Family abroad

[WILLIAMSNC3105]

I want to know what everyone's thoughts are on family living abroad and how often they should visit. I have a brother living in Canada. He has no children yet but is married. He's lived out there for around 10 years now. Early on after his move he came back each year but in recent times this has reduced. The last visit to the UK was 2 years ago and that was for about 5 days. My family visited my brother last year for a couple of weeks and this year my brother and his wife intend to holiday in Greece with a possible pitstop in the UK for just a day or two. They've asked if we are to visit them again next year. They don't seem to care too greatly about spending time in the UK which is upsetting given my family care a lot about them. My toddler knows who they are from photos and Skype calls and it would be lovely if they could just visit once a year or at least every other year for a week or so. The financial cost of taking a family and our parents to Canada are greater than 2 adults visiting the UK. They don't seem to acknowledge this. They also seem to feel Skype is kind of an ok substitute for not seeing one another. I find it hard to accept that we're expected to travel there to see them if the alternative is to not see them in person for years at a time. What would other people do?

Sorry OP, I have to agree with the majority. We live outside the UK and DH and I really resent spending holidays visiting family in the UK. Sleeping in spare rooms / sofa beds, moving around every few days, trying to slit everyone in. We only do it for grandparents/ cousins etc. If it was just DH and I, we’d probably come every five years or so!

Maybe, like us, your brother has accepted that moving overseas means missing out on stuff - weddings, funerals, watching young relatives grow up and parents get older. If he’s made that trade off then he probably isn’t that fussed about coming “home” all that often.

Same situation OP. Haven’t seen my DB in 3 years. They go to his DP family every year or so and still don’t have a plan to visit us in UK and think Skype substitutes. About to have a baby and we won’t be seeing them or the baby until baby is older..

He says he misses us but I can’t but be hurt at how little effort he puts. He wants us to be the ones to visit him, even though we are a big family and will cost us much more.. says his wife’s family miss her and that’s why they go to her country every year, yet we miss him too but he says she is too emotional and can’t wait to see hers..

So yeh, been there, really really sucks... you aren’t being unreasonable.

Before that we did everything with my brother and now DM misses him at every occasion.

It sounds like you miss him more than he misses all of you there otherwise he'd make the effort more.

As someone living abroad, I can tell you that spending so much of your annual leave by sleeping in someone else's house, sitting around a table with various people for lunch and dinner and telling the same stories over and over and watching others go about their daily lives while you're supposed to rest and unwind is so unbelivably shit. I have slowly been reducing my time visiting family and have also been doing lots of joint holidays with family - this way we all get a break and also see each other. It has nothing to do with not caring about them or not missing them. I love them and miss them dearly. But I work hard and need to unwind and also travel like everyone else!! Luckily I have much more understanding relatives.

I am American living in the UK (DH is British, kids born and raised here). We do go to the States every summer for our holiday because my family is quite close-knit, so we want our kids to have that, and because it is reliably hot and sunny, which for some years is the only real summer we get! My family doesn't travel over much...my parents have been 2 or 3 times, but it doesn't bother me, and I know they miss and love us, they just aren't great travellers, and we actually enjoy it.

I'm not from 'round these parts myself and my family are overseas. We go 'home' once a year, but it's not anywhere near as far as Canada. This year, we're planning to go back and have a holiday so we don't end up spending DH's annual leave and money on flights to stay in my dad's spare room. It's lovely to see them, but it isn't a holiday at all.

You know it isn't fun trekking all that way to Canada. I imagine it's the same for them coming here.