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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

12 year old sipping alcohol!

63 replies

TillyTots1234 · 10/05/2019 21:12

Hi,
My husband on regular occasions allows our 12 year old (almost 13) son to sip his alcohol (beer), he told me tonight that he allowed him to have some of his beer, when he took him on holiday on a skiing trip. I said I thought it was irresponsible and he should discuss it with me first. Am I being unreasonable? My own father drank heavily when I was a child and I don’t drink atall , my husband drinks beer most days. I told him he was being irresponsible because in my opinion it’s far too young to even sip alcohol. He seems to think exposing him to alcohol at an earlier age will give him a healthy attitude towards alcohol but I’m not in agreement with him. What are your thoughts?

OP posts:

pallisers · 10/05/2019 21:15

He seems to think exposing him to alcohol at an earlier age will give him a healthy attitude towards alcohol

all the studies show the exact opposite.

A sip very occasionally wouldn't bother me. Doesn't sound like that is what is happening here.

Drogosnextwife · 10/05/2019 21:16

I don't think it matters at all if you expose children too it young, it just depends on the person and how they feel about alcohol when they are older. I don't see a problem with him having a few sips though.

My mum let me try it when I was younger, I was a bit of a piss head by about 18, now I hardly touch the stuff. DP's parents were both alcoholics, he never touched alcohol until he was 18 and still isn't fussed by it now.

Unicornshopkeeper · 10/05/2019 21:17

A sip wouldn't bother me depending on how regularly you mean

Original poster

TillyTots1234 · 10/05/2019 21:25

He lets him have a few sips a few times a week but he said on the skiing holiday he had half of his beer, by that he didn’t mean half a pint but allowed him to drink more than a sip and said he will again on the next holiday, he also said he doesn’t feel he needs my approval, even though he knows I don’t want him to even be exposed to it. I’ve read all the studies about exposing children to alcohol at young ages and all say the opposite, as some of you have mentioned. I have a bigger gripe about it because my father was a big drinker himself and I saw him drunk a lot as a child.

OP posts:

AwdBovril · 10/05/2019 21:27

A sip occasionally wouldn't bother me. Regularly encouraging him to drink, would. I was allowed occasionally to drink alcohol from about 5 y/o. My father was encouraging me have Irish coffee with him, most Sunday mornings from about the age of 13. My mother & sister would be at church, so didn't know. He was an alcoholic, which none of us really realised until several years later. Maybe my mother knew, I don't know.

DH & I don't even drink while DD is awake, & I rarely drink these days at all. Having an alcoholic parent is a great way to turn a person against alcohol. I wouldn't recommend it though.

Original poster

TillyTots1234 · 10/05/2019 21:35

It’s the reason why I don’t drink alcohol myself and admittedly I feel uneasy around drunk people but this is purely down to my father being a heavy drinker as a child. I don’t want my children exposed to alcohol until they’re at a more mature age.

OP posts:

RedSkyLastNight · 10/05/2019 21:38

My teenage DC often have sips of whatever we are drinking too. I don't really care either way but I think it demystifies alcohol and takes away the attraction of it being "forbidden". Obviously sample size of 1 proves nothing, but thus far DS has shown no inclination to move beyond the odd sip while some of his friends are regularly getting drunk.

CripsSandwiches · 10/05/2019 21:38

As a PP said the studies actually show early exposure to alcohol makes kids more likely to binge drink. I still don't think I could get upset about a really occasional sip of beer but if he was having half a glass I wouldn't be happy. (My 7 year old drank a sip of my cocktail the other night but that was totally accidental).

ASauvignonADay · 10/05/2019 21:39

A few times a week is a lot!

Mayalready · 10/05/2019 21:40

Recent reports show how damaging any is to a young under developed brain....
Why can't people wait til their dc are legal age? Still a possible 70 + years to drink!!
Let your dc be a dc ffs!!

ToastyFingers · 10/05/2019 21:41

I think a sip is totally fine at that age and a fairly good way to teach kids that alcohol can be enjoyed for the taste and not the effects.

I say this as a child of alcoholics, who drank a litre of spirits every night between them. I drink fairly regularly now but never have more than 2 and can't remember the last time I was drunk.

BogglesGoggles · 10/05/2019 21:44

This was normal amongst many of my friends (a lot of them grew up in wine regions and were encourage to develop a pallet from a young age, especially if their family was in the business). None of them are raging alcoholics and all have very developed pallets. Also worth point out that he exposes your son to alocohol every time he drinks in front of him so it’s a bit hypocritical to make that the basis of your objection.

BogglesGoggles · 10/05/2019 21:46

Would also question whether those studies are appropriately adujsted for bias.

Copperandtod · 10/05/2019 21:49

Why does your husband drink most days? Does he have alcohol dependency? I would be concerned about this

Singletomingle · 10/05/2019 21:53

I dont see any issue with the odd sip at 12 especially if accompanied by a reasonable approach to alcohol. While studies do show early exposure leads to problems later most of these studies are far from independent. I believe in countries which have more relaxed attitudes to drinking there is a much smaller incidence of binge drinking and alcoholism.

MyDcAreMarvel · 10/05/2019 21:55

My 12 year old had half a glass of champagne at her sisters 18th given to her by myself.
I think you are massively overreacting.

QueenBlueberries · 10/05/2019 22:03

a few points. First, there are studies showing that early exposure to alcohol makes kids more likely to binge drink. Also, about the wine tasting developing pallets etc, those regions probably have a lot less of a binge drinking culture than the UK. It's beer we're talking about, not fancy wines.

I think as a one off or very occasionally (wedding, Christmas, something like that) it would not bother me, but a few times a week? yanbu.

DontDribbleOnTheCarpet · 10/05/2019 22:03

Do you feel that he is trying to mask his own drinking somehow? I'd be concerned about drinking most days and I would worry that he would end up encouraging your child to do the same eventually. It doesn't sound like your husband is the best judge of a healthy attitude to alcohol.

happymummy12345 · 10/05/2019 22:04

I was drinking wine with meals on special occasions since I was 8. So

RozHuntleysStump · 10/05/2019 22:08

Big woop.

kalopali · 10/05/2019 22:11

Why can't people wait til their dc are legal age?

I don’t think many people give alcohol to under 5s TBH

Bluntness100 · 10/05/2019 22:13

all the studies show the exact opposite

No they don't. In the med for example where alcohol is seen as nothing special and not banned from kids, then there is way less alcohol problems than here in the U.K.

Op, he's doing fine, the issue arises when parents make alcohol something desirable, mysterious, cool, banned, that they go over board and can't control themselves, when it's just seen as no big deal something to be enjoyed with a meal but not abused, then it's less likely problems Will occur.

The kids at uni getting their stomachs pumped are always rhe kids of the parents who banned it and those are the kids didn't know their limits and rebel and could end up dying from it.

Normalise alcohol as something to be enjoyed but not abused, and you will do your child a favour.

Teach them it's the forbidden fruit and cross your fingers they survive.

PopcornPopper · 10/05/2019 22:19

A sip to try the taste of the drink to me is different to letting them drink the same drink.

I have two teenage sons, both under 18 but they have tasted beer, red, white and rose wine, fruit cider; basically anything we may have had ourselves in the house. But we very rarely drink. It isn't part of our day to day or week to week.

Ds1 is 16 and has friends who regularly drink several cans of fruit cider with their parents every weekend.

Freshstartmaybe · 10/05/2019 22:20

I married a French man and moved to France (whole other thread...) But the one positive is that having alcohol from a young age is standard here.
Husband explained that the wine is ALWAYS there so no need to binge. It's on the table at lunch and dinner, and waiting in the fridge, so why gulp it down.
My eldest (similar age to OP child) has been offered wine many times- takes a few sips and says no thanks. Same with his friends.
They just aren't bothered. It's one thing I will praise the husband for. Making alcohol so dull and every day I am thankful.

Copperandtod · 10/05/2019 22:20

If his dad is an alcoholic there is already a problem

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