I want another baby 🙈 but husband doesn’t

[mummy2424]

Hi, I have been with my husband for almost 12 years, we have 3 children...just sold our beautiful house in the country (Scotland) and renting a house and just bought a new plot to build again...but anyway we have a boy12, daughter 11 and another boy 9..husband had a vasectomy in 2010 once last son was born but just recently I’ve been so broody and would love another baby.. how do I even consider asking him 😩

He doesn’t, respect that and move on

Your OP is wrong. It's not that he 'doesn't' want another baby, it's that he CAN'T.

I would get a pet or adopt!

Symaphy seems to stop as soon as a woman feels broody and she already has children on mn. It sounds to me like your children have started secondary school or are coming up for their final years at primary.

There is nothing wrong with telling your husband how you feel. But the choice will always be in his hands and that may end up causing issues.

Ive been there. Wanted a third and dh didnt. Luckily we had a smaller age gap and no vasectomy.

Had someone said to me whilst feeling broody to adopt a pet id have laughed at the random connection!

you have 3. why do you need a forth?

he had a vasectomy, he doesn't want more. it takes two to try for a baby but one to veto another attempt.

if you really want more, then you need to decide what is more important. a 4th DC with someone else or your marriage. you cannot have both.

just be grateful for what you have!!!

A better question is "how do I cope with my broodiness bearing in mind my husband has had the snip"

Your youngest is 9 and you're about to build a house, and you want another baby???? You're bonkers!

A lot of posters here are pretty harsh. Op you are allowed to want. It doesnt seem out of the question since you havent asked yet

I would just ask him whether he would consider it. If he says absolutely no then you do have to respect that but there is no harm in asking. He might think about it.
Good luck 🍀

Just have a conversation with him, see what he thinks. Nobody here can tell you what he'll think, nor if it would even be possible.

Reversals aren't very successful not fair to ask him for something he CAN't give you presume vasectomy was a joint deccision

I am getting this from my DH at the mo, really broody around babies and wanting another etc...we already have two around same ages as OP, and no way!

Bear in mind that the longer it is since the vasectomy, the less likely a successful reversal will be. So prepare yourself that even in the event your husband was up for it a surgeon might tell you it's a lost cause. And then your only option is sperm extraction which is a right old process with extremely slim chance of success. Being broody is very hard. I've struggled with it and I'm actually relieved to have reached the age I am now as I have to accept it would be madness to even try now!

If it is true that the NHS funds vasectomy reversals I am disgusted at the ridiculous waste of scarece funds.

There's another thread, which Admittedly as got somewhat hysterical, from a woman who's dh wants to go from 4 to 5 kids. A lot of people have rightly pointed out the environmental impact of adding more children to the planet, when you've already got a large family.

The same applies here, you've already got three which is already more than just reproducing yourselves. Whilst you might have a powerful urge to have another, please think of the rational, sensible reasons to not go there. Whilst it might be what your heart desires, make yourself feel better by thinking that at least you've done the right thing for the planet by not having more.

Rightly, your dh will not agree to it, going through a vasectomy is a very strong indication that he's done. I suspect the majority of men that go through a reversal is because they've met someone new and want to start a new family with them, rather than giving in to their broody wife's wishes.

seriously get a pet. a cat or a dog or something.

Get a puppy

Who’s choice was the vasectomy? Because if it was yours, you’re being very unfair on asking your husband to have a vasectomy then have a reversal.
If it was his idea, I think that’s his way of saying his family is already perfect.
As his vasectomy was almost a decade ago it’s almost impossible that a reversal would work anyway. (Sorry)
I don’t understand whyyoud want to go back to the baby years but I do understand how broodyness feels.
Could you look into fostering or childminding to help fill that feeling? Or maybe as suggested by pp, get a puppy?
I know you’re not asking for advice on how to fill that gap, but I just find the idea of wanting to start again with babies when your eldest would be in his teenage years really difficult it wrap my head around.
If it’s any consolation, you’re coming up to the time (less than ten years).when you and dh can become a couple again. All that’s out on hold again if you have another baby now. How old will you be in 20 years? Because that’s your next opportunity to become a couple and enjoy weekends away, holidays for adults, dinner in nice restaurants etc.

You have to decide what’s more important - another child or the relationship. I’ve been there and picked the relationship. I figured it’s better to not have a further child than to force someone to have one.

Ignore the harsh replies. You’re building a house, so probably well-off. It’s not like you’re expecting the tax payer to fund your lifestyle.

I think that ship has sailed I think it’s unreasonable to ask your husband to go through surgery to try see if you might have small chance of getting pregnant . You can certainly ask him though but I highly doubt he would be into the idea and you would have to accept that .

I would normally say each to their own but I have to agree with pp. You haven't reached the teenage years with your others yet this can be a challenge and very stressful. Just because you are broody doesn't mean you should go ahead and have a baby.I would honestly concentrate on the 3 you are fortunate to have!!

Is this really about wanting another baby or just about you now that your children are growing up?

You could be going through the teenage years at the same time as the toddler years....

Yes...can you imagine trying to help the older children through GCSEs, periods, etc etc while dealing with a young baby. Do you not think maybe the children you already need that time?

The chances of a vasectomy that's nearly a decade ago being successfully reversed is negligible.

It's very unhelpful for people to keep telling OP that she'll struggle with teenage years. None of you can know that. What she does need is her husband's support to cope with the emotions in accepting that she won't have another child, or to look into the unlikely possibility. "Don't ask him" is very bloody weird advice either way. He's her husband, not a random guy on the train, he should listen and help her either way.

I don't think it's unhelpful talking about the realities of the teenage years, it's a reality check. The decision for a vasectomy was made thats that. Thing is op could mope about fretting over her broodiness for another child this can have an effect on existing children.