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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Arghhh Brownies! Or am I the CF?

108 replies

Cellardoor84 · 08/05/2019 20:19

About 6 months ago my daughter decided she wanted to quit Brownies, fine with me. She stopped going but stupidly I forgot to let the unit know. I got a text 2 weeks ago asking if she was coming back, I told them no and apologised for forgetting to tell them (they would have been told by DD's friends in any case). She told me I would need to pay for the 6 months she's missed (plus an additional tenner for reasons I can't quite fathom). I asked if I could bank transfer, was told that wasn't possible. I said no problem and I would drop ilthe cash off when I could. Bear in mind this was 2 weeks ago. I was working late on the night brownies was on, the 2nd week it was cancelled. So I've had no opportunity yet.

Yesterday I get an angry text demanding I drop the money off right away, talking as though I wasn't planning to.

First - I don't remember signing any agreement stating the cancellation policy. Just a bit annoyed really and wanted to rant!

OP posts:
Ishoos · 08/05/2019 20:29

Not excusing the angry text but most Brownie groups have a waiting list so it may be that if you’d told them, they could have let another child start. Also they usually run to tight budget so may rely on full subs being paid to pay for the hall, trips etc.

whitetoblerone · 08/05/2019 20:29

I personally don't think you're BU as you've agreed to pay the money for the time she's missed, which is fair enough!

Not really your fault you haven't been able to get there the last 2 weeks for various reasons, it's not like you didn't offer them other forms of payment.

IceRebel · 08/05/2019 20:30

Whilst the leader hasn't gone about this in the most polite way, it's important to remember they are volunteers, and she has waited 6 months before chasing. She is probably very stressed about trying to balance the accounts, as well as cross that you have prevented her offering the place to another girl.

You are in the wrong here. It could have all be sorted had you simply told the leader your daughter was no longer going to attend.

TotheletterofthelawTHELETTER · 08/05/2019 20:31

I don’t think they’re being cheeky for asking you to pay but you’ve arranged to so they shouldn’t have sent the demanding text.

Our Brown Owl is very vocal about subs covering the cost of the Hall, if any subs are missed she makes it up herself.

KnifeAngel · 08/05/2019 20:32

You are out of order. You have taken a space that another child could use. You should have paid as soon as you could. They run so short on funds.

AppleKatie · 08/05/2019 20:33

6 months of back subs? That’s crazy.

I would pay for the rest of whichever term it was she stopped going in and write them a nice card apologising for not letting them know and thanking them for giving her a nice experience of brownies.

Then I’d block their number!

Original poster
Cellardoor84 · 08/05/2019 20:34

I AM going to pay and will do so as soon as I can, which will be next week - it's the attitude I'm annoyed with.

OP posts:
DontVisitMe · 08/05/2019 20:36

YABU.

tor8181 · 08/05/2019 20:37

odd system they got

with my partners scout group if you dont attend for 4 straight sessions(if they are told why not they accept your reason)they take you off the books
and if you miss a session they dont except payment and any badge work you missed they find time to catch you up
i think shes trying her luck and tbh i wouldn't pay it,not much she can do about it

they should have contacted you after 2-3 missed sessions to see whats going on,who leaves it that long? and assumes a child is still attending,her fault for not using common sense

my family has been in scouting for 18 years and had 3 groups between family members and not 1 have expected you to pay for missed sessions

Original poster
Cellardoor84 · 08/05/2019 20:38

IABU for...?? Paying them? Ranting?

OP posts:
Chickychoccyegg · 08/05/2019 20:39

No way i would pay, she was rude. Just block her number, there's no contract to say you're due anything, its her own fault for waiting so long.

IceRebel · 08/05/2019 20:41

IABU for...??

For not informing them that your daughter had left the unit, it could have been sorted 6 months ago if you had just emailed or sent a text.

Original poster
Cellardoor84 · 08/05/2019 20:41

Thank you for helpful posts. I'm not a payment dodger at all. I always contributed, to them doing sod all and promising the girls they'd do things, then on the night not doing them and disappointing the girls. They generally watched a film each week and nothing else. I will pay, I'm just annoyed about the attitude when I've told them I will pay.

OP posts:
Original poster
Cellardoor84 · 08/05/2019 20:42

I already know that and have admitted that, Ice.

OP posts:
PlanBea · 08/05/2019 20:42

Even though your daughter wasn't going, the unit will still have bought enough craft things/food etc for her whether she turned up or not. My guess the additional money is their census which would have been due in February (this gets paid for each Brownie they say is registered, and the unit won't get this refunded if you later leave).

Brownies run on really tight margins by volunteers. If you weren't able to make it it would have been polite to let them know it would be X weeks so they didn't think you had forgotten the way you forgot to tell them she was leaving.

Littleduckeggblue · 08/05/2019 20:44

Ex leader here. Paying 6 months worth of back subs seems crazy??
In our group we would have messaged after maybe 3/4 weeks of missed group and then taken you off the system. Subs are paid on a termly basis anyway.
Would I pay 6 months of back subs? ... Absolutely not.

sackrifice · 08/05/2019 20:44

They really should not have left it 6 months.

ShawshanksRedemption · 08/05/2019 20:46

What did the text actually say? If they were rude that wouldn't be acceptable.

However you've been a bit (unintentionally) CF, because you haven't thought about the impact on them when your DD gave up Brownies. The group will still have bills to pay etc, and you should have let them know, because they understandably wouldn't take a young child's word for it (ie your DDs friends). It shouldn't be down the them to contact you and find out whats happening. They give up their time for this, don't get paid to do it so a bit of communication from you would've gone a long way.

To you it's only been two weeks, but to them it's been longer without cash that they need to pay their bills for hall hire etc.

BookWitch · 08/05/2019 20:47

Watched a film each night? Hmm I've NEVER heard of that. If that's true you are really unlucky in the unit you were in. I predict about another 10 posts max before someone claims they were thrown out of Brownies and Scouts/Cubs is better/more adventurous.

I'm a Girlguiding leader, Commissioner and trainer.
If you were in my unit, you'd have got one polite inquiry after your third missed week, and if I got no response, I'd give the place to someone else.

The leader should not have been ranty, but honestly, she is probably on a tight budget, she will have paid Annual Subs of around 40 quid for your daughter and has probably just had her rent bill for the year.

Original poster
Cellardoor84 · 08/05/2019 20:49

They never got food or craft things, generally a film each week lol. I definitely should have let them know originally and I will pay the money. I did explain I'd be dropping it on X night, then the night before I got a message to say it was cancelled - the next opportunity is next week hence I'm baffled by their attitude. I will pay it all next week, even though I agree the 6 months is steep (plus a randomly added tenner)

OP posts:
chocolateworshipper · 08/05/2019 20:50

Ask for the cancellation policy - I agree with those saying that asking you to pay 6 months is crazy. Their cancellation policy should specify how many weeks they will wait for before re-allocating the place - then you should pay that.

oneforthepain · 08/05/2019 20:51

You're annoyed with their attitude?

They volunteer and give up their time to do something for their community. This is their time you are wasting messing about. Their time with their families. Their time after a stressful day at work.

You "forgot" to tell them your daughter had decided not to continue, but didn't pay them the respect or basic courtesy of informing them. I assume you remembered not to take her each week anymore? So how did you forget to tell them she wasn't coming? At least be honest with yourself, if not us.

Don't you think they should be the ones posting about how annoyed they are that they kept your daughter's place open for 6 months, budgeted and bought materials based on her being there, and now you're messing them about even more?

How incredibly disrespectful to say it was okay you didn't bother to tell them but that doesn't matter because some kids should have done it for you. Why would they take the word of kids saying someone has quit when the parent hasn't told them? Shouldn't you have behaved like a responsible adult?

You owe them an apology, not an online rant slagging them off.

BumbleBeee69 · 08/05/2019 20:52

Can I ask OP, how much IS this six month payment plus £10 you've been asked for ? Flowers

DobbyTheHouseElk · 08/05/2019 20:52

Why didn’t you let the unit know? Surely you had time in the last 6 months to text or email to say she’d left.

Original poster
Cellardoor84 · 08/05/2019 20:53

Thanks Bookwitch - just to be clear I've nothing against Brownies, DD used to go to rainbows and it was fantastic. I really do think we were just unlucky with the unit as I've heard loads of fabulous things about others. One of the last times she went she was promised they would be having a 'slime night' and that didn't happen - I think that was the final straw for DD Grin

OP posts: