you that they'd only accept you for the programme if you got pregnant halfway through?

Joking aside, the decision has already been made unless you find yourself another chap. I'm sure most of us have gone through periods of being really broody, it doesn't mean you have to act on them - I was irrationally broody at 22/23, that would have been a disaster.

Broodiness is a hard feeling to beat, very overpowering but like most feelings, it passes. Accept it rather than fight it, but tell yourself that feeling the way you do doesn't give you the green light to acting on it. Talk to your OH about your feelings but not about plans. It will go and one day you'll wake up and think 'thank god' I didn't go with it, I now have my freedom back and its great.

I wouldn't suggest getting a puppy, but is there something you could focus on to achieve? A new job, a sporting competition, a holiday to aspire to, anything to get your obsessive thinking into?

Wow, some truly horrible comments on here.
OP, you can’t help how you feel. Broodiness is an innate feeling. We were designed to want to pro create. No one should belittle you for your feelings. You obviously need to have a conversation with your husband and see if you’re on the same page, or reading from two entirely different books. I’m not a medical professional, but from what I’ve heard a vasectomy reversal after so long would have a very limited chance of success. Do you think fostering/adoption would be something you’d be interested in?

I'm really curious how you dealt with this. I'm in the same situation, however my youngest is 4. My husband did agree a few months back but has now changed his mind

OP has fucked off? Probably hoping for replies like ‘aww you get yor bubbza hun x hubbiey will luv the bubby once it’s here x bubbas!!,!! x’

Oh for fucks sake. ZOMBIE THREAD.
Start your own thread instead of wasting everyone’s time, ffs.

If it helps, OP either ‘dealt with it’ by spaffing out yet another kid, or, chose to focus on the people she’d already produced. HTH

You will have a toddler at the same time as a teenager. Can you imagine?!
Your DH doesn't want a baby, you've already got 3 DC so that's kind of the end of it really. He isn't going to reverse a vasectomy to have a baby he doesn't want.

Zombie