Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Giving lifts.

41 replies

peppapigger · 09/05/2019 13:35

Don't know if I'm being unreasonable or have encountered a CF.

Constantly being asked for lifts to and from work by colleague. Not having to go out or my way, but never been offered any money all the years I have done it. Aibu to be annoyed ? How do I say no politely.

OP posts:
Poloshot · 09/05/2019 13:40

Tell him/her your car doesn't run on fresh air

Hotseat · 09/05/2019 13:41

Sorry I'm not going home straight away, early morning shop etc. It is bothersome, I used to give lifts to all but realised that while I'm in the car it is the only bit of peace I got all day.

NoSauce · 09/05/2019 13:43

How many years? If you’ve never asked for money for giving them a lift it’s no wonder they haven’t offered. Rude of them obviously but you should have brought this up a long time ago.

Bloke23 · 09/05/2019 13:46

I had it a few years ago, I worked for an agency, offered me a job that was out of the way and the start time was before public transport, they wanted me to go out of my way into the town centre to pick 4 people up, then drop them off in the evening, even tho I had to drive past my house, I kindly declined

HypatiaCade · 09/05/2019 13:53

A simple, 'sorry, can't today' with no reason given. If they ask why not give them a puzzled look and say 'because I have things to do!'

And repeat.... as often as needed.

MachineBee · 09/05/2019 13:56

YANBU to be annoyed but YABU to not have asked for contribution to running costs. Do you even like this colleague?

Drum2018 · 09/05/2019 14:01

How do they manage if you are off for a day/week? Is there public transport they can use? Not that it's your problem either way. Just tell them you are not in a position to give lifts anymore - no reason needed. If they ask why say it's insurance related. If you had an accident they could make a claim and probably increase your insurance premiums. You don't need to go into detail. Let them work it out for themselves.

Original poster
peppapigger · 09/05/2019 14:02

About 4 years. At least twice a week. It's not bothersome, it's just really starting to irk me. I've even started making excuses about going elsewhere to avoid it. Which then makes me feel mean.

OP posts:
Original poster
peppapigger · 09/05/2019 14:05

If I'm off, they will use public transport. It's gotten to the stage it's now expected. Also as a pp mentioned I also enjoy the peace of the journey on my own.

OP posts:
sockatoe · 09/05/2019 14:15

Tricky to justify once it's become the norm and not out of your way. Maybe some audio books or foreign language learning in the car? Or commitments before/after work?

bamboofibre · 09/05/2019 14:17

Then you need to tell them. 'The arrangement can't continue. I'm wanting to do the journey on my own now.'

Original poster
peppapigger · 09/05/2019 14:19

Whenever they are on my shift, she always asks. And I am put on the spot. Need to be more assertive.

OP posts:
MachineBee · 09/05/2019 14:21

Yes you do need to be more assertive. MM classic of ‘No’ is a complete sentence required here. Grin

Rainbunny · 09/05/2019 14:23

I had a coworker (actually my boss!) who used to do this and it took me out of my way and added 30-45 mins to my commute in rush hour. I did speak to her about it frankly but she offered to pay me and still kept asking! In the end I got a temporary gym membership at a gym close to work even though I already went to a good gym near my home (so I ended up with two simultaneous gym memberships for 3 months.) I went (or said I was going) every single night after work. After a month or so she gave up asking. After the temporary membership ended I just drove home and went back to my regular gym as normal, I don't know if she ever realised.

It might have been an extreme thing to do but I genuinely like working out after work anyway, so temporarily doing it somewhere different so I couldn't be roped into lift giving worked out.

Mayalready · 09/05/2019 14:24

Get yourself some inflatable passengers!!

NoSauce · 09/05/2019 14:24

Either you say that you’ll need a contribution to fuel from now on, that you can’t carry on with anymore lifts or nothing. 4 years is a long time to have kept quiet and this person is probably blissfully unaware that you’re annoyed.

shitholiday2018 · 09/05/2019 14:28

If they are brazen enough neverto offer a contribution, or acknowledge it with a gesture (bottle of wine, flowers every so often, or similar) l, then they are thick skinned enough to take a brush off. Do you want time on your own? If so, say you won’t be able to do it anymore. Make an excuse if you want to but don’t feel obliged to.

TheSerenDipitY · 09/05/2019 14:29

just look at her, tilt your head, and say.... no, if she askes why say very clearly... i had a thought just now, ive been giving you lifts to and from work for over 4 years now and you have never once given me any petrol money, i have saved you hundreds of pounds on bus fair and not once have you even offered let alone given me any, so..... nope... and then walk away

Pipandmum · 09/05/2019 14:30

I was asked to give a boy a lift to school as his dad would have already gone to work and mum didn’t drive. Too young to take public bus and school bus (private) couldn’t pick him up every day. I said sure then realised he was quite a ways further away from school then we were. But hey I’d like to think someone would help me out! At Christmas the family gave my kids a way too generous gift certificate to Hamleys toy store as a thank you.
Also I take my kid to judo with two other lads. One mum doesntt drive so it’s always shared between me and third mum (occasionally a dad but I’m single as is the carless mum). Anyway she did offer to pay for taxi one way but that seemed silly as we could usually do it. Then it came up they had an overnight tournament and a parent had to go - guess who volunteered? Yes carless mum. So my point is that the person receiving the favour should acknowledge it in some way. It’s just rude not too. That doesn’t help you but maybe just say you've moved it’s no longer convenient to pick them up. Or just say it’s no longer convenient you don’t have to explain why.

Magenta82 · 09/05/2019 14:31

i had a thought just now, ive been giving you lifts to and from work for over 4 years now and you have never once given me any petrol money, i have saved you hundreds of pounds on bus fair and not once have you even offered let alone given me any, so..... nope... and then walk away

I love this!

topology444 · 09/05/2019 14:37

I don't understand why it is not seen more positively to share rides: It is much better for the environment and for other drivers if there are fewer cars on the road. Instead of saying "No" perhaps you can say that you feel that you are taken for granted and that you would appreciate some contribution/recognition.

Magenta82 · 09/05/2019 14:41

It is positive to share rides, but anyone who would think it is acceptable to take advantage like this for 4 years is a barefaced CF and is more concerned with the benefits to themselves than the environment.

Original poster
peppapigger · 09/05/2019 14:50

Sharing rides is positive. Not sharing any expense is fucking rude. I've started making excuses every now and then hopeing CF takes the hint. Although I don't think a subtle approach will work here.

OP posts:
SavingSpaces2019 · 09/05/2019 14:53

I also enjoy the peace of the journey on my own
That's what you should say to her if she expects an explanation - after you tell her "i can't give you lifts anymore"

Original poster
peppapigger · 09/05/2019 15:40

Hope it doesn't cause any awkwardness in work.

OP posts:
Please create an account

To comment on this thread you need to create a Mumsnet account.

Join Mumsnet Log In

This thread is closed and is no longer accepting replies. Click here to start a new thread.

Swipe left for the next trending thread