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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To be told I need to get fit by DP, I'm size 8-10

60 replies

runningrunningjustto · 10/05/2019 21:52

That really. Plus I have a six month old baby (2nd child). I'm in good shape, slim and can fit nicely into my pre baby clothes. I pretty much lost it when DP said this and DP said I took it the wrong way. What other way am I meant to take it ? The conversation was going quite normally until that point. The chat (over FaceTime) was shut down by me saying how rude and insensitive DP is. How would you react ?

OP posts:

kidsmakesomuchwashing · 10/05/2019 22:11

Did he mean "get fit" or "lose weight"?
Getting fit is really good for anyone and everyone.

Original poster

runningrunningjustto · 10/05/2019 22:12

I'm strong, can lift heavy suitcases up stairs, I march around with out loosing breath, clock up around 9km a day (over 10,000 steps). DP said getting fit would be good. Yes, I did ask DP why are you commenting about me and I said DP should think about this for himself before saying this to me. DP just responded by saying yes he knows he need to get fit and laughed, as though it was a light hearted comment. But it wasn't, I was very upset !

OP posts:

SirVixofVixHall · 10/05/2019 22:13

Does he look like Aidan Turner scything a field ? I doubt it somehow...
is this your DH op? images.app.goo.gl/7sbMjkMVhsVCiAQ7A

Ohyesiam · 10/05/2019 22:13

He said you would feel better if you toned up? I’d like to see the scientific evidence for that claim.

I’m really angry on your behalf op.

RoseAndRose · 10/05/2019 22:16

Walking (even briskly) counts as gentle or moderate exercise and occasionally carrying a suitcase wouldn't really count much either.

It does sound as if you wouid both benefit from more exercise. Is there anything (not the obvious!) that you could do together?

slipperywhensparticus · 10/05/2019 22:21

It sounds like you have got your hands full and he is being a bit thick really I mean when are you supposed to fit it in?

AuntieStella · 10/05/2019 22:24

Presumably you empty your hands by dumping it all on him and going out for a run

(He wants you to improve fitness level, right?)

HollowTalk · 10/05/2019 22:25

@RoseAndRose, do you really think the OP isn't doing enough exercise?

AFistfulofDolores1 · 10/05/2019 22:27

Is DP talking about himself? I bet he is!

DuffBeer · 10/05/2019 22:28

This sounds like the kind of idiotic thing my husband would say, without thinking.

You're obviously in no way overweight given your size. I would just tell him to mind his own bloody business and if he has opinions on being toned, to perhaps start with his own (non Adonis like) body before passing comment on yours

katseyes7 · 10/05/2019 22:30

Tell him he needs plastic surgery and a penis enlargement. The cheek of it!

RoseAndRose · 10/05/2019 22:32

Yes. Sorry, I thought I'd said that quite clearly.

She is active, which is obviously better than being sedentary, and walking is good.

But I expect there is considerable scope to increase fitness. If she were capable of running, or of doing a moderate aerobic class, or a session of weights (using many muscle groups, not just a short carry) then I wouid have expected her to say so.

Original poster

runningrunningjustto · 10/05/2019 22:33

Of course I stood up for myself. The comment came out of the blue and I said he needs to redirect his comments to himself. I work hard to keep the household running, etc and I do not welcome these comments. They're rude and does not bring any good

OP posts:

WhiskyTangoFoxtrot · 10/05/2019 22:34

"to perhaps start with his own (non Adonis like) body before passing comment on yours"

Better yet, do it together?

TheMobileSiteMadeMeSignup · 10/05/2019 22:36

What prompted him to say that? I presume there wasn't a lull in conversation and he declared that you need to get fit. From the sounds of it he was in no way discussing your weight, just general fitness level. For the record, I'm also slim and thought I was in pretty good shape until DD started wanting me to run around with her. My aerobic fitness suuuuucked! I hit the gym and can now actually run without dying after 30 seconds.

But it has to be something you want to do for yourself so if you are happy with how you are then that's the end of it.

likeafishneedsabike · 10/05/2019 22:36

Actually I nag at DH a bit to go the gym. It’s not a judgemental thing: I just know that he feels happier when a bit fitter so encourage him. And provide the childcare!
So just wondering if your DP is thinking of your wellbeing rather than criticising your figure?

FascinatingCarrot · 10/05/2019 22:41

Better yet, do it together?
Yes! So he can comment on which bit he wants you to work on as you spend this quality time together.
Win win. Marvelous.

Yabbers · 10/05/2019 22:45

Did he perhaps mean that exercising might make you feel better, if you were talking about being down or tired?

Clutching at straw here because the alternative is he is a nasty piece of work and the only weight you need to shift is his dead weight.

Belenus · 10/05/2019 22:46

He meant fit as in to tone up, he said this and DP said if I did, I would feel better about things.

I don't think this is really about 1 comment. It could just be a bit of a daft thing to say but it sounds like he meant for health reasons, not because of your weight. Yes it's inconsiderate because you don't have time to exercise as well as do everything else but I don't think it was meant as a criticism, more as a comment. Just explain to him that it's really hurt you and have a think about the reasons why it hurts so much.

BettyBooJustDoinTheDoo · 10/05/2019 22:48

Me and my DH must be weird, if he’s put on a few pounds or I think his fitness is dropping I just tell him he needs to reign his diet in a bit and get some extra bike rides in (in a nice way of course) , and he would tell me as well, it’s because we want the best for each other, so long as it’s been said for the right reasons and in a nice way I don’t see the problem.

Yabbers · 10/05/2019 22:51

I’d love to hear his take on this. (oh I’m sure you’ll tell us he’s simply delighted with it) Surely his weight and activity is his own business, presuming you married an adult.

HaudYerWheeshtYaWeeBellend · 10/05/2019 22:56

How did the conversation start? As it’s that someone would say someone like this out of the blue

Amanduh · 10/05/2019 22:56

It doesn’t matter if he meant ‘oh you should get fit because exercise is good for everyone and maybe you need to improve your fitness’ fuck off. You dont say it to anyone unless they are moaning about being unfit, especially not a knackered mum of a 6 month old who has a lot going on! You don’t just tell someone that out of the blue. It’s rude.
He was a massive arsehole op

BettyBooJustDoinTheDoo · 10/05/2019 23:01

Health and fitness is top priority in our house, it’s very important to us both so yes of course he would have no issue, his health and fitness is my business as is mine to him, we both want a long and healthy life as possible together and both work hard to hopefully make this happen.

frenchknitting · 10/05/2019 23:07

If my DH said that to me I would be fine with it, because it's true. Prior to having kids I ran a marathon, exercised a lot, and it was a big part of how I saw myself. My youngest is 2 now, and I struggle to fit exercise in, but I feel good when I do. So if he made that comment I'd be grateful and take it as a green light to go for a run or a swim at the weekend.

Since you are annoyed, I assume that doesn't apply to you. So YWNBU to tell him to fuck off.

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