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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be hurt by this?

64 replies

susan82 · 10/05/2019 19:56

Hello,
First time posting on AIBU so please be kind.
I don't know why this bothers me so much but I feel quite hurt by it. Recently gave party invitations out for DDs 5th Birthday party to the teacher and slowly replies started filtering in. Still waiting on a few parents who are yet to reply but no big deal. Today I was collecting DD and DS from after school club and a mum who I don't know very well (and have only exchanged brief hellos in the past) approached me and said that she'd received the invitation. I nodded and smiled and then she proceeded to tell me that her DD doesn't want to come as she doesn't really like to play with my DD and doesn't like her. I was very taken aback as I wasn't aware of any problem with my DD and the other girl. I asked DD if she liked this girl and she said yes, she's my friend.
My DD is having support in school for social and emotional issues but is normally a kind girl. I felt this mum was rude. Surely she could have just said they couldn't make it instead of saying what she did. If my DD didn't want to attend a party I'd never tell the parents this, I'd just say thank you but we have plans. AIBU to feel hurt?
Thanks

OP posts:
SpongeBobJudgeyPants · 10/05/2019 19:58

She was out of order. That was really rude and unecessary Flowers

TinyMarie · 10/05/2019 19:59

YANBU at all. This would really upset me, especially if she didn't explain further. The girls could have had a silly argument or something as kids do but to say that and nothing else is awful! Rude woman!

honeylulu · 10/05/2019 20:00

Very rude and totally unnecessary.

SilviaSalmon · 10/05/2019 20:01

Shock How ungracious. Give her a wide berth in future.

user1498572889 · 10/05/2019 20:01

Yes she was rude and thoughtless. I never understand why people have to make a big deal out of refusing an invite. A simple thanks for the invite but so and so can’t make is all it needs. People are not normally interested in what someone can’t come anyway.

Waveysnail · 10/05/2019 20:01

Bit weird. A simple no thank you would have been fine

happinessischocolate · 10/05/2019 20:02

Don't take any notice, children fall out with each other all the time but then forget about it and move on. Maybe this child fell out with yours one day and told her mum and now the mum thinks its an issue. My dc are in their mid teens now and there's some parents from school who still don't talk to each other because if something that happened in year 1 😁😁 the kids can't even remember what happened 🤷‍♀️

Emilydickensonsdogs · 10/05/2019 20:02

She is a very strange woman. This has nothing to do with your child or her behaviour and it sounds like the woman could do with help with social issues. I wouldn’t speak about it to any other parents as I’ve found over the years that people who are rude with you will also be rude with others. I hope your daughter has a lovely birthday party.

Elliemayclampett · 10/05/2019 20:02

Yanbu. Very odd behaviour from the other mum.

Original poster
susan82 · 10/05/2019 20:03

Thank you, I was so shocked I just said "oh ok". It's awful because DD thinks this girl is her friend. I haven't told DD what she said, i just said she unfortunately couldn't make it. I will give her a wide berth definitely after this!!!

OP posts:
NoParticularPattern · 10/05/2019 20:03

Completely unnecessary. She didn’t have to go into so much detail, surely she didn’t even have to approach you at all? Just send the invite back with a “sorry but we have other plans that day” on the bottom. To go out of her way to say what she did was just rude and needlessly hurtful.

luckylavender · 10/05/2019 20:03

I would have been upset too. Very strange.

HBStowe · 10/05/2019 20:04

Yanbu, she was completely rude and unnecessary. Some adults never leave the playground unfortunately, and she’s clearly one of them Flowers

BlueMerchant · 10/05/2019 20:07

Be pleased they're not going to the party.
Unbelievably rude.

happinessischocolate · 10/05/2019 20:08

t's awful because DD thinks this girl is her friend.

But the girl probably is her friend it's probably just the bloody mother making a big deal of nothing. If you're really concerned ask the teacher if the 2 girls get on or not.

nickyXjayno · 10/05/2019 20:10

What a weirdo

oneforthepain · 10/05/2019 20:13

Some people are weird.

MoreCookiesPlease · 10/05/2019 20:14

What a rude woman. Stupid, too, if she doesn't realise kids fall out with each other and make friends again ten times a day, which is normal.

So no, YANBU. This woman was rude and tasteless. (Like you, OP, I would have said something along the lines that we already had something on that day, if my kid said that they didn't want to go.

Chin up, OP. Have a wonderful celebration for DD and be glad that miserable woman won't be attending.

PamelaX · 10/05/2019 20:15

it's strange, I would ask the teacher if there are any problems I need to be aware of.

if not, just ignore, she's nuts. I have heard of plenty of parents refusing invitations because they didn't like the child for various reasons, never about them telling the host that!

MoreCookiesPlease · 10/05/2019 20:15

*tactless, not tasteless!

IvanaPee · 10/05/2019 20:16

What a fucking weirdo!

Bright side you won’t have to deal with her at the party cause you just know she’s one of those!!!

Babyroobs · 10/05/2019 20:17

This is really rude. I would be upset too.

Eustasiavye · 10/05/2019 20:23

Rude and weird behaviour.

Original poster
susan82 · 10/05/2019 20:24

Thank you all. This is the 3rd party I've done for DD and a fair few for older DS and never come across anyone as rude before! I'm relieved in a way that they won't be there. Some people you just can't weigh up. Thanks for supportive replies much appreciated

OP posts:
quizqueen · 10/05/2019 20:27

Maybe there have been some unpleasant issues in school between the girls and the school hasn't been completely upfront about it with you, as you admit your daughter needs support. Better that the mother had just politely refused the invitation though.