AIB Unromantic like Dp thinks?

[NotReadyForThisX2]

We're getting married next year (February) and Dp has just got home all excited with a bunch of holiday brochures and a plan for us to book our honeymoon. Only we already have Ds and I'm currently pregnant, Dc2 will be too young for me to want to leave him and I just don't think it will be much of a honeymoon with two young Dc.

He looks a bit devastated and he thinks it will still be lovely with the two Dc. I'm suggesting we have a uk weekend away and go away in the summer, which he thinks is just what we'd do any year and he wanted something more honeymoon like.
We did always say for our honeymoon we'd do a luxury Maldives/Caribbean destination, as that's not our usual holiday type. I just think the cost and having two Dc with us just doesn't make it worth while or really appeal to me.

Am I terribly unromantic or is he being terribly unrealistic?

If he’s worried about what other people will think, they’ll think you’re both bonkers if you take two children to the Maldives!

We're not going to the Maldives or Mexico or anywhere else that's going to be 8+ hours on a plane and cost us ££££ @Alsohuman.
If he's that desperate to go he can go by himself and me and the kids will have a nice few days in little cottage/cabin somewhere.

Now that would be romantic! 😂

Wouldn't it @Alsohuman 😂. I think I'd have quite a lovely time snuggled up in front of fire with my babies and no Dp annoying me though.
(I do love him really)

Why not suggest to him that the two of you spend the night in a really lovely hotel together on the wedding night and then book a family holiday.

You're being necessarily practical. We didn't have a honeymoon cos we were very young and all spare cash was going in to renovating our new house. We're saving up now to take our sons to Pompeii in 2021 for our 25th wedding anniversary - extremely late honeymoon. The boys will be 19 and 23 yrs - much easier than tots!

Our honeymoon ended up being Centre Parcs in February. I was mid University course so couldn't take longer than a week.....we've done good trips since, we might manage a fancy Maldives esque trip some day. I don't care what everyone else thinks it worked for us even though we were child free.

We're staying at wedding venue the night of our wedding and it's beautiful @MumUnderTheMoon. Will probably have the baby in our room though, unless he's happy taking a bottle, then my mum said she'd have both in her room, we shall see.

You see I suggested centre parks @Pashazade. I think it would be perfect for a long weekend after the wedding, there's swimming and activities for Ds and everything is there and easy. Dp's not so keen 😒

That sounds really lovely @Furrydogmum.

I think Centre Parcs would be perfect. The thing is holidays with very young children aren't holidays they are just being somewhere else with all the same effort required so at least it would be a brief change of scene but with all the facilities that make being away with a young child easier. There are a few posh hotels that are very family friendly, think Baby Friendly Boltholes is the website. Would they be more acceptable for your DH.....?

I've shown him loads of lovely places @Pashazade. He's just nit picking now and finding something wrong with everything I show him.
I've told him I'll just end up booking it myself but he said the honeymoon is the grooms responsibility, I'm like not if I don't marry you it won't be 😂

I’m going to completely buck the trend and say ten days or a fortnight in a far flung beach sounds great!

We did three weeks around the Far East when DC was 8 weeks. Was lovely! Also did more long haul travelling as DC got older including the toddler years.

I fail to see why it wouldn’t be fun? Ok, not romantic dinners for two on the beach, but still sunny with a few cocktails and some great food, culture and sight seeing.

AIBU to think that (many) men's idea of romance is sex, sex and more sex
whereas for (many) women, romance is chilling, spending time together, spoiling and being spoiled, and sex. (AND the sex is better because of the rest of it)

I know I am generalising but a long haul flight with possible fractious kids isn't going to be sexy from either viewpoint.

It’s a bit different with one DC Viva!

I agree center parcs for a nice chill and save the long haul for when the kids are older.

I get that @Vivavivienne and I think that's what Dp is thinking. But we'll have been busy with the wedding and new baby and it's a lot of money for what will yeas be a beautiful location but basically just a beach holiday with the kids. I'd rather do a Europe beach holiday for a lot less.
When we discussed it a luxury hotel seemed like a good honeymoon choice it loses its appeal when there's a good chance we'll be sharing the bed with the Dc.

To be fair to him he s quite romantic @Hecateh. I'm the one thinking the luxury hotel would be a bit wasted if we aren't really having sex or not much of it 😂

I can see his disappointment. Most men I know care about the honeymoon more than the wedding, and he must be a bit sad coming to the realisation that what he dreamed of isn't going to happen. I think you should try to compromise more - his idea is too impractical for you, but a bloody week in center parks isn't a honeymoon, it's a dull family thing centred entirely around the kids. If you wouldn't go there without kids, why go for your honeymoon?

We've been married 4 years and haven't had a honeymoon, we won't ever have one either. In fact we've never even been on holiday so

Is a real honeymoon even possible with two small children in tow @Hallouminimuffin?

Oh I don't know. The two week holiday - it might be not much more expensive going long haul than Italy etc. Luxury honeymoon types accommodation is cheaper in developing world destinations.
And no cost for the children's flights.

It sounds as though your DP wants his own way on a lot of things OP. He wanted the earlier wedding, which you've bowed down to. Now he's trying to get his own way on the honeymoon and dismissing your ideas. Without stating the bleeding obvious, if he wanted a traditional romantic honeymoon, maybe he should have thought about getting you up the aisle before the DCs came along.

You could go with tots to travel and get somewhere with a crèche?

I wasn't meaning centerparks for our honeymoon @Halloumimuffin. I just think after being busy with the wedding a new baby, just a long weekend way somewhere in the uk, will be lovely. I've sent him a few places, lodges, cottages, hotels, he's not keen on any.
Then we can go away in the summer.

The one he showed me seemed very expensive @Charley50. Plus if it's straight after the wedding, there's all the packing etc and making sure we get baby's passport sorted as soon as, all while dealing with the wedding and a new baby. Plus I'm thinking getting wedding dress ready 3 months after birth might not be great, don't fancy worrying about getting in a bikini too.

We've said we'll look tonight and I might consider Mexico in April, so would have a few months after the wedding to get things sorted and he's still getting his honeymoon holiday.

He wanted to get married as soon as possible because of the babies @TixieLix and the fact I'm a bit vulnerable without it.
I think he wants me to have the wedding/honeymoon he thinks I want. So I don't feel I missed out or anything. But yes he should have thought about it before he got me knocked up, again! 

I don't think I'd use a crèche @itscallednickingbentcoppers, not even for Ds and definitely not the baby.

I would go for a luxury cottage somewhere with a separate bedroom for the babies. A hot hub. Buy in nice food and booze.

Then do something high-end but family friendly in the summer - again not all in one room.

I meant for the longer holiday OP, not the one straight after the wedding. I agree that a couple of days in the UK then would be lovely.

Dp wanted the longer holiday straight after @Charley50.

I don't even know! We've looked at so many holidays, this is harder than deciding on where to get married.