Friends hijacking our holiday that we haven't even agreed yet. AIBU?

[mumwithatum]

So we met friends on Saturday and were talking about our upcoming holiday in October. They have now invited themselves to come along next year at the same time, despite me saying that we may not be able to as it will mean taking kids out of school for a few days during an important year and that we need to know school holidays etc so won't consider it until school release their Calender.
They have in the last been very disparaging about the location that we go to. They are notoriously late for everything and argue all the time. They also don't like to spend money where as we like to go out and about.
They decided that they would like to go next year with us with no encouragement or checking if it was ok. DH and I both felt that we couldn't really say no but weren't enthusiastic either.
Have just had a message from my husband to say that the husband has booked off the dates that they want to go. Looks like it's happening now then. AIBU to think that they are a bit pushy!!

Unfortunately you can't get those dates off next year... 😉

Of course they are but if you don't say anything they will think it's OK! Don't be so passive "looks like it's happening then"!

Can’t you message them back saying that unfortunately, as discussed, you can’t commit to holidays for next year yet?

Where is it? I might come along

Of course they Abu but you are also bu to allow people to walk all over you like this. Did they have a gun to your head to hijack you or are you generally a pushover

Just reply something along the lines of, "OK. Why don't you book for you and your wife to get the benefit of early booking. DH and I haven't yet decided whether, and where, we are going and also when, as this is dependant on school holidays."

Don’t go along with it. We went on holiday with some friends that we really didn’t want to go on. We didn’t like the time of year, itinerary & choice of hotel but were bulldozed into it. It was a disaster & we have barely seen them since.

ahhhh just leave them to it, it won't come to pass

Dh and I were just talking about something and I joined a FB group about it, my sibling spotted that join and wanted to get in on it, so I said we had no plans but sibling was all over it, sorting leave for 18months ahead for themselves and spouse, then roping in friends of theirs to come along.

it never happened :o And dh and I have still not done it either, but meh! we will one day!!

I had a similar thing recently when a friend said she and her h would love to come on holiday with us. At the time I said nothing, thinking she might notice my lack of enthusiasm. Next thing I knew she was quizzing me about dates! I had to put her straight and tell her we like our holidays on our own, nothing personal, but we like our own company and pleasing ourselves. I'm afraid you are in for some straight talking. It's the only way.

They're obviously being unreasonable, but then again so are you. How are they to know you don't fancy it if you just accept their plans? You've over a year for this to hang over you, so deal with it now.

Have just had a message from my husband to say that the husband has booked off the dates that they want to go

'that's great, hope you enjoy it like we do. Let us know what you think'.

If you end up taking your friends with on a holiday, by mistake, when you haven't actually even booked it yet.... then you will possibly be the most unassertive couple on MN

Can you go somewhere else? Or a different time?

Well they can book the time off work but it doesn't mean the holiday has to happen. It is still a long way off and a lot can happen on that time. Just message back and say you are still not sure you will even be going next year then at some point tell them you can't go and that they should just book something themselves. No point in angsting about it so far in advance.

Gosh you're a pair of wet blankets aren't you! Just text them 'Great I'm sure you'll enjoy it. Just for clarity we won't be committing ourselves to any sort of holiday next year but look forward to seeing your photos!'

I honestly don't understand threads like this.
"Oh great, we'll come with you!"
"Well, that's an idea but honestly we'd rather just go on our own"
"No, really, it will be fun"
"Thanks for the offer of keeping us company, but we'd rather just go on our own"
"DH has booked the time off, we can come with you!"
""Well, you can book where you like, but as we said, we're not looking for company on our holiday."
Then book for different dates and refuse to discuss it any further.

Just say you can't commit yet, as you'd indicated last time.

What are they going to do, book and pay for the holiday for all of you anyway?

Just tell them!
Stop being so wet.

As others have said, you haven’t decided on next year’s holiday yet. You can always give the reasons above, ie missing school etc, you don’t have to commit.

Grow a spine! We haven't actually decided and it looks like we cannot get that time off after all. Sorted.

Don't say anything about not being able to get the time off! They will come back asking when you can get time off and change their booking.

"As we said, we can't commit to dates yet, so if you're booking, please don't under the assumption we'll come too, but that it'll just be you guys. Cheers"

Oh my goodness, stop being a doormat! Say no, it doesn't suit.

Cripes!!!! Don't say you'll look forward to seeing their photos!!!!

No-one wants to see photos. Especially as no doubt they are the type who would actually go ahead and show you.

Sympathies OP. I know how it is possible to get bulldozed. I live in a popular area and seem to spend my bloody holidays 'hosting' people who invite themselves to our house. (I 'joked' to DH yesterday that we always know summer is coming when people we never hear from at other times of the year suddenly call us... and about 20 minutes later the first one did).

Grow a pair, and tell them you are not going with them. What the heck is wrong with you both that you would even let the conversation get as far as them booking time off for this fantasy joint holiday? If you have to spell it out to the thick shites then say that your holidays are family time only. But really you just need to say it's not happening, without further explanation.