We had ICSI twice because of unexplained infertility on my part and sperm motility issues for DH (some of his sperm swam straight, the other's thought they were on Brands Hatch and went in circles!)
We discussed IVF and adoption. We looked into adoption, really looked into it. Chatted to parents we knew had adopted. It was on the radar. But we, one evening, chatted again about IVF - it had been niggling both of us. We decided we'd give it a go. If it worked, problem solved. If it didn't then we'd decide the next route (pursue the idea of adoption...maybe. Decide to remain as we were...maybe) but we realised we had to give it a shot just to get rid of the 'what ifs'.
We never saw it as unnatural - it was just another part of the ovulation chart, positions, creams, natural remedies etc that we'd been trying over the years.
We are both pleasers, we like to make each other happy. So, to save that silly conversation of 'well, if you think one session, that's fine', 'no you'd like three, I can go with that it's fine' we wrote down a number on separate pieces of paper (how daft is that)! The number of times we were both willing to try IVF. We both wrote down 2. We knew, for our sanity, that we needed to stop at 2 tries. No matter what. I worked with a woman whose sister was on her fifth attempt. For us we just knew we had to give it two shots then walk away and decide our path.
First time round I produced no eggs at all. As someone said above, round one can often be the indicator round - how IVF works for the individual. We thought, when we had our debrief meeting that we were going to be told to think about egg donation. Another big decision to make. But our consultant said she would change the regime. She'd had her twins by IVF so she understood what we were going through. We got three precious eggs from that final round - that was it - just three. Most women get into double figures. All three fertilised. All three were implanted. One took - he's now 12 years old.
Someone on here said all your DH has to do is have a wank, which is true. But that's a difficult thing for a man to be honest. It's a bit different doing that for pleasure but I know (because he told me much later) that DH felt enormous pressure to 'perform' on both occasions. You're literally in a room with a stack of porno magazines and a cup. You press the buzzer when you've done your bit. It's exactly like 'Maybe Baby' with Hugh Laurie. It's clinical and he already knew he wasn't 'performing' properly because he had sperm that were swimming in circles as well as in a straight line! He knew that, if he didn't produce the sperm that day, that hour whilst my eggs were at their peak and we were in the clinic, everything was finished. That's enormous pressure. He said it felt awful because he knew I'd been taking drugs, injecting, testing, internal examinations and he didn't want me to go through that all for nothing just because he found the situation intimidating - which then becomes even more intimidating!
So yes, I carried the drugs regime, the tests, the discomfort but don't underestimate the pressure for the would be dad. If he gets it wrong that's the end of the dream before it even starts. Saying he just has to wank is belittling that role - it's the start of the process and if it doesn't happen, nothing happens. And you can't say 'never mind love, it happens, we'll try again a bit later' like you can in your bedroom under the covers. It's finished, that cycle has gone. The end. That can be a real issue for some men and it could be what is also bothering your DH.
I don't know where we would have gone if the second IVF had failed. I do know we were not prepared to put ourselves through it for a third time. We'd discussed that.
I suppose I've got nothing to offer other than to give you an insight into why some men baulk at the whole IVF thing. It can become the over-riding thing for them (and for the woman) and that can close their minds to the possibility of using the method. The fear of failing. I didn't, personally, have that fear. If I didn't produce eggs it wasn't down to me - it was the drug regime in my mind. But still the pressure was intense. But DH felt he would have no-one to blame but himself if he didn't produce that little cup of liquid. So goodness knows what that felt like for him.
Good luck. I hope you both manage to come to something that will work for the two of you. It's a tough position to be in and my heart goes out to you both.