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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To ask how other parents coped with leaving their baby in nursery?

39 replies

Ilovemuesli · 10/05/2019 09:26

Sigh
I'm just feeling sad today. My little girl (who turns 1 tomorrow btw) has gone to nursery yesterday and today for the first time. Full days as my partner and I are both at work.
I feel so sad :( She was crying when I left her, which made me cry all the way to work. Sat here at my desk fighting my wobbly bottom lip !

I know she will get used to it and make lots of friends. But I never (naively) realised how hard it would be to leave her :( :(
She's only going in 2 days a week but how will I cope when she starts school if I can't cope with her going in now !?
How did others get over this :( ? (!)

OP posts:

escapade1234 · 10/05/2019 13:27

We are talking about under 2s. It’s not unnatural at all for them to receive 1:1 care with occasional opportunities to be with other small people eg playgroups

What’s unnatural is lumping them in with lots of other under 2s all day, each clamoring for attention with their own individual needs that cannot possibly be met. Noise and chaos and strict routines that don’t take into account personalities and preferences. That’s what’s unnatural.

katmarie · 10/05/2019 13:27

My ds is 15 months and he started nursery at about 12 months. The first few times he cried when I left him and I hated it. But these days I drop him off and he toddles off to play without even looking back. Not sure which is worse to be honest! His development has come on in leaps and bounds since starting nursery, but it's hard to say if nursery is responsible because it's a big age for development anyway, but he is picking up new words and seems to be thriving. So in my experience while it's hard at first it will get better.

Hollowvictory · 10/05/2019 13:28

Children benefit from growing up in a family with money which may mean both parents need to work

escapade1234 · 10/05/2019 13:31

Nurseries have their place and for children from underprivileged backgrounds they can be a wonderful way of accessing early education and stimulation they might not otherwise get. It’s certainly nice for 3 year olds to have some nursery under their belt before starting school. Socialisation becomes important then.

For babies and 1 year olds not under the watch of social services it serves no beneficial purpose.

MariaNovella · 10/05/2019 13:31

Montessori nurseries with mixed age groups and a calmer and more purposeful environment are better than nurseries grouped by age.

ethelfleda · 10/05/2019 13:36

I feel bad for you OP.
18 month old DS has been in nursery for 6 months and it feels very unnatural leaving him there. DH both amended our working hours to 4 days a week so he only goes in three days, and I pick him up at 4.30 those days but still not great.
It does get easier definitely but I still feel bad for leaving him there and wish desperately he could talk to me and tell me if he enjoys it!

ethelfleda · 10/05/2019 13:37

For babies and 1 year olds not under the watch of social services it serves no beneficial purpose

To the child, you mean?
I do agree with this.

Madein1995 · 10/05/2019 13:38

The thing is, I completely agree that nursery does no harm. Of course if parents need to use nursery to be able to work then that's that, and nursery is fine. It doesn't hurt a child. However that's not the situation here - op seems to be putting DD in nursery not because she needs to for work but because she mistakingly believes it will socialise DD.

I get what people mean about parents trying to make themselves feel better, but there's no truth in it and honestly no need. Nursery is a fine childcare option, it's mainly for the parents benefit to younger babies, but again does no harm and is a necessary thing

WaterOffaDucksCrack · 10/05/2019 13:41

It was easy for me tbh. Single parent so it was either nursery so I could work or become homeless!

My son's 4 now and he understands that I go to work to pay for our house/food/trips out etc.

ethelfleda · 10/05/2019 13:42

Madein1995 I thought the OP was back to work?

MariaNovella · 10/05/2019 13:42

As a single parent, I suspect that sharing some of the parenting burden with a nursery might be a huge relief.

ethelfleda · 10/05/2019 13:44

Ignore me - missed OPs update!

CostanzaG · 10/05/2019 13:45

Nursery was absolutely amazing for my DS. He thrived there and it was instrumental in him developing into the confident, social little 4 year old he is today.
We're currently on holiday and he had joined in every activity, begged to attend kids clubs and has made so many new friends. I know nursery has helped him develop those social skills.

I've never felt guilty because I know he loved it and love my job!

Hollowvictory · 10/05/2019 13:46

Having read your update op no I would not send baby to nursery if you don't need to.

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