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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

My husband is an enabler. AIBU

46 replies

Boredattheinlaws · 09/05/2019 16:46

Currently sat bored at the in laws while DH fixes their computer so that their photos "go to the clouds", resets the TV because all the fancy surround sound has been messed around with, looks at various viruses that have been "accidentally" downloaded and provides all manner of other tech support. This happens every time we visit and DH is more than happy to help (ahem, escape the kids for hours).
They have all mod cons, the latest and most expensive of all electronics, a pile of tablets, mostly uncharged and discarded, a fancy camera which doesn't get used because they take pictures on the bloody iPad instead and they cant figure out what to do with any of it!
Why on earth do they bother? My poor old DH is their direct helpline and they will hound him by phone if they need anything.
Is he an enabler and should he write up a guide and cut them off cold turkey? Charge for his time? (Tongue in cheek here people Wink)

OP posts:
Amfeelingfline · 09/05/2019 16:54

That’s my job when I visit my dad, I even changed his providers ( phone, mobile, tv) last year as he was paying an absolute fortune but wasn’t sure how to do it...meh! It doesn’t bother me and I hope that once i’m out of touch with tech, my kids will help me out too... annoying for the other partner, dp uses that time to go for a nap 😂

mawof3soontobe · 09/05/2019 16:58

I had to give myself a stern talking to about this as this is exactly what my grandparents use me for and by god it infuriates me!!! I stopped answering the phone cause it was always about fixing phones or firesticks or "looking up that Google" because even although they have Internet, a smart TV, tablets etc it is beyond them how to use any of it. I keep reminding myself I'm going to wish they could pick up the phone and pester me for it one day but it does get very frustrating

SpoonBlender · 09/05/2019 17:00

I got most of the family on Macs and iThings and almost never have to give them support any more. Bliss.

Back in Windows days it was an absolute nightmare, I'd spend all my time sorting out whatever nonsense and making sure the backups etc were still working. DP does the Android support for the couple of people who haven't gone iPhone.

Original poster
Boredattheinlaws · 09/05/2019 17:01

It's mainly amusing watching the ineptitude. Maybe we'll be like that one day Wink the funny thing is when they get in a mood with him because he's "being patronising"

OP posts:
Pipandmum · 09/05/2019 17:06

If he’s happy to help what’s the problem?. They are maybe just trying to keep close to him and the only way is to ask for help with these things. For goodness sake you should be happy he cares and feels useful and wants to help the two people who brought him into this world. Be generous - they’ll be a time they won’t be around any more and how sad will that be for him?

Gigglinghysterically · 09/05/2019 17:10

This is my DH's job too. Used to help his parents and my DF with tecchie stuff. Now they have died he helps my DM, DB, DBIL and...... me. Grin
He's a Halo.

There's a reason why IT guys are put on this earth and this must be it. I can't imagine how bad my life would be if I wasn't married to an IT worker. Grin

That said, he also helps some family members with gardening, electrical and shopping. Yep, he's definitely a Halo.

quizqueen · 09/05/2019 17:16

How terrible that anyone should want to help out their parents/grandparents. I expect all those who complain about doing it will refuse any inheritance which may come their way in the future. Shame on you, 'boredattheinlaws', you could have stayed at home or do you have to follow your husband everywhere!

Original poster
Boredattheinlaws · 09/05/2019 17:20

Pipandmum, did you read the bit that said tongue in cheek? Wasn't meant to be a mean post! It's a running joke in the family...

Glad to see it's not just here all you other folk 😅

OP posts:
Original poster
Boredattheinlaws · 09/05/2019 17:21

quizqueen 😅😅😅😅

OP posts:
Original poster
Boredattheinlaws · 09/05/2019 17:23

Good idea! Slightly convinced that he's partly having a break from the kids and actually enjoys it though 😆😆😆

OP posts:
SciFiRules · 09/05/2019 17:25

As a child in was the one who could set the video recorder, as an adult I am the one to sort out the e-mail and wifi... hopefully my children will be the ones who sort out the hover car and the house robot....and not the mandatory euthanasia appointment!

edgen2019 · 09/05/2019 17:27

Boredattheinlaws - yes I can identify with your in-laws, my daughter often sorts out my tech problems when she visits, scared stiff of using a smartphone because I know it will go pearshaped whenever I attempt to use it - hang in there Bored, patience is a virtue! (said with a smile), I cant do those emoji things!!!

Confusedbeetle · 09/05/2019 17:28

Lots of people love to be needed

FreeTedHastings · 09/05/2019 17:29

My DH is an enabler too, and is teaching one of the DCs to be the same.
Praise be Grin. And that's just me. My mother thinks the sun shines out of his arse. Smarmy bugger.

Piffle11 · 09/05/2019 17:30

My Dsis had to set up the computer for my DF and DM, and get them online. He would ring her whenever there was a problem - even though she lived hundreds of miles away! She would have to diagnose the problem over the phone! DM never even tried it - she was very suspicious of anything 'online'. They were buying something in a store one day and the assistant said that they would email the guarantee/sales details … complete panic (don't know why they didn't ask for a printed version) as DF couldn't remember his email address (NEVER used it, not once), so they rang me. I was telling my DM my email address: got to the '@' … so I'm saying 'at' to her, and she's saying 'What? At what? What are you talking about??' 'GIVE THE BLOODY PHONE TO THE ASSISTANT, MUM!'

DuckbilledSplatterPuff · 09/05/2019 17:34

I get phoned at 9.00 pm on a Sunday for technical advice from PILs.. DH laughing in the background at the tangled explanations as he is computer inept. They only understand email and got very annoyed when I set up messanger on their ipad beause "It means we have to keep ipad on, all the time if we want text messages" - they don't do smart phones. I've told them all fixes must be in person as the phonecalls were too confusing for all. Plus I wanted to watch Morse or Line of Duty.

Fluffycloudland77 · 09/05/2019 17:37

I’ve stopped doing this, I’ve got my own house to run and it’s all really easy stuff that comes with instructions if you look.

If you can work Facebook and Instagram you can swap your gas supplier 🤷🏻‍♀️

dottiedodah · 09/05/2019 17:38

I am only in my 50s and already have to ask my Husband/son /our friend or anyone else that can help, as I am not very techno savvy Im afraid .Brought up before Computers really took off!.I see you are joking but many people struggle with technology, despite being bright in other ways .(Am on the pub quiz team ,good at general knowledge /whip through difficult Sudoku ,and other puzzles, play Chess and so on .Just need some help resetting my bloody password!

Ragwort · 09/05/2019 17:38

Are you my DSIL Blush ? My DB is a great help to my elderly parents with their IT and various other technological problems ... actually I wish he could help me too.

A lot of technology is completely overwhelming, I left work in the mid 90s, mobile phones weren’t even common then, when I returned to work 15/16 years later everything had moved on so fast, I really struggle with all the technology in my job and there is very little help a available, it I assumed that we all know how to use it Confused & many IT people are not particularly good at teaching others.

Pinotjo · 09/05/2019 17:39

Me too, I do this for mum. Funny thing is my daughter tries to help me, at work one of my duties is technical support and she still tries to "help" me 😂

StrongTea · 09/05/2019 17:39

Uncle sends a text to me, then immediately switches his phone off. It drives me mad. Did this when aunt was in hospital, sure he thinks it costs him to have it on.

Baloonphobia · 09/05/2019 17:40

My DH has to do this too, but for my parents. I hope I'm not like this when I'm older but I wouldn't bet against it.

Ragwort · 09/05/2019 17:40

Fluffy but most gadgets etc these days don’t come with instructions. At least not a clear, user friendly guide. I was generously given an iPad but trying to set it up was a nightmare.

StormTreader · 09/05/2019 17:43

I try to remind myself that one day it'll be me at the cashpoint shouting "BUT WHERE DOES THE CARD GO?" as people try to patiently explain to me that its all neural interfacing now and I have to think my PIN louder Grin

MitziK · 09/05/2019 17:44

The alternative position is knowing exactly how to sort a problem, but you can't because you're female and can't possibly know what the random man three doors down says about it - or your idiot sibling's idiot child thinks they need to buy to solve it.

Or in the case of one relative, what her sister's boyfriend says because he vaguely worked with something vaguely connected but involving largely drinking and spending money than fixing anything, compared to somebody who literally teaches it as her day job.

At least they are asking for help and letting him fix it.

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