My husband is an enabler. AIBU

[Boredattheinlaws]

Currently sat bored at the in laws while DH fixes their computer so that their photos "go to the clouds", resets the TV because all the fancy surround sound has been messed around with, looks at various viruses that have been "accidentally" downloaded and provides all manner of other tech support. This happens every time we visit and DH is more than happy to help (ahem, escape the kids for hours).
They have all mod cons, the latest and most expensive of all electronics, a pile of tablets, mostly uncharged and discarded, a fancy camera which doesn't get used because they take pictures on the bloody iPad instead and they cant figure out what to do with any of it!
Why on earth do they bother? My poor old DH is their direct helpline and they will hound him by phone if they need anything.
Is he an enabler and should he write up a guide and cut them off cold turkey? Charge for his time? (Tongue in cheek here people )

it's nice of your DH that he's happy to help

It drives me nuts. I don't know why, but it does.

Why do you need to go with him, do something nice instead!

I send my dh round, he’s not happy to help. My dn probably gets asked now.

Enabler? Wtf he’s just helping his parents.. sounds nice and normal!

I am 47 and need help with my TV.
Usually sorted by a teen!!
Mortified!!

We are fortunate at being in at the beginning of computers. Anyone remember doing coding, dial up?
Our children and now grandchildren can use most tech. In fact I taught them some shortcuts in WhatsApp’s iPhone use. Smug me much 🤭

Its mainly amusing watching the ineptitude That's nice 🙄 They probably never used a computer before they were 60. Hope your kids have a good laugh when you get older and can't be arsed to help you.Stay at home if you're bored.

After that message, got a call from my dad, he’s in France, had a powerful last night and couldn’t get onto his emails... the password he had wasn’t working, fair enough I changed it the last time I was there and obviously didn’t write it down in his notepad. Check my phone, tell him the password, not working, neighbour comes over, tries password doesn’t Work, they realise caps lock is on but don’t know how to turn it off, had to ask for pic of the keyboard, then tell them how to check it’s on, managed to get password in....15 mins, bless him

*power cut not powerful 🤦‍♀️

How old do you think they are, @WeirdPenguin?

If you guess the OP as being 30, that puts them at about 60. Unless they were a dinnerlady/cleaner and a digger of holes in the road (and even then they could be using phones, computers and consoles at home), that gives them the best part of thirty years in which to learn how to use technology.

If you're talking about the parents being nearly 90, you'd have more chance of being reasonable - my mother wouldn't be able to do it, but there are plenty of people her age at a club I go to who know a damn sight more than most of us, as they were the people actually building the systems and using them to do their own jobs in the 60s, 70s, 80s and 90s.

Unless they were a dinnerlady/cleaner and a digger of holes in the road (and even then they could be using phones, computers and consoles at home), that gives them the best part of thirty years in which to learn how to use technology.

We had dial up internet in 1995- no-one else we knew did (young professionals in London). No-one had a mobile phone then unless you had an expensive brick. Blackberry came in 1999 but rare and expensive.

In 1995 primary schools still had BBC- they mostly start getting PCs in 1998 ish (government funding)

The iPhone only came in 2007. iPad in 2010

So for most people 20 years at most- not nearly 30.

I guessed they were around 70. I had my first computer plonked on my desk at work when I was 55. I had never turned one on before. I rarely have to ask for help to be fair but it did take a while to get used to it. Things have changed rapidly. I guessed OP would be around 40 but, like you Mitzi I am only guessing.

Well, most people I know were using computers at work from the 1980s, schoolfriends had computers from the late 80s, I was using a computer at school in 1983 (my secondary had one network by then - the RM Nimbus), two new computer rooms by 1988. The Sega Megadrive went on sale in Europe in 1990 and an Atari ST/Commodore Amiga was in the homes of a lot of my friends at the same time (the Atari ST was released around 1985 and the 520 and 1040STE, which enabled graphical music recording and editing for the first time, rather than having to code beeps, went on sale in 1989/90.

I was temping by 1994 and used computers at every booking - one had an electric typewriter in the cupboard, but nobody actually used one. I know that's 25 years ago, but the number of computers in my life from primary school in the early 1980s and the number in businesses makes it nearer 30 years for people to get the hang of using technology and then adapting to the changes from moving away from solo or internal network based systems to using the internet.

My dad doesnt like to call me and say, can you come round, I want some company, so he asks for a favour.
I know what he really wants, and I'm pretty sure he knows I know, but we both pretend that he wants me to install a new antivirus.
I dont mind.

He's not an enabler, he's a helpful family member. Always surprised by all the posters on here who seem to resent their DHs having close relationships with their own family. Sometimes the help is also their way of showing closeness and affection. Would you feel the same way if he resented you spending time with your parents?

Yes my MIL also asks for IT support - she usually remembers urgent jobs as we are about to leave that must be done... right before our 3.5 hour journey back. The last time we visited i asked her within 10 mins of arriving "do you have any IT jobs that need sorting, just so we can avoid the panic as we are leaving" she was not happy i had rumbled her little game.

My family is entirely non-technologically minded. Luckily both of my DSs and I married men who are good with IT one way or another.
The sons-in-law are collectively referred to as the IT Support Team and seem to have accepted their burden uncomplainingly.

Mitzi , you have been in office based jobs where technology was used. As late as the early 2000s many medical personnel were keeping handwritten paper records and recording reports onto dictaphones for someone to type up. You obviously have an interest in technology too. It isn't the same for everyone and the pace of change is rapid.

One day it'll be your DH and you needing the help. I think it comes to us all eventually.

Call it payback for all the nappy changes, nightfeeds etc etc his parents did for him when he was a baby.

You'll be old yourself one day, I hope you children and their spouses are kinder than you seem to be.

My in laws are like this. They have all the mod cons, no idea how to use them. They have a 4K TV, MIL is partially sighted and they sit and watch TV shows from the 70s in standard definition. 🤦‍♀️

They used to ask DH for help, who would then ask me. Now they ask DH's nephew.