To ask how other parents coped with leaving their baby in nursery?

[Ilovemuesli]

Sigh
I'm just feeling sad today. My little girl (who turns 1 tomorrow btw) has gone to nursery yesterday and today for the first time. Full days as my partner and I are both at work.
I feel so sad :( She was crying when I left her, which made me cry all the way to work. Sat here at my desk fighting my wobbly bottom lip !

I know she will get used to it and make lots of friends. But I never (naively) realised how hard it would be to leave her :( :(
She's only going in 2 days a week but how will I cope when she starts school if I can't cope with her going in now !?
How did others get over this :( ? (!)

She will learn so much at nursery and you will see her growing and developing and you will feel more human back at work. It gets easier very quickly. By the time she goes to school she will be 4 and so incredibly annoying! Don't worry. You are doing the best for your family.

If you can during your break call the nursery to ask how she's doing. They'll be more than happy to let you know, and most will have lots of parents calling multiple times a day when their child first starts. At my nursery we have one parent still calling every day and her children have been in nursery over a year.
She'll cry when you leave but more than likely as soon as you're gone she'll be happy and playing, they all do it and if the staff don't seem too fussed that she's crying it's because she's doing it for you and because she's trying to guilt you not because she's actually upset.
It is hard and I sympathise fully

Oh I remember crying all the way to work on DDs first day!

Seriously, it will be totally normal in about 3 days time. She'll be having fun, you'll be drinking hot drinks and peeing alone, and the best bit is this: you will be so thrilled to see each other at the end of the day. Really, it's the best, when their little face lights up and they just come barrelling over to just hold onto you.

You'll be grand. Honestly.

Time. You and your daughter need more time to adjust to this new phase.

Little by little, every day will get easier for you both. I know it doesn't feel like it can ever get better right now but I promise it will.

I sent my son to nursery when he was 9 months old because my paid maternity leave ended and I had to return to work full time. I remember the first 2 weeks being the hardest. After 1 month he had started to settle in very well and was happy to be left there, so I was happier to leave him there too. Caused me less guilt, anxiety and tears. He's 2 now and there are some days where he still cries at drop off but I know once I've left he'll calm down very quickly and have a wonderful day. Separation anxiety comes and goes depending on their age.

I, like so many working mums, know what you're going through. It's so tough. Hang in there.

Like PP suggested, phone the nursery for an update if you want. They'll be more than happy to talk to you. Also, do they have an online activity log like Tapestry or Parent Zone? That's a lovely way to see what your daughter has been up to and lessen your worries. Some upload details and photos daily but others do it weekly. Depends how busy they are!

Thank you all :)

Think I'm beating myself up because technically we didn't have to put her in nursery, we could have worked childcare between our jobs. But I pushed for this, to help her development so that she could be round other kids having fun & learning.
Hope this doesn't make me sound too heartless! Just need to pull myself together. God help me when she's a teenager and can't wait to go off by herself!

:)

OP it's very early days and it's a million times worse when they cry as you are leaving. Soon enough she'll settle and then at drop-off will rush off to get playing! Just think of all the variety of toys, activities and friends she'll experience. they do all the messy stuff like painting with them, which means you don't have to
Mimy 15 mo started 5 days a week at 1 and now he bloody loves it, to the point where I think he finds weekends at home a bit dull...

It will take time, for you and her. DS went to nursery from 9 months, and DD from 7 months (still there, about to turn 3)
I blubbed both times - felt like the end of an era especially with DD as I wasn't planning a 3rd!

They both thrived at nursery, they were supported and loved just as at home, and I wouldn't change it for the world. Nursery were like a second family. I've also made life long friends with some of the other mums which has been more help than you could imagine when I've been through tough times.

Nursery can do them a world of good, and its a day of play and friends, learning and development, they will help them in so many ways, and she will adjust to it quicker than you I am sure xx

Just wait until the first day of school and you see them run off in their school uniform and a bag as big as them :)

But I pushed for this, to help her development so that she could be round other kids having fun & learning

They don’t need to go to nursery for any sort of development, mental or social. One year olds don’t especially enjoy being around other small children. In fact it can be quite stressful. She can learn a great deal more from 1:1 care.

I’m not denigrating the nursery option. But don’t do it thinking it’s in some way better than 1:1 care. If it’s upsetting you and her and you don’t need to do it, then don’t.

Oh OP, it's horribly hard those first months. Your bottom lip desk wobble got me right in the feels.

DS was the same for months when I would drop him off, he would scream for me hysterically. No matter how much his nursery, who are fantastic, assured me he was fine as soon as I left.

One day they told me to wait on the other side of the door instead of leaving. I shit you not. He went from screaming to within thirty seconds, completely composing himself and going off to play. Mummy who?

They live entirely in the moment, she will cry for ten minutes and have a fantastic day - you're the one carrying the burden.

Oh, this has taken me back. I remember taking my eldest DD to her first day in nursery and then sitting in the car park and crying my eyes out. DD cried when I left her too, but I was told she stopped soon after and they took a picture of her happily playing with the toys to show me when I picked her up. She'll thrive from the environment OP and your DD will learn so much from structured play and interacting with other children. Don't beat yourself up.

If you genuinely booked her into nursery for her own good but could manage her at home between you then I suggest you read the research and keep her at home a bit longer. There will be no benefits to her for at least a other year or two. If you want her to socialise then take her to a toddler group or to the park once she is toddling! I know some parents have no choice but if you do have a choice then it should really be a no brained.

I used to work in a nursery and I promise, once the parents leave they stop crying within minutes (usually less than a minute) and then have a lovely time. I know it’s so hard for you, but it will get easier!

I didn't, I left her with a childminder instead. It was still hard, but I knew she was being well looked after and was happy there.

It gets easier when they start to enjoy it. I cried and got hugged by the staff at nursery!

Once dc1 settled he loved it and now goes in without even saying goodbye. Dc2 is starting in a few weeks and I am dreading it just as much. Even with past experience.

My son started nursery at 10 months, three days a week and used to howl as I left him.....it was so difficult as I walked out and he took a while to settle into the new routine, at least a month but probably a bit longer. However he did settle and absolutely loves nursery, loves his friends, loves the staff and talks about them all the time, it has brought on his speech and his social development so much, he runs into nursery now to give the staff a big cuddle in the morning and to be honest I'm so glad I got him settled into the routine when he was young as I think it would be so much harder trying to do it at two or three.

It didn't bother me. Sorry. I only went back 3 days per week.

I am considering all of this now. I was told when you need full days it’s a lot easier to start when the baby is 6-9 months old (so during maternity) so if there are any initial teething issues you are available easily to sort them out. Also helps with the babies becoming sick etc.

Forgot to mention, I went back 4 hours a day and picked dc1 up after lunch. Still sobbed about it!

Why would you put her in when you don't need her to go? There's no benefit at 1 years old even the research shows this.

A one year old really doesn't need to be at nursery. However if you need to be at work she will be fine!

Honestly, she will be ok and you'll both get used to it 😀

Im going to agree with other posters who say there's no benefit to the child at 1 going to nursery. Nursery is necessary and certainly does no harm to a child, and of course its necessary in many cases, but until the child is 18months or starting to toddle, there's no real benefit to them by being there.

Again it won't do any harm, etc. But at your dds age, going to a nursery is a practical benefit and often necessary, not of benefit to the child. It's why many sure starts etc don't start until the child is 2, because that's the age they benefit from it really.

Once a child is starting to walk and toddle, nursery is invaluable. They develop social skills, waiting their turn, making friends, sharing, experiencing different activities to home etc, and it's basically a fantastic experience for them and aids their development. That's around 18 months though. Up until that point childcare is of benefit to the parent not the child.

If you're happy and want her to go to nursery, then she will be fine. However if you don't need to put her in nursery, are doing so for her benefit and it's distressing you and her, there is honestly no need to continue. As I said up until toddlerhood childcare benefits the parents, not the child. She won't be missing out if you take her out and put her back in in 6 months time - it might actually be easier then because she's older. And at that point you'll be reassured she is going to benefit.

At the moment you're paying probably expensive nursery fees which are unnecessary because you can work childcare around work, that's unnecessary because it has no benefit to you or to her, and that it probably upsetting to you both.

Again nursery is a fine environment and it certainly won't harm her in any way. But nor will it benefit her at this stage. Nursery at this age is really a practical decision and not one made for the benefit of the child. The benefits won't start until she is older

Time helped. Now, we are a few months in and she absolutely loves it there. She's so happy to arrived and points excitedly at everything. Her happiness is how I'm able to do it, plus having some time to myself away from her helps!

Current research says that there is no benefit to the child being away from their primary caregiver under the age of two. After the age of two, on a population level, it becomes beneficial, because they are accessing a range of developmental opportunities that many children may not be able to access in their home environment. Obviously for children who are able to access those activities in a home environment, there is no extra benefit.

It also however says that nursery is not detrimental at any point.

So, there's no benefit to sending her if you're going to beat yourself up. That being said, she will enjoy it in time, it's just a change you're both getting used to.

I'm a SAHM to a 17 month old, and he does two mornings a week. He enjoys it, I get a break, it's win-win. Just do what feels right. If it's nursery - great. If it's not - great.

Enjoy the loo and coffee breaks while you can!

Nursery at this age is really a practical decision and not one made for the benefit of the child

This is very true but hard for parents to hear. It’s much easier to do if you can tell yourself they’re “socialising” and “making friends”.

They don’t need to go to nursery for any sort of development, mental or social. One year olds don’t especially enjoy being around other small children. In fact it can be quite stressful. She can learn a great deal more from 1:1 care.

All children benefit from being with other children for part of the time. What is very peculiar and unnatural is being shut away in a peer group.