To spend unexpected money this way..

[benfoldsfive]

My DF died when I was a young child, he had a friend who contacted me around 2 years ago. My Dsis and I have met up with him and listened to him discuss how much of an impact my DF had on his life and stories that we have never heard before. On 2 ocassions he gifted us some both money.

My DH to be, nearly died 2 years ago, he is unable to work and I am his carer. Money is tight and we have decided to use what little money is left in our saving to have a small wedding (about 100 people). We have children, step children and have been together over a decade.

I invited DF friend, He has politely declined by sent a cheque, £1000. We are spending less than 4 grand on the wedding and having a simple buffet afterwards at a cheap labour club.

I want to use some of this money to buy everyone a 1st drink, around £400 and have some tokens made saying "a drink on benfoldfives dad".

DH to be thinks this is extravagant, we don't have the money and no one is expecting it . We aren't really in a position to do so. He thinks that I am only considering it because some people will be judging us for not providing our guests with anything other than food. I haven't outwardly said this but we are the last to get married out of our friends and family and I do feel a little like our wedding is the cheap do. But I have kept cost down for guests - it's all doable on foot or small taxi journey home and we have pick a venue that is cheap to party at.

We haven't asked for gift or cash BTW. We really just want people to come and celebrate with us.

So aibu to want to spend this money this way?

I have never been to a single wedding where I had to pay for a drink. I know this isn't the norm but to not even provide wine and a toast is unusual surely? I'd buy the drink.

I have never been to a single wedding where I had to pay for a drink lucky you, I've been to plenty.

The OP and her DP have an income of 11k a year and are already paying out 4k. This would be a 10% increase. That's like a couple with a fairly average joint income spending 20k on a wedding then an additional 2000 on drinks at the last minute when they never planned to before. It's not a small amount just to allow each guest to have one drink. I doubt many of the guests would mind.

I would question why they've invited so many people if they didn't want to host them tbh.

It sounds like you've made up your mind to save the money, OP, and I think that's wise. True friends won't judge you for not providing that over-priced drink (which they obviously won't miss, since they never knew it was under consideration).

*In the long run on one will remember getting one extra drink. It's not an important part of the day at all. Happy memories and no regrets are more important.

Do something for your whole family with the £1000. Much better use than a token drink.*

This ^

Right now, you are thinking about your wedding. Long term, you could spend the money in a more worthwhile way.

Hope you have a fab day, but you can have that anyway, without money behind the bar.

Enjoy your wedding, I hope it is fantastic. Your friends/ family are invited/going because they care for you. They will remember your happiness more than a drink ( and if they don't more fool them!) Good luck x
Save the money, put it away to treat yourselves next year.

If all 100 guests are close family and friends then all of them will understand your newly limited income and would rather you enjoy the lovely gift you have received yourself rather than spending it on them.

It’s nice to to offer a drink if it’s something that is within your budget but if it isn’t then I can’t see the problem really.

Only a very unpleasant sort of person would judge you for not providing alcohol under the circumstances. It would be different if you had splashed money about on other bits of the wedding then skimped on what you provided for your guests. It sounds to me like you’re spending the majority of the cost of your wedding on your guests so actually you are being as generous as possible within your means.

I would question why they've invited so many people if they didn't want to host them tbh

I know this might sound a bit ‘out there’ but read the OP’s posts then you’ll KNOW why they’ve invited 100 people and you can take your judgey pants off.

Oh and they ARE ‘hosting them’. They’re making them welcome and feeding them...you don’t have to give people alcohol to ‘host them’.

If the OP and/or DH were my friends I’d just want to share this special day with them and be very thankful the groom was still alive to be getting married and that despite this enormous change in circumstances they both still wanted to get married. I’d happily bring my own or shared picnic tea

But then I’m not an entitled, shallow twat 🤷🏻‍♀️

I hope you have a lovely lovely day! The people you have invited are friends and family who love you. They aren't coming for free booze. They're coming to celebrate you and your soon-to-be dh.

You could provide food, tea, coffee & say if people want alcohol they buy their own
I would spend the 1k gift on a honeymoon & or a family day out. I would give the family friend who gifted you the £, a lovely thank you card & photo of the wedding & or day out.

Definitely spend it on your own lovely selves. And congratulations. x

Congratulations 💐

Op I think first drink for everyone is a good way to use this money.

We had a small wedding, 100 people, total cost was £4k. We provided all the food and then paid for 30 bottles of prosecco at the venue so everyone could toast and have a few glasses. We would have liked to have paid for everything but it wasn't do-able, our guests did not mind buying the rest of their own drinks after the fizz was all gone.

I can only advise from my perspective, you had your plans made and you were happy with them before you got your cheque, family and friends wont judge you, you said they all know what the story is, your wedding sounds lovely and so pleased for you that you can do this, and my advice is if I had been so generous with a gift to someone i'd rather they used it for themselves, or for their benefit alone, 1000 is a lot to have as a nest egg, maybe you can all get away for a few days somewhere later, or maybe your dh will need something and this will go a long way towards paying for it, but if I gave a couple that generous a gift id rather you didn't use almost half buying others a drink.

Come up with another way to honour your dad if you want to, light a candle for him, the guests will go home and wont remember the next day the drink was in your dads honour.

Agree with PPs. Use it for toasting drinks. They sound like good friends.

Personally OP, in your circumstances, l would keep the money. I would be happy to buy my own drink to toast you.

Blimey. 100 people doesn't sound like a small wedding to me.

Get over yourself @incrediblysadtoo.