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AIBU?

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Original poster

To be paranoid ..he is texting another woman? Friends?

53 replies

katiehereornot · 10/05/2019 07:40

I stupidly looked at his phone last night.
We haven't been seeing each other long but I had a gut feeling something was a bit off.
Anyway he had been texting a girl all week and in my opinion it was flirty.
He was initiating the conversation most of the time,texting her when he was heading to work and when he was in bed (yet I hadn't got a text)
I didn't read everything as I didn't have time but some of the messages were him asking if she was going to this outdoor concert near us and saying he was going,talking about when they kissed in the past and did she need a lipstick tester????
Saying someone knocked earlier and he hoped it was her to share her dominoes with her.
Why text her? What's the point?
aibu to be paranoid here?

OP posts:
AryaStarkWolf · 10/05/2019 10:09

Yeah sorry OP but he does seem much more into her than you, for your own dignity I'd leave it

PepperAndCheese · 10/05/2019 10:12

Do you think if I just wait a couple of weeks he might get bored texting her

This is depressing.

Listen to what all the signs are telling you. He wants to kiss her. He ignores you to text her and smiles whens he replies. He is a dog and wants the other girl.

Get in there first and dump him. You already had cause for concern because you looked at his phone.

If you do it now it wont take you that long to move on. Do it before you actually fall for him.

StuckInsideAnEcho · 10/05/2019 10:17

There's never any excuse to invade someone's privacy in my opinion. I hate this phone checking etc, I've been on the receiving end of it with DV. But I digress.

Your spidey senses were tingling for the right reasons and he is not into this the way you are. He either thinks you're just shag buddies or he's a player with no intention of being honorable and decent.

Either way, it makes him a knob, not you. You're lovely and someone people want to be around, which is why he has you. But he's too much of a dick not to want all the lovely ladies.

Put him back wherever you found him and make sure you wash your hands afterwards. You are worth more.

Miffymeow · 10/05/2019 10:17

OP he should be head over heels in excitement honeymoon phase right now, if he's already looking elsewhere then there's no chance, he is a player through and through, charming you is what they do best. His interest in someone else says nothing about you, that is just who he is and what he does.

Get out of there quick before you get in deeper. Don't tell him why, don't take excuses, don't let him try to tell you you are crazy, paranoid etc. Yes you looked at this phone... but you were right!! Much better you act on a hunch and find out than just plod along and ignore your instincts. Flowers

MRex · 10/05/2019 10:18

Have some self-respect and dump him. Don't settle for someone who wants another woman, that's heartbreaking.

OldAndWornOut · 10/05/2019 10:19

This should be your honeymoon period, and he is already looking elsewhere to see what's on offer.
That should tell you what you need to know.

Original poster
katiehereornot · 10/05/2019 10:37

@UpsydaisyandIgglePiggleareatit hello
I'm sorry you've went through a shit too.
It's really difficult when you like someone isn't it.
I'm all confused now tbh

OP posts:
MRex · 10/05/2019 10:42

You're a stand-in until he gets back with the other woman or meets someone else. What is there to be confused about? Don't you think you would feel happier being with somebody who thinks that YOU are the best woman to be with?

SilverySurfer · 10/05/2019 10:59

No need to be confused - raise your bar higher and expect your bf to not want to kiss another woman. I wouldn't tell him you have looked at his phone, just that it's not working for you. That should bash his ego a bit.

ThinkingIsAllowed · 10/05/2019 11:20

He texted another girl asking to kiss her (be her 'lipstick tester').

I know you like him, but imagine what it would be like if you stay with him. You'll always be worried he's cheating. That's no way to live.

UpsydaisyandIgglePiggleareatit · 10/05/2019 11:35

Definitely it is, but honestly if I could go back I would run for hills and not look back. Like people have said, it should be a honeymoon period. He clearly isn’t invested in it as much as you. Find someone better and in the you will be able to look back and see that you dodged a massive bullet. I know it’s hard because you feel rejected, I know I did and that made me cling on more but it’s so so so so not worth it. You will never trust him. You’ll end up checking his phone, his email, his Facebook with this huge pit of fear in your stomach constantly. It’s just not worth it. I know you like him and that’s normal, you met a guy you liked and you want to hang onto that feeling. But please see him for what he is. Not worthy of your time or effort. Be strong, I wish I had honestly it would have saved me years of heartbreak and I would have hung onto my self respect and dignity. I know ultimately you’ve got to do what you want though. I just hope you choose to stand strong and say I don’t deserve this shit. Flowers xx

Mythreefavouritethings · 10/05/2019 12:04

He’s smiling when reading the messages, wishing it was her at the door. Even if it passes, there will be others. You aren’t his priority, and if you aren’t his priority now, you sure as hell aren’t going to become a shinier prospect later. This is dead in the water, either drag it behind you and flail about or get out of the swamp. Read back your message. This is your relationship, this is your life at present. Good enough? Happy?

Original poster
katiehereornot · 10/05/2019 14:11

I know I'm driving myself crazy already.
He has been on and off WhatsApp all morning and not messaging me.
Gets you thinking ..who you chatting with then if not me.

OP posts:
MRex · 10/05/2019 14:23

You really don't want to be helped. You're embarrassing yourself, just break up with him.

Mia1415 · 10/05/2019 14:27

It couldn't be any clearer OP! He clearly isn't really interested in you. END IT!!!

IAmTheChosenOne · 10/05/2019 14:29

Please get some dignity and walk away

ThatCurlyGirl · 10/05/2019 14:47

Five weeks in and you are already unhappy, questioning your worth (what does she have I don't etc) and obsessing over the issue rather than enjoying the honeymoon period - I say prioritise yourself and end it!

Even if you haven't had the exclusivity chat, you obviously aren't on the same page when it comes to your relationship and boundaries. That doesn't mean one of you is wrong and one is right, just that you aren't compatible.

PhannyPharts · 10/05/2019 14:51

Its been five weeks - you're checking his phone, watching him online on whatsapp. You feel second best, that he's prioritising others ( mainly because he is)

No one here is going to tell you anything other than you deserve better and this is going no where. There is no mystery to this. There is nothing to be confused about at all.

Emily1091 · 10/05/2019 19:14

He might get bored of texting her after they’ve had sex back at her place after the outdoor concert but he will find something else to keep him occupied. Agree with PP - dump him. You don’t deserve to be made to feel not good enough. He’s not good enough for you and clearly has no respect.

Purpleartichoke · 10/05/2019 19:25

You know that old story about kissing a frog and he turns into a prince. It’s actually not that crazy. When you find the right guy, it just clicks. He won’t be a perfect prince because no one is, but all that doubt will just fall away. You will BOTH just know that this is it.

theWarOnPeace · 10/05/2019 19:31

Goodness me, your low self esteem and self worth is heartbreaking. This isn’t an AIBU he’s chasing after someone else, don’t sit about waiting, move on! Ask yourself how you ever considered this as anything other than over? In the kindest possible way, you need to address why it is that you haven’t already broken up with this piece of shit. You need to get it together before you end up marrying and/or getting lumbered with some bastard that treats you like crap. This isn’t ok!

YorkshireBelle2019 · 10/05/2019 19:32

Gets you thinking ..who you chatting with then if not me

You know exactly who it is now, its pizza girl!!

Whether or not you've agreed to be exclusive, he likes someone else enough to be visibly distracted in front of you. He doesn't care that it's obvious.

For your sanity, end it and move on. This wont get any better. I dont think anyone will advise you any differently.

Sadiesnakes · 10/05/2019 19:43

There's nothing to be confused about?
It's really simple op, he's interested in someone else. You need to move on, but I suspect you won't and you have a lot of confusion and heartbreak ahead.

XiCi · 10/05/2019 20:07

If he liked you he would not be texting her. Please value yourself more, get rid of him and ask yourself why you would tolerate such shit

SparklyMagpie · 10/05/2019 20:17

Please just leave him. It's obvious OP an I'm sorry but 5 weeks in and snooping is a recipe for disaster.

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