AIB Unromantic like Dp thinks?

[NotReadyForThisX2]

We're getting married next year (February) and Dp has just got home all excited with a bunch of holiday brochures and a plan for us to book our honeymoon. Only we already have Ds and I'm currently pregnant, Dc2 will be too young for me to want to leave him and I just don't think it will be much of a honeymoon with two young Dc.

He looks a bit devastated and he thinks it will still be lovely with the two Dc. I'm suggesting we have a uk weekend away and go away in the summer, which he thinks is just what we'd do any year and he wanted something more honeymoon like.
We did always say for our honeymoon we'd do a luxury Maldives/Caribbean destination, as that's not our usual holiday type. I just think the cost and having two Dc with us just doesn't make it worth while or really appeal to me.

Am I terribly unromantic or is he being terribly unrealistic?

He's actually in a mood now. We couldn't decide last night and he was being a bit stroppy but I didn't think in a serious way. Then he was funny this morning so I asked him if he was seriously upset and he replied "you're not even taking it seriously and looking at my suggestions, so what's the point" he ended on saying I should just book what I want and that I always get my way anyway.

It's a holiday, he's being a bit ridiculous right? And I haven't not looked, all he's doing is showing me one lovely hotel after the other, no real details. Plus he's taking time off for the wedding and then if he gets his way the honeymoon, he'd be using almost all his annual leave in the first few months.

I might have told him, if he doesn't stop being a baby, there won't be a wedding at all. He's taken Ds off in a strop to the park.

Do you know what, I think he's pissed off because he wants a traditional, lots of rampant sex, candlelit dinner, endless cocktails, kind of honeymoon and he can't have one. Or at least not unless the kids are shipped off to grandparents for the duration and he knows that's not happening. Reality and his fantasy have collided and he's sulking.

That's what I don't get @Alsohuman. Surely he realised this when we started planning the wedding. It's not like I'm pregnant with our first so he's not sure what the reality of a baby is like. We've been on holiday with Ds and it was lovely but it wasn't lots of sun, sex and sangria.
It's not like we can tell the Dc it's our honeymoon so you know, sleep all day and night kids so mummy and daddy can have some fun. And he wouldn't even want us to leave them, even if I'd be happy with that. So it's not that he was hoping I'd leave them with my mum or his or something.

But he turned down morning sex this morning and I've never known him do that, not once. So he's definitely fallen out with me 😂

Oh dear. It sounds like it will all probably sort itself out once he's had time to get over being disappointed. I know when I really want something and it can't happen it can sometimes take me a while to be sensible about it (and stop being a mardy cow 😂).

I find choosing holiday destinations really stressful too OP, especially when the whole world is an option!

I was suggesting long-haul later in the year as a compromise. You said you wanted to go to Europe in the summer. I can see why DP wants to go long haul, even with small kids, to make it that bit more special.

Your update of him sulking, no weekend sex, and threats by you about not getting married, needs to be turned around. .. I suggest that before looking at destinations you sit down together and discuss, and write a list or mind-map of all you both want from the holiday/ honeymoon, and also any limitations (sorry to call children limitations! ). Then work together to find a realistic compromise, and when you will go, to one or both honeymoons.
This planning could actually be
FUN!
(Wow - I might take my own advice on this - always get very stressed with DP when trying to organise a holiday).

He's come back from the park in a better mood and brought me a costa coffee and a muffin (I know this is him apologising, because he doesn't like me drinking coffee when I'm pregnant). I'm hoping that's it @Pashazade.

I think we'll try that idea tonight @Charley50. I've suggested long haul April/May time though, he wants to go after the wedding.

He's not usually moody over stuff though. This is very unusual for him, every other holiday he's not bothered where we go or stay. He's very easy going generally about most things, not in a not bothered way but he's not fussy. If that makes sense?

What does he think long haul will offer that short haul won’t - aside from long flights with two small children? Cos that’s so romantic! April/May would be lovely in the right part of virtually any European country, eg the Amalfi coast or Tuscany are both gorgeous in late spring.

I don't know @Alsohuman. Think maybe it's the hotels, he's looking at the real luxury (and expensive) ones. I agree on the flights, but did say if he really wants will do long haul in April so two months after the wedding. But he wants to go straight after, which I really don't understand.

Will talk to him again tonight, he's not in mood anymore at least.

Will take a look @HitMeLikeAHurricane, thank you. I was looking more self catering apartment of villa because that's what we'd normally do and it's a bit more space for the Dc.

He's been a little swayed by those hotels @HitMeLikeAHurricane. But oh my goodness they're as expensive as the ones he's been looking at
Very beautiful though and I guess it's our honeymoon maybe I need to stop being so tight.

I've been looking for June, it's coming in a lot more than that though. Is May not still a bit cool in Greece though? Don't need to do school hols, but I do like it hot.

@HitMeLikeAHurricane

We've decide and booked! Staying at a beautiful hotel in the Lake District for a few nights after the wedding, lake view and with our own deck area and hot tub.
Then 10 nights at the Sani beach Halkidiki in June, thanks @HitMeLikeAHurricane. We've upgrade to one of the one bedroom family rooms with a private garden area and you can access the beach straight from it. It gives us a bit more space and hmm, privacy from the children. Basically we can put them to sleep in the bedroom and have sex in the living space. But also to hopefully have some time in the evenings if get both Dc to sleep, to have a glass of wine or two and some time together.

You see I can think a little romantically.

Plus baby will be around 7 months, so hopefully not breastfeeding as often as if we'd gone away at 3 months. Which will mean I'm more likely to be able to enjoy the spa facilities while Dp has the kids and be able to enjoy a bit more to drink, if I'm not feeding every hour. And I'll have had a bit more time to feel bikini ready after two dc pretty close.
So much better for me, but like I told Dp if I'm feeling better then he's going to be feeling better when we're there.

Really pleased you’re in agreement. It sounds lovely. Happy honeymoon!

Thank you @HitMeLikeAHurricane and @Alsohuman. I'm very excited and can't wait, shame it's not until next year. But we've finally decided on all the big wedding things now. So just the little details to organise and a new baby to prepare for. At least we aren't moving house as well.
Dp's happy with it too, he spent ages looking at the best deans on the hotel and flights, so we've got it at a good price and got a upgraded room and free upgrade to full board. Still expensive for a beach holiday but less than the holidays he was looking at.

Perfect!!