School mum always asking for things

[Bananasplitsy]

I have a friend at school who both DH and I are friends (more like acquaintances) with.
She is generally a nice person but does have a lot of issues, mental health, financial, problems with the fathers of her children, etc. I've always been polite and kind but tried to not get too involved too much as she has tended to over-involve me in the past with her problems.
I have given her clothes and toys for her children as I know that she struggles. I have also been helping her with holiday childcare, even though it has meant me working around it in the evenings, etc to accommodate this.

Anyway, I've had a problem lately with her asking for more and more. It's got to the point where I have remained polite but have toned things down by subtlety avoiding her at school and on social media/messaging. It's got to be such a problem (at one point she was asking for money) that I want to speak to a staff member at school about it. The problem is that my DH doesn't know about any of this and so is still being friendly, liking her posts on Facebook etc. I feel like I can't make a complaint as it will look like we're encouraging it by being so friendly.

I feel stuck and don't know how to handle it.

I haven't told dh as he would say I was overeacting and tell me not to tell anyone/ask for help.

I don't want to be a bad friend but i hate going to school now and it is putting slot of pressure on me.

I know how you feel, I’m not great at saying no either. I agree that your relationship with your partner sounds odd. You should be able to confide in him and have his support. Where is you safe place otherwise?!

Sorry meant husband!

Man up and speak to your dh fgs!

You don’t have a df problem you have a dh problem.
Tell both of them to get stuffed, your dh can rearrange his work to help her out. He’s either a total sap or shagging her

Please do not waste the schools time and resources, this is not an issue for them.

Speak to your husband, I'm not sure what hiding all of this is going to achieve? He is your husband, you should talk about things that are worrying you, especially if it's a person that you both know.

In regards to helping her, some people are very lonely and do need help, and of course it's wonderful that you have been there. However, there are some people that no matter how much you do for them it is never enough and they will continue to take and take and take. Help people when and whenever you possibly can, but when it begins to make you miserable - it needs to stop.

You just have to be honest with her and tell her you're unable to assist with XYZ, if you know of any charities or organisations that may be of help you can direct her to them. Otherwise, it's not your duty to solve everything for her. You can be a friend, but without putting yourself out.

Hope all works out, but please do talk to your husband.

Don’t bother wasting your time speaking to the school, plus it’s just embarrassing, it’s not anything to do with them.

I used to be like you, quiet and always feeling a bit put upon, always helping out and saying yes, no problem. Then I realised an important saying which I have also taught my kids “people only do to you what you let them, and they only know what you tell them”. My dear old mum, used to say this and when I was younger, I just ignored it, I then actually listened and finally understood once I was about 35 lol. I have drummed it into my kids since they were old enough to understand, and they have the same outlook as me now. They help where they can and always help family but if someone takes their kindness for weakness, then shuts it down immediately, telling them why. Seems harsh I know, but everyone knows where they stand and no-one can say they didn’t understand when it has been so blatantly confirmed to them!

BTW my kids are now 20 and 16.

If you’re worried about confrontation just send her a message on Facebook and say you won’t be able to look after her kids anymore or whatever you’ve agreed to due to work commitments and tell the truth and say youve rearranged work to help her out but you can’t do it anymore. You don’t have to wait for her response in the playground you can just simply ignore the reply and when you do see her if it’s brought up just reiterate the reason why. Still be nice and help her out with clothes or toys if you wish to but put a stop to bending over backwards for her

She shouldn’t be leaning on you so much you are not her family or a close friend. Does she have family she can contact for support

that I want to speak to a staff member at school about it.

Why? Have they nothing better to do than sort your problems with another parent?
It's things like this, involving schools unnecessarily, that takes time from teaching!

I'm sorry but you aren't making any sense. Surely the resolution is obvious? Tell your DH to be friendly just not as friendly. Even if thinks it's the most ridiculous thing in the world, tell him it's now taking an effect on you and surely then he will back off?

You seem so desperate to be Missus very nice, kind and supportive that you can't even say to your husband that this woman is a scroungy pest.

Blame it on being quiet if you want but the facts seem that you want someone else to deal with your false beliefs in yourself and be mr/mrs nasty as you are tooooo nice.

You are someone who finds it hard to say no.
She is someone who sees no harm in asking.
If you say no, she will just ask someone else.
Just say no more. She will move on to someone else.