To think life would be easier

[mrsgandy]

At my age . I'm constantly anxious about money. I'll admit I'm lucky after years of hard work mortgage is paid and no debt but due to unforeseen circumstances we had to wipe our savings. Things are broken we can't afford to replace , son in uni so that comes first but AIBU to have thought I could not be worrying about all this in my 50s. Dh is self employed and it's tough at times . Right now I see no light at end of tunnel. I'm terrified something big will happen and we bit left high and dry.

Well you probably won't get a lot of sympathy here OP. You have a home and no debt.

That's incredible.

If you want more income, could you try to earn more?

Remortgage?

We worry more about things generally as we get older-health as well as wealth.

Easier said than done, try not worry about your son at university. I don't agree with student loans but they are there and he has a lifetime to pay them back. Explain to him money is tight.

If you don't work, get a job. It'll help with income and it'll be (ideally) good for your self-worth and social life.

Yes you’re being unreasonable
No dent. Mortgage free at 50

Jesus. Christ.
HTH

Debt even

You may have no savings but your mortgage free.
If something big happens as you say at least you have a home . That's the most concern for most paying the mortgage/rent .
You son is in uni so assume that will be 3 years that your helping him financially.
Most people just get by but you are more financially stable than most people would dream of .

It's your dh being self employed that's the issue. How much does he earn per year? Would he be better off with a job, sick pY, pension, holiday pay, life assurance, private medical etc?

I'm not sure it makes total sense to have a big asset paid off but not much to live on and no reserves. Go and see an independent financial adviser and get some advice. Do you work yourself? Do you both have pensions? The best way to deal with worry is often to take some practical actions.

DH is self employed but struggling.
DS is all but self sufficient at university.
You have no mortgage - you own your own home.
You don't have enough money (in your opinion) for your needs/wants.

How much do you earn?
How much firs DS earn to support himself through uni?
What can't you afford that you want/need?
Why doesn't DH look for employment so his income is guaranteed?

Yes the issue is DH self employed and he had ill health for a couple of years so catch up on that time is hard . I work part time . DS does contribute as he works too and yes just another year to go.
Wasn't looking for sympathy at all as I realise I'm lucky to have my home . I just get very anxious about things recently and can't see the wood from the trees at times .

I think quite a few of us share that anxiety as we get into our 50s (so fuck off just breathing)

I'm going to increase my hours to almost full time, could you do that OP?

I think you probably need to swap roles. If your DH is unwell, but you're still in good health, perhaps it's time for you to go full-time while he works part-time. Being in your 50s doesn't mean you can't still have a career!

@CateisLate
Why should I fuck off. Some people just don’t know how lucky they are. And if all you can do it worry about not being able to have savings and your mortgage is paid off
Then you need to get a reality check.

Well you work part time... go full time if you are worried about cash

OP, you need to work more if you want more money. 'Tis a universal truth.

@CateisLate yes when my last one is through school also another a year I will work full time again. Had to go part time few years ago for personal reasons.

Go to work full time and dh gets a part time job to subsidise his failing business?

I'm with you OP. You have worked, both of you, probably for twenty years. Your DS also works and contributes whilst studying. I imagine you paid tax on earnings. You are now worried because health problems mean you might lose what you have worked for.

@maddening I don't think I ever said his business was failing .

@HowardSpring thank you you have explained exactly what I mean . Try 32 years of me never missing work except for maternity leave. I worked and studied and my dh a great worker. But yes I have seen how easily life can change in a heartbeat and I suffer with anxiety recently so that's all it was . Was just having a little moan I suppose . Allowed at times

op. I'm in my mid-fifties and it's a very difficult time of life I think. You no longer have the huge energy and optimism of youth and you've undergone a few knocks, but are faced with quite a lot of time ahead of you. And you are more aware of how life can change for the worse in a matter of moments. Uncertainty is anxiety provoking. (I know I'm a lot more anxious now I have gone through the menopause.) I don't think it is unreasonable to want to feel secure after 30 hrs of working hard.

And speaking generally, the world does not appear to be as optimistic place as it was when we grew up. We worry for our teens. And more specifically, the UK is becoming a country in which one doesn't want to get old or sick.

And for those glibly saying "just get full-time work" have you tried doing that as a mid-fifties female? Because I have and it is really not as easy as you might imagine.

No advice or solutions but I hear you op

I can understand you're a bit panicked op as you are obviously used to being financially secure with savings in place for a rainy day. However try to look at the positive, you are mortgage and debt free with an income coming in. That is a good position to be in.

The down side of owning your own home, if something goes wrong, like chronic ill health, you end up with all the upheaval of having to sell it, leaving your home, your friendship base, support network, sense of community, having to relocate, becoming isolated - whereas if you rent there's no fear, the state will pick up your bills.

I feel for you OP.

Sorry, I apologise to pps. Now I have re-read properly, they weren't at all glib about finding full time work. That is me projecting because of my own situation .